This is an EXCELLENT post from Ash on the dynamics of a narcissistic relationship and why the seemingly sound advice that people tend to give does not apply. Recognizing that you are not dealing with someone who is able to work towards a resolution that includes consideration of your well-being is crucial. Narcissists do not even SEE your well-being. They only see their own. And they will project THAT onto you as your perception as well. And you’ll believe it to be true.

And if that person is the one who raised you, the one who fundamentally structured your perceptions, your own ideas about your well-being will be DANGEROUSLY skewed. Think about it. How ingrained does it become for you see yourself as “bad” or “wrong” or to always put their feelings first when that influence has been there for your entire life? From the get-go you know no different. That was your world. Your normal.

THAT must be dealt with before you can ever even hope to interact with them without endangering yourself.
👇🏻👇🏻👇🏻

Forgiving a Narcissist

For me...It does harm to think of "forgiveness".

Which is what everyone seems to think is like...."the" advice to give.

But the truth is ... "forgiveness" is what changed my heart to allow this abuser right back in the doors 8 years ago.... I've been down that road before. And no, it's not as simple as you think to forgive a narcissist and NOT let them back in..

Maybe it is different when we talk about psychological abuse. And maybe that IS the conversation. Because the nature of a narcissist is to wire you to please them, take care of them and to put them first. To forgive them before feeling what you need to feel.

Unless you have a very solid foundation in your mind and in your heart of who that person truly is ... It is actually the EASIEST thing in the world to "forgive". You're programmed to. You know how to excuse their behavior. You know what they've been through. It was how they lured you in. It was how they got their hooks in you. It was how they clung to you for so long.

They use your empathic nature and claim it as their own supply source.

So to soften the painstakingly EARNED feelings that allow you to break free from a narcissist is dangerous territory. In my experience.

Forgiving a true narcissist is dangerous. It heals the trauma bonds that could only be broken by the deepest hurt, the deepest pain or the strongest anger and hate.

Because at the bottom of hatred and anger towards a narcissist.... Is the love for your own Self.

Which is where they place it. Just beyond reach. You cannot see what you're doing to your own self when you're trying to feed them. When you see them as the one who needs help. When you can't see past their wants to see your own needs.

Some feelings are strong and dangerous in themselves. Sure. There can be negative health effects. But what if the feeling is used for liberation?

Sometimes in healing.... We take risks that cause short term effects but long lasting healing, right? Maybe detoxing the mind isn't quite so different...

In the case of dealing with a true narcissist, again this is just my own experience -- Feelings like anger and hate can be the key, the exact tool, the scythe needed to sever their attachments from you so that you CAN break free.

Sure, there's a role forgiveness plays. After you sever the tumor and as you detox, it's important to forgive your Self.

For walking away.
For reaching your limits.
For recognizing that it came down to "you" or "them".
For not seeing it sooner.
For allowing it to go on as long as it did.
For however you reacted while being abused by them.
For the emotional toll this all takes.
For the judgement others will have when forgiveness is no longer a dish you can serve this person.

They say forgiveness isn't for them, it's for you. But I kind of just think that's what people say because that's what they were taught. I don't think it's a requirement to moving on anymore though. And I can still wish that person well.... Without "forgiving" them for using me as a psychological punching bag.

That is real. And honest. And I am not ashamed.

I am just turning the damn page. Because I need to. Because I long to. Because that is what I know is right for Me in this now moment💕💕🌻

Because I am worth more than they wanted me to realize.

And if this resonates.... So. Are. You.

You are worthy.
You are deserving.
You can choose to step away, to heal and to tend to YOU.

It's okay to Love you this time. Love yourself home. All the way home. As long as you are alive....you get to choose how that looks and feels.

🌻✨
@EmbersfromAsh

Yes!!! THIS is true Shadow Work. Seeing and owning what you TRULY feel. ALLOWING IT. Because only through that action can it ever even hope to be transmuted or transformed. You have to allow what is to be brought to the surface. Not in hatred or violence or revenge. But in acceptance of TRUTH.

So many people bypass the real work of Healing by trying to pretend that everything is OK and skipping ahead to the forgiveness part when they didn’t ACTUALLY get there.

Forgiveness is a natural part of Healing but it CANNOT be forced. And it’s not just a given either. You don’t have to get to forgiveness. People have done major harm to others and to themselves by spiritually bypassing in this way.

Moving on as if the abuse didn’t happen is not Healing. And it doesn’t lead to true Forgiveness either. It’s just another trauma response.

Recognizing when your nervous system is dysregulated will help with facing this journey and all that comes with it.

I think it’s kind of a requirement in order to be able to heal.

And right now, actually for the last couple days, I’ve been very dysregulated. So, I’m going to hop off for a while, maybe a day or two—I have no idea — And deal with this.

https://youtu.be/lrDE1DWT7gc

Not an endorsement - just good info here: https://www.primaltrust.org/understanding-a-dysregulated-nervous-system/

Sounds like the theme across the entire fucking board lately!

H/t https://x.com/ladiekerrie/status/1899719109887033732?s=46&t=Xv88mZMGVVKm1mUAfLlDxA

Does anyone have experience with writing being flagged as AI-generated when it isn’t?

Apparently this is a thing and my daughter is being accused of something she didn’t do. Essentially, she’s being punished for being an excellent writer. Looking for help / proof that these detectors are fallible. And any other input you may have in this area.

TYIA.

This sucks. 🤬

No student should ever be penalized simply for demonstrating advanced writing skills that exceed the damn detector's understanding of human composition.

That’s what is happening here. AI detection tools frequently misidentify real human writing as AI generated due to fundamental technical limitations in the development.

These detectors are simply analyzing statistical patterns rather than definitive language markers, and so they often confuse the sophistication in our real vocabulary. English, specifically, is a particularly difficult language for this very issue due to its nuance.

This leads to common false positives, particularly in areas like academics, or technical, and exceptionally well done writing because, as of yet, the AI tools can't reliably distinguish between high quality human writing and AI content.

So the schools should treat ANY of those types of results as just preliminary indicators requiring a more thorough human review…. not as any kind of conclusive evidence of academic dishonesty.

It irks me, because this is lazy and dangerously blind.

If a teacher's critical evaluation of writing can be replaced by an algorithm….even one that fails to recognize exceptional human work….what does that say about the value they place on their own professional discernment?

The very technology they're deferring to will ultimately replace those who abdicate their responsibility to personally engage with and evaluate student work. Because a teacher is there to use their training and judgement in order to be able to spot brilliance… not penalize anybody…and teachers who surrender this fundamental responsibility to flawed algorithms are unwittingly making the strongest case for their own replacement.

AI can get better, but will they?

NEW - "Blood Worm Moon" total lunar eclipse to blanket North America with devilish red-glow this Thursday evening into Friday morning.

https://www.disclose.tv/id/cul0v3z2fs/

@disclosetv

Schumann update as of 1830 hrs PT / 2130 ET

Happy full moon from Arizona!

Learn to recognize when you’re distracting yourself with a new interest, project or just straight up drama.

Yes. Life happens, but sometimes we use that to distract ourselves from the things that really need our attention.