Awooga! We've Got All The Exclusive Pics Of Victoria's Secret's Stunning New Supermodels!
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The Babylon Bee
Awooga! We've Got All The Exclusive Pics Of Victoria's Secret's Stunning New Supermodels!
Walls Of IRS Building Come Tumbling Down After Ron Paul Marches Around 7 Times Blowing Trumpets
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Walls Of IRS Building Come Tumbling Down After Ron Paul Marches Around 7 Times Blowing Trumpets
WASHINGTON, D.C.—A miracle occurred today at the offices of the Internal Revenue Service as former Representative Ron Paul began marching around the building blowing a shofar, causing the walls of the building to begin tumbling down.
Pennsylvania Election Audit Shows Benjamin Franklin Voted For Biden
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Pennsylvania Election Audit Shows Benjamin Franklin Voted For Biden
PHILADELPHIA, PA—The Commonwealth of Pennsylvania began working this week on an audit of the 2020 election.And despite criticism from Democrats, the audit quickly unearthed at least one minor anomaly. That’s because just 78 seconds into the independent…
Party Controlling Executive, Legislative Branches Blames Minority Party For Everything Going Wrong
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Party Controlling Executive, Legislative Branches Blames Minority Party For Everything Going Wrong
WASHINGTON, D.C. - A spokesman for the Democrat party announced today that despite his party holding the White House and majorities in both houses of Congress, Republicans are to blame for their failure to pass any meaningful legislation so far this year.…
9 Problematic School Subjects And What We Need To Replace Them With
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9 Problematic School Subjects And What We Need To Replace Them With
It's increasingly clear that traditional school subjects are dripping with racism, white supremacy, and the patriarchy. We need to toss those problematic subjects and replace them with things that are woke, inclusive, and a whole lot more fun.Here are nine…
Hitler's Newly Discovered Diary Reveals He Was Just 'Following His Heart'
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Hitler's Newly Discovered Diary Reveals He Was Just 'Following His Heart'
BERCHTESGADEN - Researchers working at Hitler's Eagle's Nest in Bavaria have discovered a new diary from the brutal fascist dictator, revealing that the leader of Germany in the '30s and '40s was just 'following [his] heart' and 'believing in [himself]'.'Dear…
Kids In Cages Disguise Selves As BLM Rioters In Hopes Of Kamala Freeing Them
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Kids In Cages Disguise Selves As BLM Rioters In Hopes Of Kamala Freeing Them
U.S.-MEXICO BORDER - At a migrant child facility near the U.S.-Mexico border in southern Arizona, children caught wind of Kamala Harris coming to visit them, hearing her cackle from thousands of miles away.'El diablo viene! El diablo viene! Dios mio!' cried…
Unitarian Church Invites Joe Biden, Says They'll Give Communion To Literally Anyone
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Unitarian Church Invites Joe Biden, Says They'll Give Communion To Literally Anyone
WASHINGTON, D.C. - A pastor from a local Unitarian Universalist Association church said today that President and First Lady Biden are welcome to come and receive communion at her church anytime, no questions asked. This announcement comes as Catholic bishops…
Upping The Ante: Trump Announces He Also Won Elections Of 1860, 1972, 2008
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Upping The Ante: Trump Announces He Also Won Elections Of 1860, 1972, 2008
PALM BEACH, FL - Having proved beyond a shadow of doubt that he is the rightful President, Donald Trump has declared that he will at last do what so many pundits and politicians have called for - move on from the terrible, rigged, sad 2020 election. Today…
'You'll Never Beat The Government With Just Guns,' Says Party That Also Believes Government Was Almost Toppled By Unarmed Mob On January 6
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'You'll Never Beat The Government With Just Guns,' Says Party That Also Believes Government Was Almost Toppled By Unarmed Mob On…
Huge Spike In Americans Buying F-15s After Biden Suggests You'll Need Them To Overthrow Government
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Huge Spike In Americans Buying F-15s After Biden Suggests You'll Need Them To Overthrow Government
U.S.—The nation scrambled to buy F-15s and nuclear weapons after President Biden said in a speech Wednesday that you'll never beat a government unless you have the fighter jets and intercontinental ballistic missiles.
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Op-Ed: You'll Never Beat A Tyrannical Government With Just Guns
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Op-Ed: You'll Never Beat A Tyrannical Government With Just Guns
Listen, a lot of people have been suggesting this whole 'blood of the patriots' language and suggesting you can just go topple a government using just muskets. It's absurd on its face. You can't go up against a nation that has big ships. Lots of ships. The…
Emperor Palpatine Urges Citizens To Give Up Their Blasters Since They'd Need A Death Star To Beat The Empire
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Emperor Palpatine Urges Citizens To Give Up Their Blasters Since They'd Need A Death Star To Beat The Empire
CORUSCANT - Emperor Sheev Palpatine has made a new push for blaster control in an effort to bring peace to the galaxy.'We live in a world where the common rogue feels he can just shoot first whenever he feels like it,' Palpatine said in a speech at the former…
Bass Pro Shops Announces 2-for-1 Sale On All Nuclear Missiles
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Bass Pro Shops Announces 2-for-1 Sale On All Nuclear Missiles
U.S. - In a bit of exciting news for firearms enthusiasts and those who wish to deter their government from becoming tyrannical, Bass Pro Shops has announced that its semi-annual 2-for-1 nuke sale will be kicking off this weekend. Every nuclear weapon in…
Experts Now Recommend Changing Your Gender Fluid Every 3 Months Or 3,000 TikTok Posts
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Experts Now Recommend Changing Your Gender Fluid Every 3 Months Or 3,000 TikTok Posts
U.S. - Experts in the field of gender studies released a recent study that recommends that gender fluids be changed out regularly to achieve peak gender fluidity capabilities. 'Our panel of experts discovered that many in the LGBTQ+ community who identify…
In Historic First, WNBA Player Comes Out As Straight
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In Historic First, WNBA Player Comes Out As Straight
PORTLAND, OR - In a development that many are calling the most stunning and brave thing to ever happen in the world of sports, a WNBA point guard has come out as heterosexual.The player, Megan Frederickson, has been playing for the Portland Fire for the last…
Biden Makes Compelling Argument In Favor Of Second Amendment
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Biden Makes Compelling Argument In Favor Of Second Amendment
WASHINGTON, D.C. - In a speech yesterday, President Joe Biden made a compelling and powerful argument in defense of the Second Amendment. The president ranted on and on about how if people were to rebel against his iron-fisted rule, he would nuke them and…
Here Are The 9 Most Terrifying Criminals From The January 6 Capitol Attack
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Here Are The 9 Most Terrifying Criminals From The January 6 Capitol Attack
Sentencing is beginning for the insurrectionists who tried to take over our country with selfie sticks and buffalo costumes. Luckily, they didn't succeed.Here are the 9 most terrifying criminals from that dark day of January 6, 2021 -- a day that will go…
Jen Psaki Frantically Shoves Cookies Into Mouths Of Journalists To Prevent Them From Asking Questions
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Jen Psaki Frantically Shoves Cookies Into Mouths Of Journalists To Prevent Them From Asking Questions
WASHINGTON, D.C. - The Whitehouse briefing room was abuzz Friday when White House Press Secretary Jen Psaki introduced a fun new tradition of shoving fresh-baked cookies into the mouths of journalists daring to ask inconvenient questions.One reporter raised…
To Make Games More Interesting, WNBA To Switch To Little Tikes Hoop
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To Make Games More Interesting, WNBA To Switch To Little Tikes Hoop
INDIANAPOLIS, IN - A spokeswoman for the WNBA announced today that in order to make games more interesting, the league will immediately switch to using Little Tikes® hoops for all regular season games. 'We’re very excited to be partnering with Little Tikes®…
Horrifed Mumford And Sons Member Wakes Up Next To Decapitated Banjo
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Horrifed Mumford And Sons Member Wakes Up Next To Decapitated Banjo
LONDON - Mumford and Sons banjo player Winston Marshall had a rude awakening this morning when he found the bloody, decapitated corpse of his banjo at the edge of his bed. While authorities are still attempting to uncover the specifics of the individual or…