BREAKING ⚡💥 MASSIVE RIOTS AND CLASHES IN THE STREETS OF MULFINGEN. COUNTER REVOLUTIONARIES FROM BADEN ARE SUSPECTED TO HAVE INFILTRATED CITY HALL AND RAISED THE PRICE OF A KEBAB TO 4€ PROUD SOLDIERS OF WÜRRTEMBERG ON THEIR WAY TO THE MAYOR RIGHT NOW TO GET IT BACK TO 3,50

💥BREAKING💥
UPRISINGS ALL AROUND THE SWABIAN LEAGUE AS ANBASTIST DISCONTENT RISES IN MERKEL’S GERMANY, CONFLICT OBSERVERS IN THE LANDSGRAVATE OF HESSE SAY A “FLORIAN GEYER” IS POTENTIALLY BEHIND THE UNREST

💥⚡RIOTS IN AND AROUND BURLADINGEN OVER THE TRIGEMA MONKEY WEARING A MASK

🟨⚡🌊 BREAKING: UNNAMED CONFLICT OBSERVER PISSED ALL OVER TRAIN TOILET. JUST DON'T SIT DOWN IN PUBLIC RESTROOMS

🙈IT WAS ME🙈
SORRY

⚡ Great Khan of Scranton, Lotus King of Delaware, Ascending Carp of Washington DC, Flying Phoenix of America, Eternal Dragon Emperor of Baskin-Robbins Zho Bi-Den allegedly mildly cranky after taking a bad nap

Ukraine was never real anyway lulz. Just give us Lemberg back as soon as the jews are gone

BREAKING NEWS 💣😱🦧 US SPECIAL AMBASSADOR SETH ROGEN SPOTTED IN KIEV IN TOTALLY REAL IMAGE. BIDEN QUOTED 'If one unfunny liberal jew can't get the job done, maybe two. Or they're both gone Jack. Win-win'