#12WeekYearProgress Week8

#12WeekYearPlan Week9
goal: build major 2 features

welcome judgment year
i think it will decide which way i am going

#12WeekYearProgress Week9
failed to do the work that matters
just failed

#12WeekYearPlan Week10
I will launch the project i am working on

#12WeekYearProgress Week10
Same as the last week
But noticed some signals

#12WeekYearPlan Week11
Will launch it

#12WeekYearProgress Week11 and 12
I think this will be the last long post I will write on this chapter of the game I don't know where the next chapter will be so just pure experiance sharing ( may be this will help somebody ) I hope it will other wise no point from writing it

sharing experiance and just thinking out of the thing you do is mentally consuming I don't know may be because I have a very limited time that it is the only way out of hell ... may be but just anything else out of the thing you do is so consuming and I am writing this ( posting this post ) so that I I finish at least something that i have started as i started a lot of thing and didn't finish them ( may be this is the only trait I share with the programmers :) ) but just this is one reason for me writing this and just to help a person who is me before year and six months ago

those two weeks were one of those moments that I shift my thinking 360 degree like inturrpting the whole thing, I don't know but it is the thing that made me reach to the place I am in right now traying a lot of ways in a very condense time so I figure out what works and what don't and this past two weeks were one of those strange shift moments that I experianced that I understood a lot of things that happend and are happening around me for the past one year and few months I don't think I was spending my time coding I think I was just spending it on exploring the domains that i really loved and want to persue , things I want to achieve . I was focused on the bigger picture than focusing on the narrow point of giving computers instructions to make you things that you thought in your mind , just breadth exploration of the direction I want to go and that happend without of me realising i was doing that but I think it was the right thing to do and the thing most of us don't give thought of which we persue things without thinking and me spending that time on that purpose is a great thing that i am proud of even if it is without of me realising it and it was the reason of me dropping out of school and go in the unknown way just what I understood is it is so hard like so hard to work hard on things that you are not interesed in that you don't love to do while you are doing as your main job a thing that is hell for you like your mind will seek the best way of getting out of the pain it was expriancing in the working part of the day and just if it is not the thing that replace for it sleep and excitment it wouldn't work out just doing what I am interesting in is the only way of spending my rest of hours in usefull thing rather than accepting my fate other than that biologically it doesn't work it is impossible i don't know may be for me just the game have to be interesting and I understood what I love to do and I spent the last two weeks exploring a lot of fields that related with reality like computers , scale, some part of biology about the brain and how does it work and in chemistry about a lot of things including things that i didn't understood in school because i didn't knew their why but it was so easy to understand the thing when you have a why , also about physics just my exploration touched a lot of domains that i had to go hunt on those areas and just it is hard to limit your self on some sort of field I don't know for me may be just it so fun really so fun to build the representation of reality on your mind that you have your own opinions of things rather than other peopels like I remeber of me searching about what is programming is and the search result was so energizing and like was so fun but i think the thing I searched wasn't programming strictly may be something else like building a company may be or may be working with great peopel that are exciting I don't know , but programming wasn't the whole thing but I am sure it is part of it because it is something strategic like worled of imagination and fighting with probablities just raw fighting like modeling the reality that is front of you and pridicting the outcome just raw fun worled but the one which is stated out on the dev worled is just different it is discussfull I don't know may be i am not a developer and i think I am not it is like i don't know it donesn't match with the thing i am trying to do also a coder doesn't match but it is related withsomething that is art of creating something that is really give you joy just that


this was my achievment in the last two weeks just assigning a word for my whole past experiance and started giving attention to the part of my mind that rejected receiving every thing it told to do and start to ask for real

it wrote by a mind in process of clear thinking may be i didn't comunicate the essense well but i am trying to comunicate my thought clearly

hopefully someone will understand it ✌️