I'm always horrified whenever I finish anything. Horrified and desolate. My instinct for perfection should inhibit me from ever finishing anything; it should in fact inhibit me from ever beginning. But I become distracted and do things. My accomplishments are not the product of my applied will but a giving away of my will. I begin because I don't have the strength to think; I finish because I don't have soul enough to stop things. This book is my cowardice.

Fernando Pessoa, The Book of Disquiet

Life is full of paradoxes, as roses are of thorns.

Fernando Pessoa, The Book of Disquiet

I may stab all these annoying fucks to death

She begs God to forgive her in advance.
Jules et Jim.

Christmas Kids was based on the lives of Phil and Ronnie Spector, who were married from 1968 to 1974. The relationship itself was extremely abusive on Phil's part, which you can tell from the lyrics of the song. Phil, at Christmas, gave Ronnie two children as a Christmas "gift" wanting her to stay married to him. This obviously didn't do any good as Ronnie ran away soon after and filed for divorce.
phil had a glass coffin which he threatened to put ronnie in if she ever tried to leave him, and he even hid her shoes so she couldn't run away. when she finally escaped he told her he'd hired assassins to kill her at her next concert, and there was a battle for custody over the twins which phil ultimately won. he was sentenced for the murder of lana clarkson and died in jail from covid. ronnie also died recently of cancer, i believe.

I realized a while ago that anyone who offputs medical procedures is likely depressed, feels hopeless, and the pain is a reminder to just do it but you can't mentally get yourself to do it which translates into even more depression and resentment