Jen Psaki held a press conference yesterday where she revealed the Biden administration's plan to reach out to dumb redneck conservatives to get them to take the vaccine. She had many great ideas for getting these backward hicks to get the jab. Here are her…

It's 2021, so by now, you should realize Christianity is all about social justice and liberating those kept down by white patriarchial cis-normative systems of oppression. Jesus said it best when he uttered the timeless command: "Go forth into all the…

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Democrats have slammed Georgia's voting laws and similar laws across the country, and are demanding that voting be made easier. 

MINNEAPOLIS, MN—The Minneapolis City Council has voted unanimously for the equitable distribution of looting passports to peaceful protestors.

U.S.—In an effort to boost ratings, CNN has announced a series of special broadcasts revisiting some of the most riveting and sensational moments of the Trump Russia collusion investigation.

AFGHANISTAN—U.S. troops are celebrating Biden's announcement that forces will withdraw from Afghanistan this year, having achieved total peace all across the Middle East.

WASHINGTON, D.C.—The Biden Administration has announced they will be withdrawing forces from Afghanistan this year. After 2 decades, America's troops will be given a brand new, far more important assignment: guarding the Capitol Building in D.C.

WASHINGTON D.C.—The Food and Drug Administration has asked for all Johnson & Johnson COVID-19 vaccines to be recalled and destroyed after two different people who took the vaccine died, both having fallen down open manholes within a week of taking the…

WASHINGTON, D.C.—In response to growing requests from his base, Biden has issued an executive order to form a commission on whether we should throw out the Constitution or not.

Police are part of a system of oppression that is very systemic and oppressive. It's true-- our rich white sociology professor told us so. Some politicians are calling for us to "reimagine policing," but we think that's not far enough! It's time to imagine…

U.S.—Amazon is taking a giant leap towards greater equity with the addition of a brand new "Loot" function. Customers will have the option of proceeding to the checkout to pay normally, or clicking the "LOOT IT!" button for social justice.

LOS ANGELES, CA—BLM co-founder and "trained Marxist" Patrisse Cullors has called for defunding the police in response to police shootings. She later clarified, however, that she only supports abolishing police in all the areas where she doesn't live.

U.S. - According to several studies of claims made by both journalists and conspiracy theorists over the last 5 years, conspiracy theorists were determined to be much more accurate than almost all journalists. 'Yeah, the last four years really flipped the…

WASHINGTON, D.C. - President Joe Biden has a lot of ambitious, Marxist goals for government, such as installing full Communism and making Christianity illegal, but he faces one problem: His plans are against the Constitution, because they’re evil and wro…

MONTPELIER, VT - In an address from one of his homes, Bernie Sanders condemned BLM co-founder Patrisse Cullors for getting rich off politics and buying four homes.After it came out that the co-founder of the movement had purchased multiple large homes, Sanders…

MINNEAPOLIS, MN - We at The Babylon Bee try to keep you posted on the latest deals, sales, and offers from your favorite stores.Today, we've got a great deal alert for you: all the Targets in the greater Minneapolis area are planning a big 'everything is…

U.S. - A new study has found that many conservatives are deciding not to get the COVID-19 vaccine after they learned that liberals will continue staying away from them for their safety.The Biden administration has been trying to reach out to conservatives…

HAMPTON FALLS, VA - The official softball team of Gracecornerstonelife Church in Hampton Falls was losing fair and square against the Mormon team last weekend. But then, they had a great idea: 'rebalancing' the field by adding four of their own players to…

U.S. - In a revelation that shocked dozens, every single, male, unmarried viewer of the bachelor came out as gay yesterday. The event marks the first mass coming out event since people who like The Last Jedi simultaneously came out of the closet last summer.…

PORTLAND, OR - A man in a Portland-area gulag expressed today that he's glad the president isn't tweeting mean things anymore.He was hauled away to the gulag after it was revealed that he voted Republican in 2004. He recanted and promised to do better, but…

U.S. - The U.S. has been criticized for withdrawing troops from Afghanistan when the country is so close to victory, being just another 50 years away from declaring victory in the region.Commentators, pundits, Democrats, and Republicans alike criticized the…