6 #DaysUntil I get surgery. I'm excited, I'm nervous. I need to pack but it's my first major surgery and I don't have experience in packing for such so imagine the chaos... Taking guesses for how much I'll forget and how much of my packed stuff goes unused. :D

4 #DaysUntil I get surgery. I am still excited, still nervous, but now my plans have changed and instead of having a loved one around until i depart to the city where the clinic is I will be alone. Not very amused by that but it is how it is. Getting more and more nervous but at least I am entirely certain that I want this and won't regret a thing.

Oh also, irregular reminder that I'm gay.

Sorry for the inactivity right now. I'm like, kinda nervous and stuff.

2 #DaysUntil I get surgery. I have departed to the place of friends who host me for a night so I won't have to get up super early to travel. I've got lots of emotion stuff going on and am internally screaming for various reasons so I guess all is going according to plan.

1 #DaysUntil I get surgery. Currently trying to ignore my roommates visitor and otherwise keeping my shit together. But honestly - it's not that easy.

Surgery day. I'll get knocked out around 8 or so if the plans work as they told me.

Back in my room, pain meds and such. Semi-conscious only but wanted to let y'all know I'm back in my room.

I am now actually conscious, even mobile again already. Got to make up for having been sleep deprived before, I used the cozy feeling from leftover narcosis because this is the most justified nap ever.
I also just got rid of the machine being switched on pills now!

Update. I am somewhat fine and way more conscious now. Pain is okay-ish with the right medication. Mainly I feel very exhausted and am still struggling to realize that it's finally over now. Well, except for the healing part.

Still doing okay but some pain & it is annoying that the positions I can lie in are so restricted. Am exhausted. Also a 3-bed-room is absolutely not the most comfy scenario for recovering but here we are.

I'm discharged and on my way home. More regular posting/more explicitly political posting will resume bit by bit as I recover.

I'll soonish be home where a loved one awaits, so I'm cared for. We'll see from there. Also I'm still hella gay.

This has been the news.

+++ Social PSA +++ (doubles as kinda pissed vent)

This is about a very specific recent situation/encounter but I've got some things to say some people may benefit from.
I have no idea whether the one who inspired this is reading it, but it does not matter.

If I ever tell anyone off for shitty talking points by telling them they have shitty talking points/using a common term for people with such shitty talking points- that's not an invitation to message me with why you personally cannot even have shitty talking points (like because people have them about you or friends of you).

**1. Disengaging/kicking/banning/blocking and the like are clearly not invitations to have a conversation.

2. You're not ennoscriptd to a conversation. With nobody.

3. You're not ennoscriptd to an explanation either! If you are made aware that you're exhibiting harmful behavior it's your own responsibility to prevent it (thus, to educate yourself) - just like it'd be my responsibility to stop kicking your leg if you tell me it hurts/is bad.

4. Being part of marginalized group A, B or C or having friends who are doesn't magically make you incapable of exhibiting discriminatory behavior towards these groups. Like, there's women who exhibit sexism against themselves, trans folk who thinks about themselves in transphobic ways - and that's just a few! That all exists. You're not a magic exception.

5. Using the fact you belong to one or more marginalized group(s) and/or have friends in whichever marginalized group to try and justify why you cannot possibly be discriminatory in your behavior is among the most pathetic things I know people to do.

6. You're not the center of the universe. Neither am I. If I end contact after calling you out I probably will forget

7. And a last rather personally targeted one: Me calling out discrimination does not make me a hypocrite if you belong to a marginalized group yourself or have protected marginalized people. Calling me a hypocrite for calling out your discriminatory behavior just means you have not understood what marginalization and structural discrimination means and that you really should read up on it.**

I could explain in detail, but that's not my job. Antidiscriminatory work doesn't mean pre-chewing every bit of information. It's making you aware you're being discriminatory in what you do or say and, if necessary, that one has to educate oneself actively instead of demanding to be fed information about what was done wrong.

Anything else I do, every explanation of ableism, every conversation on mental health, every explanation of saneism, every detail on systemic discrimination I pass on - all these things are extra. This is all work, you know? Work I do in my free time on top of it.

Oh and yeah.

If you make a discriminatory statement and I point it out there's not going to be an apology from my side. It's not me who screwed up.
And if someone is around who knows you and by reading what I write they notice your discriminatory thoughts/words/actinos then I do not care how that affected your feelings. It's still not me who screwed up. Pointing out/bringing attention to aspects of your thoughts/words/actions - well, they're still yours. You're the source of it. If it's problematic and you're the source then it's not the one who made it obvious who should think about an apology.

And now.
a) I do not want an apology
b) I do not want a message
c) If you still want to try, then read this message from the start.
d) Refer to 6.

Kthx.

I'm home and I'm a 🦖. I'd say I am doing somewhat fine, whilst the exhaustion is big in me I do persist indeed. Pain level endurable with good painkillers. Good night!