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"The more we do to you, the less you seem to believe we are doing it."---Dr.Josef Mengele.
I have used in the past (happily) these peeps as a supplier;

Berkeyexpert
Jutfaseweg 38
3522 HD Utrecht
Les Pays-Bas

www.berkeyexpert.fr
info@berkeyexpert.com
Numéro chambre de commerce Pays-Bas : 55140165
Numéro d'identification TVA : FR72852884063

See: berkeyexpert.com
If you are a genuine LONG-TERM TI, you are experiencing the symptoms of C-PTSD, rather than PTSD.

C-PTSD is not yet accepted as a recognised diagnosies in the DSM-5 (twice it has been proposed for entry into the DSM, both times, not allowed, so your torture can remain hidden, and you remain unable to find any relevant medical help).

Once I realised this I have been looking for a book that might help. I bought one quite recently, today, this published about the author/book;

https://www.theguardian.com/society/2021/sep/20/trauma-trust-and-triumph-psychiatrist-bessel-van-der-kolk-on-how-to-recover-from-our-deepest-pain
You may want to join me in reading a copy ... (?)
... don't get a heart-attack if you're in UK, TI's.
It's much lighter in weight than I thought, so they're not lying when they write "Suitable for sports activities" fyi.