Every child in America should be able to beat the devil in a fiddle contest.

No parent should have to fear their child’s soul being stolen because they can’t beat the devil in a fiddle contest

This is a national security concern that the current administration is not taking seriously

You light a cigarette, blood from your broken knuckles staining the filter. The limp twitching body of the mouthy cook lies between a dented Nissan Juke and your 96 Altima. As the sirens in the distance close in on you a single thought crosses your mind. "With a car, you can go anywhere"

On the one hand, literally 1984, on the other hand they allow hard liquor, so... fair?

Gangbeer is the most oppressed after Embeveraged Drivers

You know, I’m actually not hungry

When I have kids, I will not only teach them how to drive, but will teach them all aspects of the sacred, aristocratic birthright they will have inherited from God himself: Booze Cruising

Alternative Non-Oppressive Terms for “Drunk Drivers”

Embeveraged Operator
Aristocrat of the Wheel
Booze Cruiser
Finder of Keys
Beer/Bourbon/etc Pilot
Drink Captain

Non vehicled aristocrats can use these with the soft “a” ending. The “Hard R” endings are for those of us who rebel against the drys.

This has been the case since 1pm admin local time