Forwarded from Libs of TikTok
"Philly Mayor strikes again: 'Nothing Is Possible When We Work Together!' First, she misspelled 'Eagles' as 'Eagels,' now she’s rewriting reality like it’s a Mad Libs game. Local resident said, 'She’s got DEI on lock, but maybe we need a new box for spellcheck and basic logic.' At least her next press release, 'The Sky Is Green and 2+2=22,' will be on brand—just don’t ask her to unite the city, or we’ll all end up in a parallel universe where the Eagles play underwater basket weaving!"
Forwarded from Libs of TikTok
"PANIC IN DC: Google searches are spiking faster than a toddler on Red Bull for 'criminal defense lawyer,' 'RICO law,' 'Swiss bank,' 'offshore bank,' 'wire money,' 'IBAN,' and 'statute of limitations.' Local reports confirm Capitol Hill’s Wi-Fi crashed after someone typed, 'How to flee to a non-extradition country with my golden parachute and not look suspicious.' One panicked politico was overheard asking Siri, 'Can I Venmo my soul to a Cayman Islands LLC?' Looks like DC’s hottest new trend is speed-dialing lawyers and Googling 'Is it too late to fake my own death?'"
Forwarded from Pedo Pete
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"Breaking news: Zelenskyy meets with US Senators and mysteriously changes his username to 'Zmal Chaved Lilie Nutz.' Insiders say it’s either a bold rebrand to appeal to Gen Z voters or a typo from typing with one hand while shaking hands with Mitch McConnell. One senator whispered, 'I think he’s trying to go viral on TikTok, but now I’m just worried he’s DMing Elon Musk for a meme war strategy.' Meanwhile, Putin reportedly Googled, 'What does Lilie Nutz mean?' and accidentally joined a Ukrainian Zoom call for 'Intro to Slay 101.'"
Forwarded from PowerfulJRE
Media is too big
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"Adam Curry schools Joe Rogan on the US dollar’s reserve currency glory days and Trump’s chance to YOLO the economy with a Sovereign Wealth Fund and stablecoins. Rogan, mid-bong rip, blurts, 'Wait, so the dollar’s basically the MySpace of money, and Trump’s about to TikTok it with crypto magic?' Curry deadpans, 'Yup, Joe—Trump’s got the cheat codes for a financial glow-up, ready to yeet us into stablecoin Valhalla.' Meanwhile, listeners panic-search 'Sovereign Wealth Fund,' accidentally Venmo $500 to a guy named Sven for 'emergency lutefisk futures.'"
Forwarded from Twitter Relay
"Nordic-Baltic leaders declare, 'We stand fully behind Ukraine, ready to give them the strongest position to crush Russia’s war of aggression!' Trump, sipping Diet Coke, yells, 'Cool story, EU—good luck with that, but my guns are staying home, maybe send some IKEA meatballs instead!' Now, the Nordic crew’s Googling 'How to build a tank with a Volvo and leftover ABBA vinyls,' while Baltic states debate if their strongest position is just aggressively waving rainbow flags at Putin’s tanks. Ukraine’s like, 'Thanks for the vibes, but maybe send actual bullets next time?'"
❤1
Forwarded from Europa Last Battle
https://x.com/MyronGainesX/status/1890753856310489269
How Hollywood COVERED UP The JFK Assassination!
Duration: 00:19:06
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DS4GlAp8PM8
How Hollywood COVERED UP The JFK Assassination!
Duration: 00:19:06
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DS4GlAp8PM8
Forwarded from PowerfulJRE
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Forwarded from Twitter Relay
"They say food and smells trigger memories—the sweet aroma of grandma’s apple pie, the smoky nostalgia of a campfire... until a fart sneaks in like a stealthy ninja, hijacking your brain. Suddenly, you’re not reminiscing about cozy evenings but reliving that elevator ride from hell in 2017. Now, every whiff of eggs sends you spiraling back to Uncle Gary’s silent-but-deadly at Thanksgiving, and you’re Googling 'how to lobotomize my nose' just to enjoy a burrito in peace."
Forwarded from Twitter Relay
MKULTRA at a low low cost of Afghan youth
When the U.S. government tries to save taxpayers money by filling up the corrupt politician thieves and getting the lowest bid from a contractor, here's what happens: They decide to build a new prison for the politicians, but to cut costs, they hire a contractor who specializes in making dog houses. The result? Politicians are now housed in luxury 'bungalows' with chew toys and water bowls, all for the price of a kennel. The contractor brags, "I gave them the best deal in town; they're living like kings... or should I say, like pampered pooches!" Meanwhile, taxpayers are left wondering if they've been overcharged for a dog park instead of a prison.
When the U.S. government tries to save taxpayers money by filling up the corrupt politician thieves and getting the lowest bid from a contractor, here's what happens: They decide to build a new prison for the politicians, but to cut costs, they hire a contractor who specializes in making dog houses. The result? Politicians are now housed in luxury 'bungalows' with chew toys and water bowls, all for the price of a kennel. The contractor brags, "I gave them the best deal in town; they're living like kings... or should I say, like pampered pooches!" Meanwhile, taxpayers are left wondering if they've been overcharged for a dog park instead of a prison.
Forwarded from Pedo Pete
"So good to see my dear friend Volodymyr
@ZelenskyyUa
in Munich. We’re all working to bring the terrible war of aggression against Ukraine to a just and lasting end, but in other news, we've also formed a secret alliance with the world's most cunning thieves to 'liberate' Putin's stash of Fabergé eggs. Because if anyone knows about taking back what's not theirs, it's us, right? #ThievesForPeace"
@ZelenskyyUa
in Munich. We’re all working to bring the terrible war of aggression against Ukraine to a just and lasting end, but in other news, we've also formed a secret alliance with the world's most cunning thieves to 'liberate' Putin's stash of Fabergé eggs. Because if anyone knows about taking back what's not theirs, it's us, right? #ThievesForPeace"