83% of people are idiots. Fortunately I belong to the other 26%.

A wife texts her husband. Hey bring home a loaf of bread. Oh, and your girlfriend Elizabeth says 'hello'.

Husband: Who's Elizabeth?

Wife: Nobody, just wanted to make sure you got my text.

Husband: Dang, I'm with Elizabeth now, I thought you caught us!

Wife: What!? Where are you!?

Husband: I'm at the grocery store, why?

Wife: I'll be right there! (5 minutes later) Where are you?

Husband: I'm at work. Where are you?

Wife: I'm at the store!

Husband: Don't forget the bread.

Patriot's working for free.

For the love of the game.

Rapper Bad Bunny Named Halftime Performer of 2026 Super Bowl

That’s a dude btw

Ebony Embalmers

Pro tip from an old man... When you and the wife have a baby, occasionally check the baby and whether the baby needs changing or not say "ohhh someone has a stinky diaper" and "go change the baby". When baby really does have a stinky diaper look your wife straight in the eye and say "I changed the last one babe, it's your turn".

Dont forget to grease your fifth wheel.