goombas don't count?" Mario pressured.
"Oh, they're goombas, you idiot! They sprout back up after a period of time! Why do you think i never run out?!" Bowser screamed.
"And Koopas?"
"Invincible unless you yank 'em out of their shell!"
"Boos?"
Bowser facepalmed. "Now you're just being ridiculous. And don't even get me started on what you've done with the stolen money in my coin blocks!"
Mario frowned. "That-a money wasn't even-a yours to begin wi-!"
"AND all you do is spend that money on parties and sports events for everyone else! Heck, you even go out of your way to invite me! Me! Do you seriously invite your enemies on purpose in the hopes of gaining their favor?! Why not use that money to buy a getaway home like your brother instead of plumbing pipes all your life?!"
"You realize I'm-a also a doctor, right? And, I'm-a giving it back to the mushroom Kingdom!" persisted Mario.
"Gimme a break." muttered Bowser. "Next you're gonna tell me you invest in some nonexistent charity that builds entertainment systems for lonely children with busy parents?"
Mario stared blankly, making Bowser groan in annoyance. He once more started towards his Koopa Copter. All the while, the plumber twiddled his gloved fingers. "I don't-a need that much-a to get by. I may not-a have a big house, but I'm-a perfectly comfortable where I am. Yes, I have-a the money, but what do I need-a so much-a luxury for?"
"My point exactly. You have a sense of nobility and acceptance I simply can't understand." Bowser huffed as he grabbed the edges of his vehicle, hauling himself inside. His gaze sad. "Look Mario, I like you just as much as i hate you. You're a worthy arch nemesis, and, compared to those other maggots that dare call themselves fighters in smash tournaments, you're the greatest challenge I've ever faced. Yet here you are, womanless, still in the same professions, living in a tiny single story with your lousy chicken of a brother's occasional visits. Even someone as hated as you deserves better."
Mario pouted. Once more, it felt like the Koopa had read him like a book. Everything he said had some grain of truth to him he never truly acknowledged, always choosing the safety and wellbeing of others over everything else. Try as he might to search for a rebuttal, he simply could not, leaving the air silent once more. The wind whooshed past as the Koopa Copter revved to life. With nothing else to say, Mario began ambling sadly away.
All the while, Bowser had been struggling to fit in his transport. There was something inside that would not allow him to fit in all the way.
"For crying out loud!" he bellowed. One arm squeezed between him and the tight edges of his Copter. It took some rummaging, but at last he pulled out a question block. He took one look at it and sighed. In a fit of frustration, he tossed it at Mario's head. "Here! A parting gift, loser!"
It struck directly, knocking the short italian on his belly. The impact had just enough force to release its contents. Bowser was already rising into the air when he noticed the peculiar pink and gold object flutter out in a majestic glow. Admittedly, he had forgotten about the powerup block in its entirety, though now knowing what was inside, he reconsidered tossing away something potentially valuable. He left his vehicle running in the case of a hasty retreat, stomping over the empty block and towards the item.
"Hmph... So that's what was in there."
Mario groaned, stumbling to a stand. He was about to retaliate when he saw the powerup in Bowser's claws. His curiosity melted away his agitation "Is that a-?"
"A Super Crown." interrupted Bowser. "Disappointing. Last thing I want is for something that turns me into a gi-" He stopped. The air around him seemed to change on a dime as if just having reached an epiphany. Despite not saying a word, the expression on his face made it seem he was deep in thought. It looked like his mind suddenly raced with endless possibilities as he clutched the crown harder and harder in his hands. A large grin slowly creeped its way onto his snout, bari
"Oh, they're goombas, you idiot! They sprout back up after a period of time! Why do you think i never run out?!" Bowser screamed.
"And Koopas?"
"Invincible unless you yank 'em out of their shell!"
"Boos?"
Bowser facepalmed. "Now you're just being ridiculous. And don't even get me started on what you've done with the stolen money in my coin blocks!"
Mario frowned. "That-a money wasn't even-a yours to begin wi-!"
"AND all you do is spend that money on parties and sports events for everyone else! Heck, you even go out of your way to invite me! Me! Do you seriously invite your enemies on purpose in the hopes of gaining their favor?! Why not use that money to buy a getaway home like your brother instead of plumbing pipes all your life?!"
"You realize I'm-a also a doctor, right? And, I'm-a giving it back to the mushroom Kingdom!" persisted Mario.
"Gimme a break." muttered Bowser. "Next you're gonna tell me you invest in some nonexistent charity that builds entertainment systems for lonely children with busy parents?"
Mario stared blankly, making Bowser groan in annoyance. He once more started towards his Koopa Copter. All the while, the plumber twiddled his gloved fingers. "I don't-a need that much-a to get by. I may not-a have a big house, but I'm-a perfectly comfortable where I am. Yes, I have-a the money, but what do I need-a so much-a luxury for?"
"My point exactly. You have a sense of nobility and acceptance I simply can't understand." Bowser huffed as he grabbed the edges of his vehicle, hauling himself inside. His gaze sad. "Look Mario, I like you just as much as i hate you. You're a worthy arch nemesis, and, compared to those other maggots that dare call themselves fighters in smash tournaments, you're the greatest challenge I've ever faced. Yet here you are, womanless, still in the same professions, living in a tiny single story with your lousy chicken of a brother's occasional visits. Even someone as hated as you deserves better."
Mario pouted. Once more, it felt like the Koopa had read him like a book. Everything he said had some grain of truth to him he never truly acknowledged, always choosing the safety and wellbeing of others over everything else. Try as he might to search for a rebuttal, he simply could not, leaving the air silent once more. The wind whooshed past as the Koopa Copter revved to life. With nothing else to say, Mario began ambling sadly away.
All the while, Bowser had been struggling to fit in his transport. There was something inside that would not allow him to fit in all the way.
"For crying out loud!" he bellowed. One arm squeezed between him and the tight edges of his Copter. It took some rummaging, but at last he pulled out a question block. He took one look at it and sighed. In a fit of frustration, he tossed it at Mario's head. "Here! A parting gift, loser!"
It struck directly, knocking the short italian on his belly. The impact had just enough force to release its contents. Bowser was already rising into the air when he noticed the peculiar pink and gold object flutter out in a majestic glow. Admittedly, he had forgotten about the powerup block in its entirety, though now knowing what was inside, he reconsidered tossing away something potentially valuable. He left his vehicle running in the case of a hasty retreat, stomping over the empty block and towards the item.
"Hmph... So that's what was in there."
Mario groaned, stumbling to a stand. He was about to retaliate when he saw the powerup in Bowser's claws. His curiosity melted away his agitation "Is that a-?"
"A Super Crown." interrupted Bowser. "Disappointing. Last thing I want is for something that turns me into a gi-" He stopped. The air around him seemed to change on a dime as if just having reached an epiphany. Despite not saying a word, the expression on his face made it seem he was deep in thought. It looked like his mind suddenly raced with endless possibilities as he clutched the crown harder and harder in his hands. A large grin slowly creeped its way onto his snout, bari
ng his massive teeth in their full, gleaming glory. It was that same psychotic, challenge-ready face he always displayed when warming up for a duel.
Mario waddled over. His hand outreached. "Okay me-Bowser, gimme the thing."
Silence. He stared at the beast before attempting a snag, only to have Bowser lift it just out of reach.
"Hey, you tossed that at-a me! I think I should-a be the one to keep it!" he protested.
"Hold on tiny man, my brain just hatched a plan!" retorted Bowser. "This thing turns people into some hideous rendition of Princess Peach, right?"
"Eh?" Mario sounded a bit confused. "Y-yes...well, mainly Toadette. She's the only one who's ever tried it on."
"Exactly! And you're just gonna give it to her!" Bowser elaborated. "I say you and I give this thing a whirl! You get what I'm saying?"
The Koopa King's excitement was making him increasingly uncomfortable. With no answer though, he continued.
"Alright, answer me this. Do you still love the Princess?"
Mario gloomily looked down at the dirt. "Are we not-a done with this-?"
"Answer the question-!"
"Yes!" came quicker than he cared to admit.
Bowser's grin grew. "Good! Because a small part of me still needs her too. I betcha she's not completely over you just yet either. I can only imagine the face she'll make if she sees you with someone else!"
"Where are you going with this?"
"I've got an idea, but it's a little radical. See, if someone uses this, mainly me since it was my item block, we could convince Peach that you've moved on and found someone else! It's quite simple really. We use lady me to make her jealous, it works like I know it will, and she'll be jumping back into your arms the moment we throw her over the edge-!"
"What?!" exclaimed Mario. "What in the world makes you think that-a plan would-a work? Do you even-a know how women-a work?"
Bowser snorted. "Listen Mario, I don't think I like this plan anymore than you do. But I think this is about our only option if you want the princess back! Besides, I wanna see the look on her face when she sees her precious plumber with another girl!"
"I would-a never do anything to hurt-a Peach!" Mario continued arguing. "How do you even-a know if the Super-a Crown will work on you?!"
He stared eagerly at the gleaming crown. Its glow casting shadows amongst the various trees and surrounding shrubbery. Every passing second made the Koopa more and more curious. Surely this plan was out of desperation to save his arch nemesis' relationship which, as much as he despised the idea, he knew that it was needed for their lifestyles to function. Peach needed a proper bodyguard, he needed a princess, and Mario needed a love interest. It was not perfect per say, but it was the most viable option he could think of. The last thing he wanted was for things to change between them. This was all he knew.
With the plumber rambling continuously in the background, Bowser slowly lifted the crown in his massive claws. To Mario's horror, the lizard began to glow as soon as the object touched his head. A massive poof burst out of Bowser, shoving Mario to the ground yet again. The monster's bellowing, echoing laugh resonated throughout the entire transformation. For a moment, the memories of facing him years ago in a dark world resurfaced. Eventually the smoke cleared. Mario eagerly stammered to his feet, hesitant to see the result of the Koopa King's reckless decision only to find his towering rival had disappeared. In his place a young maiden with an uncanny resemblance to someone he already knew. She was much shorter than Bowser, yes, but still a giant in contrast to himself.
"So? Did it work?"
Mario's jaw hit the floor. To both their surprises, even his voice had changed. While it was not at all ladylike, carrying an expected gruffness complimented by a rude undertone, it was definitely a drastic change, now caressing Mario's ears with an octave thousands of times softer.
"Ahh! Is that my voice?!" he screeched. "Is that my voice?! And-!?" He stroked his face in shock, feeling the smooth skin that now covered his ha
Mario waddled over. His hand outreached. "Okay me-Bowser, gimme the thing."
Silence. He stared at the beast before attempting a snag, only to have Bowser lift it just out of reach.
"Hey, you tossed that at-a me! I think I should-a be the one to keep it!" he protested.
"Hold on tiny man, my brain just hatched a plan!" retorted Bowser. "This thing turns people into some hideous rendition of Princess Peach, right?"
"Eh?" Mario sounded a bit confused. "Y-yes...well, mainly Toadette. She's the only one who's ever tried it on."
"Exactly! And you're just gonna give it to her!" Bowser elaborated. "I say you and I give this thing a whirl! You get what I'm saying?"
The Koopa King's excitement was making him increasingly uncomfortable. With no answer though, he continued.
"Alright, answer me this. Do you still love the Princess?"
Mario gloomily looked down at the dirt. "Are we not-a done with this-?"
"Answer the question-!"
"Yes!" came quicker than he cared to admit.
Bowser's grin grew. "Good! Because a small part of me still needs her too. I betcha she's not completely over you just yet either. I can only imagine the face she'll make if she sees you with someone else!"
"Where are you going with this?"
"I've got an idea, but it's a little radical. See, if someone uses this, mainly me since it was my item block, we could convince Peach that you've moved on and found someone else! It's quite simple really. We use lady me to make her jealous, it works like I know it will, and she'll be jumping back into your arms the moment we throw her over the edge-!"
"What?!" exclaimed Mario. "What in the world makes you think that-a plan would-a work? Do you even-a know how women-a work?"
Bowser snorted. "Listen Mario, I don't think I like this plan anymore than you do. But I think this is about our only option if you want the princess back! Besides, I wanna see the look on her face when she sees her precious plumber with another girl!"
"I would-a never do anything to hurt-a Peach!" Mario continued arguing. "How do you even-a know if the Super-a Crown will work on you?!"
He stared eagerly at the gleaming crown. Its glow casting shadows amongst the various trees and surrounding shrubbery. Every passing second made the Koopa more and more curious. Surely this plan was out of desperation to save his arch nemesis' relationship which, as much as he despised the idea, he knew that it was needed for their lifestyles to function. Peach needed a proper bodyguard, he needed a princess, and Mario needed a love interest. It was not perfect per say, but it was the most viable option he could think of. The last thing he wanted was for things to change between them. This was all he knew.
With the plumber rambling continuously in the background, Bowser slowly lifted the crown in his massive claws. To Mario's horror, the lizard began to glow as soon as the object touched his head. A massive poof burst out of Bowser, shoving Mario to the ground yet again. The monster's bellowing, echoing laugh resonated throughout the entire transformation. For a moment, the memories of facing him years ago in a dark world resurfaced. Eventually the smoke cleared. Mario eagerly stammered to his feet, hesitant to see the result of the Koopa King's reckless decision only to find his towering rival had disappeared. In his place a young maiden with an uncanny resemblance to someone he already knew. She was much shorter than Bowser, yes, but still a giant in contrast to himself.
"So? Did it work?"
Mario's jaw hit the floor. To both their surprises, even his voice had changed. While it was not at all ladylike, carrying an expected gruffness complimented by a rude undertone, it was definitely a drastic change, now caressing Mario's ears with an octave thousands of times softer.
"Ahh! Is that my voice?!" he screeched. "Is that my voice?! And-!?" He stroked his face in shock, feeling the smooth skin that now covered his ha
nds. The initial fear slowly became maniacal bliss. Bowser looked himself over continuously, giggling with the excitement of a little school girl. Though his massive physique shrunken almost to the size of the beloved Princess Peach, he took joy in how much of a change such a puny power-up had brought to his body. This new feminine form came completely robed in a silky black and gray dress that partially exposed a fully formed bosom yet softly hugged its hourglass shape perfectly. Surprisingly, a small number of his trademark features remained. His thin fingers tugged at the edges of his newly formed lips, revealing a set of sharp teeth. Then he felt the horns protruding from the sides of his head. His excitement slowly faded when he noticed the tail dangling at his backside. "Well, i was going for something a little more prissy. Guess beggars can't be choosers." He twirled around. "Well? Whaddaya think, bucko?"
Mario could not utter a single word. He was surprised the powerup had done anything to Bowser at all. Worse still, it had changed the fearsome beast into some twisted version of the face he loved. Thick eyebrows, sporty muscles, spiked cuffs, and horns?! And those eyes. Those hungry, blazing red eyes. This was far from what he had wanted. Far from anything he was familiar with!
Poof!
"Hey! Eyes up here, stupid!"
His trance shattered. The female Bowser had vanished into a puff of smoke, bringing back the familiar repellent face.
He scowled. "Don't get any funny ideas you idiot, it's still me!"
Mario frowned. "I wasn't! I was-a just surprised the crown worked!"
Bowser arched a brow. "That convincing, eh?" He stamped over to his foe, picking him up by the collar of his neck. "Alright short stock, here's the plan. You know the ins and outs of the Mushroom Kingdom better than I do. Meet me outside the east gate in a week's time, noon. From there…" Bowser placed the Super Crown back on his head. Another poof later and the twisted version of Peach had returned. "...You guide me inside, and we have a little ...get together in heaven. Just the two of us. All we need then is do the stupidest couple's things we can imagine in front of Princess Peach and the rest is history!"
Such an idea was difficult to swallow. "A-Are-a you suggesting we go on-a date?"
"A fake date of course!" Bowser laughed, tossing him at the dirt. "Easy peasy! Pretty soon, Peach will have to beg for you to return! C'mon. What's so difficult about pretending to date another girl so you can get your ex back?"
Dirt decorated Mario's once white wedding attire, reflecting how dirty he felt about the idea. "W-What if she doesn't-a believe it?"
"She will believe it!" he roared. A fireball exploding violently in his mouth. "We're going to do the most stomach churning, cavity-inducing things that lovers do so you can wrap her around your finger!" He lumbered to Mario's feet. His massive, feminine figure looming menacingly overhead. "I'm doing this for you! For the three of us! Believe me when I say the last thing I want is for anything to change! Now, are you gonna man up? Or are you willing to lose Peach to someone like, say, Wario?"
Mario's eyes peeled back in absolute horror. Without a second thought, he stretched his arm.
Bowser leered a wide, toothy smile. He did the same, grasping the gloved hand in his own.
"I...I accept-a the terms...Bowser." he shuttered.
The Koopa thought for a moment before replying. "I'm a 'she' now Mario. Call me...Bowsette."
Mario could not utter a single word. He was surprised the powerup had done anything to Bowser at all. Worse still, it had changed the fearsome beast into some twisted version of the face he loved. Thick eyebrows, sporty muscles, spiked cuffs, and horns?! And those eyes. Those hungry, blazing red eyes. This was far from what he had wanted. Far from anything he was familiar with!
Poof!
"Hey! Eyes up here, stupid!"
His trance shattered. The female Bowser had vanished into a puff of smoke, bringing back the familiar repellent face.
He scowled. "Don't get any funny ideas you idiot, it's still me!"
Mario frowned. "I wasn't! I was-a just surprised the crown worked!"
Bowser arched a brow. "That convincing, eh?" He stamped over to his foe, picking him up by the collar of his neck. "Alright short stock, here's the plan. You know the ins and outs of the Mushroom Kingdom better than I do. Meet me outside the east gate in a week's time, noon. From there…" Bowser placed the Super Crown back on his head. Another poof later and the twisted version of Peach had returned. "...You guide me inside, and we have a little ...get together in heaven. Just the two of us. All we need then is do the stupidest couple's things we can imagine in front of Princess Peach and the rest is history!"
Such an idea was difficult to swallow. "A-Are-a you suggesting we go on-a date?"
"A fake date of course!" Bowser laughed, tossing him at the dirt. "Easy peasy! Pretty soon, Peach will have to beg for you to return! C'mon. What's so difficult about pretending to date another girl so you can get your ex back?"
Dirt decorated Mario's once white wedding attire, reflecting how dirty he felt about the idea. "W-What if she doesn't-a believe it?"
"She will believe it!" he roared. A fireball exploding violently in his mouth. "We're going to do the most stomach churning, cavity-inducing things that lovers do so you can wrap her around your finger!" He lumbered to Mario's feet. His massive, feminine figure looming menacingly overhead. "I'm doing this for you! For the three of us! Believe me when I say the last thing I want is for anything to change! Now, are you gonna man up? Or are you willing to lose Peach to someone like, say, Wario?"
Mario's eyes peeled back in absolute horror. Without a second thought, he stretched his arm.
Bowser leered a wide, toothy smile. He did the same, grasping the gloved hand in his own.
"I...I accept-a the terms...Bowser." he shuttered.
The Koopa thought for a moment before replying. "I'm a 'she' now Mario. Call me...Bowsette."
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Someone have been hitting too many cocks in Zelda