Forwarded from Snark Shark's Shit (:･*Fᴡᴇᴇʙʟɪᴇs*:･ --> FWA)
Forwarded from Snark Shark's Shit (:･*Fᴡᴇᴇʙʟɪᴇs*:･ --> FWA)
Forwarded from Snark Shark's Shit (:･*Fᴡᴇᴇʙʟɪᴇs*:･ --> FWA)
Forwarded from Snark Shark's Shit (:･*Fᴡᴇᴇʙʟɪᴇs*:･ --> FWA)
I added some spinach into my protein shake today and I didn’t taste it at all, I recommend!… I think
I don’t really know the health benefits it was green and looked good so…
I feel bad for not getting my tattoo yet but at the same time I know for a fact I’m not ready yet
When I am tho it’ll be nice getting it, I have a few planned too
I would give my stupid ass western opinion on recent political events but I don't care anymore so
I think the shaky dosage of my antidepressants has caught up with me
A few days ago I started an application to uni as a non degree seeking person I doubt I'll get accepted because of my incredibly low GPA back in high school and when I attempted community college... twice
I just worry again, idk if it's anhedonia or what but like I don't want to do anything, part of me doesn't want to learn doesn't want to create wants nothing but to exist I guess, the other part of me is so splittingly different, I want to constantly learn, I want to better myself, I see my so much I could do and can do and how much it'd would effect my life positively.
But I don't want to? I don't and have never had the drive to fulfill my desires in the long term? And it feels like when I fucked up in college I just got immediately kicked to the curb and told to fuck off. The only solution that has been somewhat effective is my antidepressants, but whatever it is it feels like my intelligence and self monologue is SO exhausting to "manifest" in my head since I've been taking them, my quick thinking is gone, I have the situational awareness of a drunk person, I've gotten my fingers cut so many times working with tools and had so many clumsy mistakes with injuries, like it's tunnel vision? My mind is completely blank and it's excessively hard to even to basic math. It's debilitating and it sucks
All I do is sit there and do nothing with my life constantly, it feels like all I do is just play around with tools like a child and do useless projects to distract myself from the reality that I can't be functional, it's become who I am and a large part of my personality. Part of it is what makes me unique, I have never met anyone who is truly similar to me in this way. But now again I feel that, in the moment, it's just not worth it to be me, I don't have the energy to do all this stuff, it's so stressful not being able to do things because I don't have the money or the knowledge. And it feels like SO MUCH work it's demotivating to a large extent, I just want to sit and play video games and have a job and satisfied with myself like a normal person, it's so frustrating having this confusing split between me and current me it's painful and constant. I don't have any motivation to do anything. Why does it have to be like this why is there such a struggle, like I am a fully conscious person trapped in my own mind with no motivation.
Idk if it's worth it. Is it just gonna be like the ASM x86 courses? Where I loose interest because I end up trying to doing something else to get what I want in the semi-short term? I haven't taken any lessons in almost a year. And yet I see the value of everything I learn but it feels like too much given who I am and I hate this.
I just worry again, idk if it's anhedonia or what but like I don't want to do anything, part of me doesn't want to learn doesn't want to create wants nothing but to exist I guess, the other part of me is so splittingly different, I want to constantly learn, I want to better myself, I see my so much I could do and can do and how much it'd would effect my life positively.
But I don't want to? I don't and have never had the drive to fulfill my desires in the long term? And it feels like when I fucked up in college I just got immediately kicked to the curb and told to fuck off. The only solution that has been somewhat effective is my antidepressants, but whatever it is it feels like my intelligence and self monologue is SO exhausting to "manifest" in my head since I've been taking them, my quick thinking is gone, I have the situational awareness of a drunk person, I've gotten my fingers cut so many times working with tools and had so many clumsy mistakes with injuries, like it's tunnel vision? My mind is completely blank and it's excessively hard to even to basic math. It's debilitating and it sucks
All I do is sit there and do nothing with my life constantly, it feels like all I do is just play around with tools like a child and do useless projects to distract myself from the reality that I can't be functional, it's become who I am and a large part of my personality. Part of it is what makes me unique, I have never met anyone who is truly similar to me in this way. But now again I feel that, in the moment, it's just not worth it to be me, I don't have the energy to do all this stuff, it's so stressful not being able to do things because I don't have the money or the knowledge. And it feels like SO MUCH work it's demotivating to a large extent, I just want to sit and play video games and have a job and satisfied with myself like a normal person, it's so frustrating having this confusing split between me and current me it's painful and constant. I don't have any motivation to do anything. Why does it have to be like this why is there such a struggle, like I am a fully conscious person trapped in my own mind with no motivation.
Idk if it's worth it. Is it just gonna be like the ASM x86 courses? Where I loose interest because I end up trying to doing something else to get what I want in the semi-short term? I haven't taken any lessons in almost a year. And yet I see the value of everything I learn but it feels like too much given who I am and I hate this.
Sushi
Wow I woke up in a horrible mood
Just a shit day for all of us then 😭