The Golden One will tell you that it's all Pastor Soyjak's fault he got cucked and murdered, that he deserved his fate because he wasn't really a gentleman, a good guy, and a loving husband and father. If only he was... His cheating wife would've come around eventually, guys!

Captain Save-a-Ho = Get Out of Jail Free card for thots

She's not helping the "male loneliness epidemic" by lying and distorting the truth though. Her male character's terms all sound pretty reasonable at first, until she just couldn't help herself and paint ALL men as unfaithful at the end of her skit. Then again, as with all women, perhaps this accusation of hers is actually a confession...?

No good deed goes unpunished.

That there exist men thirsty enough to sleep with such landwhales is mind-boggling to say the least.

"Soulmate" aka meal ticket

Chat, does this count as simping?

Even he knows better than to simp.

We should all strive to be rich and abusive men, wouldn't you agree?

To attract chumps better, of course!