Me walking outside at night until one evening I notice a huge bear running onto the property and those eyes staring at me while I walk up the driveway alone in the forest may not have just been deer

Yknow like is a huge issue that every time I go in public I get really tired of the anxiety of how i look like it isn't the anxiety itself it's the total energy depletion that is causes I think

Like I always feel like I need to desperately control an image of me in public, otherwise no one will like or interact with me

Like if I haven't shaved or taken a shower that day I just won't leave my house because I cannot stand feeling promoting an image that's not desirable to me and others

Idk it seems like everything leads back to depression and consequentially, low self esteem

Maybe there's like long term trauma(?) from my adhd and barely getting by in school and being called lazy no matter how much I tried and then becoming depressed

Extreme people pleaser tendencies and then more recently basically social isolation besides my family

I hate having to face like a group of people after I've embarrassed myself so much and it feels like everything I do or if u open up I end up embarrassing myself

me after realising my future is eventually going to happen and it depends on me