WASHINGTON, D.C.—A miracle occurred today at the offices of the Internal Revenue Service as former Representative Ron Paul began marching around the building blowing a shofar, causing the walls of the building to begin tumbling down.

PHILADELPHIA, PA—The Commonwealth of Pennsylvania began working this week on an audit of the 2020 election.And despite criticism from Democrats, the audit quickly unearthed at least one minor anomaly. That’s because just 78 seconds into the independent…

WASHINGTON, D.C. - A spokesman for the Democrat party announced today that despite his party holding the White House and majorities in both houses of Congress, Republicans are to blame for their failure to pass any meaningful legislation so far this year.…

It's increasingly clear that traditional school subjects are dripping with racism, white supremacy, and the patriarchy. We need to toss those problematic subjects and replace them with things that are woke, inclusive, and a whole lot more fun.Here are nine…

BERCHTESGADEN - Researchers working at Hitler's Eagle's Nest in Bavaria have discovered a new diary from the brutal fascist dictator, revealing that the leader of Germany in the '30s and '40s was just 'following [his] heart' and 'believing in [himself]'.'Dear…

U.S.-MEXICO BORDER - At a migrant child facility near the U.S.-Mexico border in southern Arizona, children caught wind of Kamala Harris coming to visit them, hearing her cackle from thousands of miles away.'El diablo viene! El diablo viene! Dios mio!' cried…

WASHINGTON, D.C. - A pastor from a local Unitarian Universalist Association church said today that President and First Lady Biden are welcome to come and receive communion at her church anytime, no questions asked. This announcement comes as Catholic bishops…

PALM BEACH, FL - Having proved beyond a shadow of doubt that he is the rightful President, Donald Trump has declared that he will at last do what so many pundits and politicians have called for - move on from the terrible, rigged, sad 2020 election. Today…

U.S.—The nation scrambled to buy F-15s and nuclear weapons after President Biden said in a speech Wednesday that you'll never beat a government unless you have the fighter jets and intercontinental ballistic missiles.

Listen, a lot of people have been suggesting this whole 'blood of the patriots' language and suggesting you can just go topple a government using just muskets. It's absurd on its face. You can't go up against a nation that has big ships. Lots of ships. The…

CORUSCANT - Emperor Sheev Palpatine has made a new push for blaster control in an effort to bring peace to the galaxy.'We live in a world where the common rogue feels he can just shoot first whenever he feels like it,' Palpatine said in a speech at the former…

U.S. - In a bit of exciting news for firearms enthusiasts and those who wish to deter their government from becoming tyrannical, Bass Pro Shops has announced that its semi-annual 2-for-1 nuke sale will be kicking off this weekend. Every nuclear weapon in…

U.S. - Experts in the field of gender studies released a recent study that recommends that gender fluids be changed out regularly to achieve peak gender fluidity capabilities. 'Our panel of experts discovered that many in the LGBTQ+ community who identify…

PORTLAND, OR - In a development that many are calling the most stunning and brave thing to ever happen in the world of sports, a WNBA point guard has come out as heterosexual.The player, Megan Frederickson, has been playing for the Portland Fire for the last…

WASHINGTON, D.C. - In a speech yesterday, President Joe Biden made a compelling and powerful argument in defense of the Second Amendment. The president ranted on and on about how if people were to rebel against his iron-fisted rule, he would nuke them and…

Sentencing is beginning for the insurrectionists who tried to take over our country with selfie sticks and buffalo costumes. Luckily, they didn't succeed.Here are the 9 most terrifying criminals from that dark day of January 6, 2021 -- a day that will go…

WASHINGTON, D.C. - The Whitehouse briefing room was abuzz Friday when White House Press Secretary Jen Psaki introduced a fun new tradition of shoving fresh-baked cookies into the mouths of journalists daring to ask inconvenient questions.One reporter raised…

INDIANAPOLIS, IN - A spokeswoman for the WNBA announced today that in order to make games more interesting, the league will immediately switch to using Little Tikes® hoops for all regular season games. 'We’re very excited to be partnering with Little Tikes®…

LONDON - Mumford and Sons banjo player Winston Marshall had a rude awakening this morning when he found the bloody, decapitated corpse of his banjo at the edge of his bed. While authorities are still attempting to uncover the specifics of the individual or…