-at some point literally minutes away from ending 2020, i met a noice gal who has a very clear understanding of how human relationships works and is very good with words. and also, important point, that is in the same vibe of autism than i am, so she can explain things in a way that i'll understand. and she did. and even thought i still dont really get many things, i understand now a lot of things that i didnt before, and that has helped me a lot. so, last year was a big thing for me in this regard, because i learnt a lot. and it helps to understand things, even if i dont share them, or even if im "eww" about them.

-this gal is without any exageration, in the top three of best things that have ever happened to me. and i love her. but i dont want to have a relationship with her, i love her as a friend, and im very comfortable with that. and best of all, she understands it. and thats a very cool thing

-i've been "officially" identifying as aroace for a bunch of months now. and boi does it feel comfy. i first started doing it because there were even more ppl "liking me" that i didnt "like" back, but since i started doing it, i realized that it fits

-so nowadays im open about being aroace with basically everyone everyone who asks, thats it. and im cool with that. and truthfully, i wouldnt be this comfy if not for the gay little ppl that are all around in telegram. it does wonders to have ppl whose answer to "i dont really vibe with having a bf/gf" is "ah, ok"

-will i identify as aroace for the rest of my life? maybe yes, maybe not. who knows. but thats a thing for future me to deal with, "people say phase like impermanence means insignificance" etc etc. for now, one day at a time, im cool with what im cool

-i still have to get the grasp of when/where/how telling ppl that you love them (both in english and in spanish, with different words and expressions) is "acceptable" and wont confuse ppl nor make them uncomfy. last year i got drunk and i texted a ppl "i love you in a non romantic way, take care of yourself damn" and even that was confusing/uncomfy. also i myself am still not comfy about hearts and stuff like that but eh, thats just something i'll have to deal with at some point

-if you're still reading, congratulations, you probably either have talked with me in the past/know me, you dont have adhd, or both

-if you just skipped to the end of the message and you're wondering why the fuck i wrote this thing and/or you're not cool with this message: thats your problem baby. that is your problem and this is my channel

all in all, if anyone here ever catches me using the word "love" or anything like that, i dont want anything with anyone. im here for friends, not for anything more, so be aware of the thing and try to excuse my autism lol

tl;dr i once had a gf and then after that i had that same gf again and both of those were more than i wanted

anyway, relevant reposts i guess

and also i just realized that i never posted this song here apparently? i dont know how i never posted it

this will be disorganized as heck because i wrote it while i was doing other things and didnt revise it before sending it. idc.

anyway, i havent seen almost any studio ghibli movie. i intend to do it someday, but i have seen like, two of their movies in my whole life, and apparently there are a lot, and that is probably the funniest reason for widespread discrimination and social rejection i've ever experienced

i made a haiku

i got distracted
shampoo got in my mouth
not very tasty