If you want to convince someone, you have to focus on their self-interest.
Most people are driven by "what's in it for them".
Everyone will tell you that if you can make that clear right from the start, then you've put your foot in the door.
I think that's wrong in most cases.
Because figuring out what you can give them in exchange of what you want is a leverage you have.
Showing your hand right from the start is a mistake.
Any time you'll try to convince someone of something or try to negotiate with them, you should expect resistance.
Very few people are willing to compromise right from the get go.
And if you feel like the person in front does not want to meet you halfway, then it's often better to start with a ridiculous demand.
Then bargain back to what you actually want by introducing what you're really ready to offer them at a later stage.
It should come in as an element of surprise and a sign of your willingness to concede a little bit on your demands.
This makes the person in front feel that you're taking a step towards them.
But if you did that right from the beginning, they'd ask to get more and give you less.
How you frame the discussion is of paramount importance. You cannot afford to always seek the satisfaction of everyone.
With many people, coming in good faith will be detrimental to you.
Know who you're dealing with so you know how to deal with them.
Most people are driven by "what's in it for them".
Everyone will tell you that if you can make that clear right from the start, then you've put your foot in the door.
I think that's wrong in most cases.
Because figuring out what you can give them in exchange of what you want is a leverage you have.
Showing your hand right from the start is a mistake.
Any time you'll try to convince someone of something or try to negotiate with them, you should expect resistance.
Very few people are willing to compromise right from the get go.
And if you feel like the person in front does not want to meet you halfway, then it's often better to start with a ridiculous demand.
Then bargain back to what you actually want by introducing what you're really ready to offer them at a later stage.
It should come in as an element of surprise and a sign of your willingness to concede a little bit on your demands.
This makes the person in front feel that you're taking a step towards them.
But if you did that right from the beginning, they'd ask to get more and give you less.
How you frame the discussion is of paramount importance. You cannot afford to always seek the satisfaction of everyone.
With many people, coming in good faith will be detrimental to you.
Know who you're dealing with so you know how to deal with them.
❤30🔥10
Most people are unhappy because they chase the abstract concept of happiness instead of the inner satisfaction of fulfillment.
Don't just focus on being happy.
Focus on getting shit done and taking on challenges one after the other.
Look forward to adversity and challenges.
The satisfaction you feel when you meet your goals is the easiest way to get "happy", and setting rewarding goals will make this even better.
The best part?
It's not temporary. It's permanent.
Your ability to achieve your goals and challenge yourself grows and solidifies your sense of self.
One way to experience happiness through hard work is to achieve 'flow', where you lose track of everything and immerse yourself in something you love doing.
But it's not just about being "happy".
Seeking challenges keeps your brain active and learning, which becomes increasingly important as you'll get older.
It takes practice, repetition, and persistence to bed in new thinking, so be prepared to put in the effort required to create a new brain map in the motor cortex.
Through consistent challenge and stimuli, you will gradually build new neural pathways in your brain, which will become stronger and more efficient with practice.
If you want to find happiness:
Never stop challenging yourself.
Set your goals (short, mid, and long term), set an action plan for each then follow it relentlessly.
You will not find happiness by chance.
In fact, you will not find happiness.
You will have to create it.
And it starts within.
Seek self-fulfillment through growth and happiness will become your default state.
If you don't know where to start, enroll in The White Pill Program.
The Program usually costs 97$, but it's free for all Social Skills University members.
Don't just focus on being happy.
Focus on getting shit done and taking on challenges one after the other.
Look forward to adversity and challenges.
The satisfaction you feel when you meet your goals is the easiest way to get "happy", and setting rewarding goals will make this even better.
The best part?
It's not temporary. It's permanent.
Your ability to achieve your goals and challenge yourself grows and solidifies your sense of self.
One way to experience happiness through hard work is to achieve 'flow', where you lose track of everything and immerse yourself in something you love doing.
But it's not just about being "happy".
Seeking challenges keeps your brain active and learning, which becomes increasingly important as you'll get older.
It takes practice, repetition, and persistence to bed in new thinking, so be prepared to put in the effort required to create a new brain map in the motor cortex.
Through consistent challenge and stimuli, you will gradually build new neural pathways in your brain, which will become stronger and more efficient with practice.
If you want to find happiness:
Never stop challenging yourself.
Set your goals (short, mid, and long term), set an action plan for each then follow it relentlessly.
You will not find happiness by chance.
In fact, you will not find happiness.
You will have to create it.
And it starts within.
Seek self-fulfillment through growth and happiness will become your default state.
If you don't know where to start, enroll in The White Pill Program.
The Program usually costs 97$, but it's free for all Social Skills University members.
❤16🔥6
🔥5
In the next 5 minutes, you'll know exactly what you should do to replace your negative habits with more positive ones and reinforce them.
No matter what angle you chose to look at how you can optimize and improve your life, you will circle back to the fact that everything depends on your habits and default actions.
I mean that you, as a human, are inevitably conditioned to behave and think in specific ways.
So am I, and so is everyone else.
And that's nobody's fault, just the way we are.
Nor is it the end of the world; because it can be changed.
It can be changed by taking control of said habits, identifying them, replacing them then reinforcing the new practices to make sure they last and you don't relapse to your old ways.
Now, to do that, you'll need to follow 2 crucial steps..
So let me break that down for you.
Step 1: Get to the Root Cause
You can identify the bad habit quite easily if you're being honest with yourself.
Habits are:
Subconscious, as if it was almost an automated action or thought.
A reaction to a trigger.
And that second point is what matters most here.
Because identifying subconscious habits you have might not be challenging, but it is useless to only contemplate them.
And if you can't identify what trigger that behavior, then you can't change it.
So it's of paramount importance that you put the finger on what actually triggers those negative habits.
Listing down negative habits and writing them on a piece of paper might help keep a closer tab on them and remember them better.
Step 2: Reinforcing Good Habits
You and I both know:
The challenge is not in doing the above, it's in continuing to do it consistently.
As with anything else you want to learn and adapt, you will need consistent repetition for this new habit to truly become a default action and replace your old one.
This is why you need to approach it with a willingness to change.
But that's not enough.
Because that is intangible.
What you can do, however, is help yourself and proactively give prevent yourself from relapsing.
You're blessed to be living in an era of technology.
You can set basic reminders that keep you on track.
You'll see those as messages from your past self, and you won't want to disappoint.
One last thing that you can start doing is reframing that habit as something of the past.
As many people know, I've struggled with severe drug addiction for years.
And one of the things that helped me quit was telling myself that I already quit when I was trying to.
So "I take drugs" became "I used to take drugs", even though I had not completely quit at the time.
Talking and thinking about it in the past helped me put a distance between who I wanted to become and who I was.
And framing it this way made it easier for me to move on.
You too can use this to get over any bad habit you want and create structure in your life.
It works for everything.
You too can use this to get over any bad habit you want and create structure in your life.
This framework is the simplest and easiest way to reprogram yourself into the person you want to become.
Apply this to every negative habit you have and get rid of them.
One by one.
If you'd like a more comprehensive and detailed approach, with daily instructions and clear templates to fill; enroll in the White Pill Program.
No matter what angle you chose to look at how you can optimize and improve your life, you will circle back to the fact that everything depends on your habits and default actions.
I mean that you, as a human, are inevitably conditioned to behave and think in specific ways.
So am I, and so is everyone else.
And that's nobody's fault, just the way we are.
Nor is it the end of the world; because it can be changed.
It can be changed by taking control of said habits, identifying them, replacing them then reinforcing the new practices to make sure they last and you don't relapse to your old ways.
Now, to do that, you'll need to follow 2 crucial steps..
So let me break that down for you.
Step 1: Get to the Root Cause
You can identify the bad habit quite easily if you're being honest with yourself.
Habits are:
Subconscious, as if it was almost an automated action or thought.
A reaction to a trigger.
And that second point is what matters most here.
Because identifying subconscious habits you have might not be challenging, but it is useless to only contemplate them.
And if you can't identify what trigger that behavior, then you can't change it.
So it's of paramount importance that you put the finger on what actually triggers those negative habits.
Listing down negative habits and writing them on a piece of paper might help keep a closer tab on them and remember them better.
Step 2: Reinforcing Good Habits
You and I both know:
The challenge is not in doing the above, it's in continuing to do it consistently.
As with anything else you want to learn and adapt, you will need consistent repetition for this new habit to truly become a default action and replace your old one.
This is why you need to approach it with a willingness to change.
But that's not enough.
Because that is intangible.
What you can do, however, is help yourself and proactively give prevent yourself from relapsing.
You're blessed to be living in an era of technology.
You can set basic reminders that keep you on track.
You'll see those as messages from your past self, and you won't want to disappoint.
One last thing that you can start doing is reframing that habit as something of the past.
As many people know, I've struggled with severe drug addiction for years.
And one of the things that helped me quit was telling myself that I already quit when I was trying to.
So "I take drugs" became "I used to take drugs", even though I had not completely quit at the time.
Talking and thinking about it in the past helped me put a distance between who I wanted to become and who I was.
And framing it this way made it easier for me to move on.
You too can use this to get over any bad habit you want and create structure in your life.
It works for everything.
You too can use this to get over any bad habit you want and create structure in your life.
This framework is the simplest and easiest way to reprogram yourself into the person you want to become.
Apply this to every negative habit you have and get rid of them.
One by one.
If you'd like a more comprehensive and detailed approach, with daily instructions and clear templates to fill; enroll in the White Pill Program.
🔥19❤1
❤5
Why would you care about those who talk shit about you?
Those who believe them are no better than them.
Cut out both.
Anyone who has time to gossip about you has nothing worthy going on in their life.
Again:
Why would you care about the opinion of such people?
Why would it take a toll on you?
Why would it affect you at all?
Don't direct any energy or thought towards them.
Let them rot in their mediocrity.
All they can do is criticize what they can't be.
Ignore.
Pave you way.
Your future self is waiting for you.
Those who believe them are no better than them.
Cut out both.
Anyone who has time to gossip about you has nothing worthy going on in their life.
Again:
Why would you care about the opinion of such people?
Why would it take a toll on you?
Why would it affect you at all?
Don't direct any energy or thought towards them.
Let them rot in their mediocrity.
All they can do is criticize what they can't be.
Ignore.
Pave you way.
Your future self is waiting for you.
🔥34❤11
Cleans Hands, Clean Mind
Dirty Hands, Dirty Mind
This is a lesson about how being clean influences your moral choices and how you can use this to convince people.
We often use the idea of being clean as a way to talk about being good and moral. For example, we might say that someone who lives a good life is living a "clean life."
Some researchers wanted to see if thinking about cleanliness could actually make people more moral. They asked some students to clean their hands with a special towel and then asked everyone to rate how moral they thought different social issues were. The students who had cleaned their hands actually rated the issues as less moral than the students who hadn't cleaned their hands. This means that thinking about cleanliness might make people more likely to be moral, while thinking about dirtiness might make people less moral.
So if you want to encourage someone to make a good, moral decision, you have to make them clean. And if you want to discourage someone from making a moral decision, you want to make them feel dirty.
If you want someone to feel clean and good, you can ask them to wash their hands, make the place clean and neat, and use words that mean "clean living" or "pure intentions".
But if you want someone to feel dirty and not so good, you can show them a messy place, have them touch something dirty, and use words like "stained reputation" or "dirty secrets".
This sets up the tone and will influence their moral judgment depending on where you're leading them.
Make good use of this.
Dirty Hands, Dirty Mind
This is a lesson about how being clean influences your moral choices and how you can use this to convince people.
We often use the idea of being clean as a way to talk about being good and moral. For example, we might say that someone who lives a good life is living a "clean life."
Some researchers wanted to see if thinking about cleanliness could actually make people more moral. They asked some students to clean their hands with a special towel and then asked everyone to rate how moral they thought different social issues were. The students who had cleaned their hands actually rated the issues as less moral than the students who hadn't cleaned their hands. This means that thinking about cleanliness might make people more likely to be moral, while thinking about dirtiness might make people less moral.
So if you want to encourage someone to make a good, moral decision, you have to make them clean. And if you want to discourage someone from making a moral decision, you want to make them feel dirty.
If you want someone to feel clean and good, you can ask them to wash their hands, make the place clean and neat, and use words that mean "clean living" or "pure intentions".
But if you want someone to feel dirty and not so good, you can show them a messy place, have them touch something dirty, and use words like "stained reputation" or "dirty secrets".
This sets up the tone and will influence their moral judgment depending on where you're leading them.
Make good use of this.
❤16🔥8
You completely decide where you stand mentally.
Mental fortitude comes down to one thing:
What the fuck is going on between your ears?
What are you saying to yourself that nobody else is listening to.
This is not about repeating affirmations brainlessly.
This is about thinking intentionally.
Living purposefully.
Your subconscious is powerful.
But if you let it lead the dance, you'll find yourself down bad very soon.
Your subconscious doesn't think, it just reacts.
If you don't learn to think:
You are never going to make it.
The difference between those who make it and those who don't, is that those who make it take full responsibility for every action they make.
Because every action they make is thoughtful and well processed.
They act.
They don't react.
They shape the world.
They're not shaped by the world.
Know where you fucking stand.
Fix your mind and you'll fix the whole world.
You are a conscious being.
Act like it.
Mental fortitude comes down to one thing:
What the fuck is going on between your ears?
What are you saying to yourself that nobody else is listening to.
This is not about repeating affirmations brainlessly.
This is about thinking intentionally.
Living purposefully.
Your subconscious is powerful.
But if you let it lead the dance, you'll find yourself down bad very soon.
Your subconscious doesn't think, it just reacts.
If you don't learn to think:
You are never going to make it.
The difference between those who make it and those who don't, is that those who make it take full responsibility for every action they make.
Because every action they make is thoughtful and well processed.
They act.
They don't react.
They shape the world.
They're not shaped by the world.
Know where you fucking stand.
Fix your mind and you'll fix the whole world.
You are a conscious being.
Act like it.
🔥23❤19
It all comes down to your mental frames.
How do you think?
How do you approach things you encounter?
How do you perceive the world around you and the people in it?
If you tend to have a negative lens, you condition yourself to feel more negative feelings.
That's why they say that how you see the world says more about you than it says about the world.
Understand this:
Your brain understands the world by associating elements together and making connections.
Just think about instincts:
Food + Hunger = No Hunger
Or think about how language is learned:
A + N + D make the word AND.
With a better understanding of how your mind functions, you can take control over it by supervising the way it perceives everything.
If you see something as a "chore", you will do it with against your will and it will drain your energy.
If you see the same thing as a "necessity", your whole approach to it becomes different.
Because "Chore" has negative connotations to it, it implies that you're forced to do it.
While "Necessity" also implies that it's non-negotiable, it also implies that there are long term consequences to it.
This is a very slight change but it bears consequences on your life experience and how much you actually enjoy what you're doing.
A good rule of thumb is to always phrase things as if they were part of a grand plan you have.
Your duties are no longer boxes to check but new bricks added on the wall you're building.
Master mental reframing and you will notice a considerable increase in your fulfillment.
How do you think?
How do you approach things you encounter?
How do you perceive the world around you and the people in it?
If you tend to have a negative lens, you condition yourself to feel more negative feelings.
That's why they say that how you see the world says more about you than it says about the world.
Understand this:
Your brain understands the world by associating elements together and making connections.
Just think about instincts:
Food + Hunger = No Hunger
Or think about how language is learned:
A + N + D make the word AND.
With a better understanding of how your mind functions, you can take control over it by supervising the way it perceives everything.
If you see something as a "chore", you will do it with against your will and it will drain your energy.
If you see the same thing as a "necessity", your whole approach to it becomes different.
Because "Chore" has negative connotations to it, it implies that you're forced to do it.
While "Necessity" also implies that it's non-negotiable, it also implies that there are long term consequences to it.
This is a very slight change but it bears consequences on your life experience and how much you actually enjoy what you're doing.
A good rule of thumb is to always phrase things as if they were part of a grand plan you have.
Your duties are no longer boxes to check but new bricks added on the wall you're building.
Master mental reframing and you will notice a considerable increase in your fulfillment.
❤23🔥12
The idea that "ego" is bad or good depending on the definition is completely wrong.
No, it's not because we have a different definitions for the word.
It's because most people overlook the actual meaning of the world and associate it with things that are not necessarily linked to the ego.
The ego is simply your sense of self.
It is the idea you have of yourself.
Nothing more and nothing less.
Now if you hold yourself to higher standards, you objectively do perform better.
Because you have high expectations from yourself and see yourself as someone who deserves the best life has to offer.
If that idea that you hold of yourself is fragile, you will either fall into insecure arrogance or limiting beliefs.
Depending on your upbringing and different experiences you'll have in your life, you will react differently to that ego of yours.
But remember this:
At the end of the day, that idea of ego is nothing but your own making.
The behavior you chose to exhibit according to that idea is ALSO of your own making.
In short, Ego is objectively neither good nor bad. Because you define it.
Ego is not an obscure force that exists on its own.
It is your own creation.
You make it what it is.
And your relationship with that idea is what consequently defines how you interact with the outside world.
But again, even that is up to you.
Of course, the effect of the environment you grow up in and many other aspects that you have zero control over come into play.
But if you were to consider that your identity is solely based on external parameters, then there is literally nothing special about you.
There is absolute no uniqueness in you.
As opposed to actually feeding that mental construct that is your ego and making it stronger.
So that it impact your behavior in positive ways.
This is exactly what I mean when I say making peace with your ego.
It's realizing that your ego is completely up to you.
And if you decide to fight it, you're fighting yourself.
You're fighting something that you did.
And that can't end well.
You cannot afford not to be on your own side.
Think about this.
No, it's not because we have a different definitions for the word.
It's because most people overlook the actual meaning of the world and associate it with things that are not necessarily linked to the ego.
The ego is simply your sense of self.
It is the idea you have of yourself.
Nothing more and nothing less.
Now if you hold yourself to higher standards, you objectively do perform better.
Because you have high expectations from yourself and see yourself as someone who deserves the best life has to offer.
If that idea that you hold of yourself is fragile, you will either fall into insecure arrogance or limiting beliefs.
Depending on your upbringing and different experiences you'll have in your life, you will react differently to that ego of yours.
But remember this:
At the end of the day, that idea of ego is nothing but your own making.
The behavior you chose to exhibit according to that idea is ALSO of your own making.
In short, Ego is objectively neither good nor bad. Because you define it.
Ego is not an obscure force that exists on its own.
It is your own creation.
You make it what it is.
And your relationship with that idea is what consequently defines how you interact with the outside world.
But again, even that is up to you.
Of course, the effect of the environment you grow up in and many other aspects that you have zero control over come into play.
But if you were to consider that your identity is solely based on external parameters, then there is literally nothing special about you.
There is absolute no uniqueness in you.
As opposed to actually feeding that mental construct that is your ego and making it stronger.
So that it impact your behavior in positive ways.
This is exactly what I mean when I say making peace with your ego.
It's realizing that your ego is completely up to you.
And if you decide to fight it, you're fighting yourself.
You're fighting something that you did.
And that can't end well.
You cannot afford not to be on your own side.
Think about this.
🔥23❤4
What people call "Big Ego" is not a strong ego at all.
It is as weak as someone underestimating themselves.
An inflated sense of self, to the degree to which people become arrogant, is not due to an overestimation of who they are.
Quite the opposite.
The people who need to put others down to feel more important are the most insecure ones.
Because facing the reality of things and making sense of who they truly are is a hard pill to swallow.
So they cope and compensate through arrogant behavior to show others that they think highly of themselves.
It's all an act and a shell to protect their real ego.
One filled with self-hatred.
It is a common defense mechanism to act in opposite ways of what we feel to try and prove something.
That's exactly what those people are doing.
That makes them more fragile than someone who admits to having low self-esteem.
Because they're one step further and didn't yet go through the process of self-acceptance.
But you can be sure that nobody truly lives in a delusion where they think they're God.
They're simply acting like douchebags to try and convince themselves of a lie while looking away from the reality of things.
So, if you ever come across someone like this:
Don't fear them.
They're fragile and you can tear them down very easily.
Just spot their weakness and hit hard.
It is as weak as someone underestimating themselves.
An inflated sense of self, to the degree to which people become arrogant, is not due to an overestimation of who they are.
Quite the opposite.
The people who need to put others down to feel more important are the most insecure ones.
Because facing the reality of things and making sense of who they truly are is a hard pill to swallow.
So they cope and compensate through arrogant behavior to show others that they think highly of themselves.
It's all an act and a shell to protect their real ego.
One filled with self-hatred.
It is a common defense mechanism to act in opposite ways of what we feel to try and prove something.
That's exactly what those people are doing.
That makes them more fragile than someone who admits to having low self-esteem.
Because they're one step further and didn't yet go through the process of self-acceptance.
But you can be sure that nobody truly lives in a delusion where they think they're God.
They're simply acting like douchebags to try and convince themselves of a lie while looking away from the reality of things.
So, if you ever come across someone like this:
Don't fear them.
They're fragile and you can tear them down very easily.
Just spot their weakness and hit hard.
❤15🔥11
In my eyes, anyone who uses the word 'trauma' to talk about their past is a little bitch.
The English language is rich and diverse but you chose to pick a word that disempowers you.
You could use "experience" or "background" but instead, you pick a word that makes you sound damaged.
I can't take seriously anyone who purposefully paints themselves in a negative light.
If it's pity you're seeking, you don't deserve any.
People who deserve compassion are the ones who carry themselves with dignity and do their best to improve their situation every single second they breathe.
The English language is rich and diverse but you chose to pick a word that disempowers you.
You could use "experience" or "background" but instead, you pick a word that makes you sound damaged.
I can't take seriously anyone who purposefully paints themselves in a negative light.
If it's pity you're seeking, you don't deserve any.
People who deserve compassion are the ones who carry themselves with dignity and do their best to improve their situation every single second they breathe.
❤32🔥18
Take a second and ask yourself what your full potential looks like.
What type of person would it be?
Define it with specific words.
See it in front of you.
Embody that person, understand it completely.
Now act exactly like that person would.
Any time you're faced with a choice, ask yourself how your ideal self would react.
Ask yourself what you would do if you were perfect?
Do that.
Live in harmony with your higher self.
What type of person would it be?
Define it with specific words.
See it in front of you.
Embody that person, understand it completely.
Now act exactly like that person would.
Any time you're faced with a choice, ask yourself how your ideal self would react.
Ask yourself what you would do if you were perfect?
Do that.
Live in harmony with your higher self.
🔥43❤13
Be cynical in the face of negativity.
Underestimate it.
Laugh at it.
Ignore it.
Don't let it get to your head.
Treat it as if it was nothing.
Whatever seems to want you harm, laugh at its face.
Disempower it.
Ideas only take a toll on you if you entertain them in fearful way.
If you simply don't care?
Nothing attains you.
Carry life from its lighter side.
Don't make everything a burden.
Put yourself in a mental frame where things only matter if they serve you.
Anything else?
Remove it from your reality.
Don't even give it any attention.
Brush it off as if it was nothing.
Keep going.
Que sera, sera.
Underestimate it.
Laugh at it.
Ignore it.
Don't let it get to your head.
Treat it as if it was nothing.
Whatever seems to want you harm, laugh at its face.
Disempower it.
Ideas only take a toll on you if you entertain them in fearful way.
If you simply don't care?
Nothing attains you.
Carry life from its lighter side.
Don't make everything a burden.
Put yourself in a mental frame where things only matter if they serve you.
Anything else?
Remove it from your reality.
Don't even give it any attention.
Brush it off as if it was nothing.
Keep going.
Que sera, sera.
🔥36❤6