No one realizes how dumb they are, until auto correct has zero idea what they're trying to spell.

I'm jealous of people who stay offline for long hours.
It means they have a life.

“When you are silent, you are again beautiful.”

📖 : Virginia Woolf - The Waves

Good night kops!
"YOU WILL NEVER WALK ALONE"
WE ARE LIVERPOOL IT MEANS A LOT!

*laying in the floor drunk*

Maybe this wall is the drunk one & I’m holding it up

You don’t know...

#DV2020 If you applied for the 2020 Diversity Visa (DV) lottery, tonight is your chance to find out if you were selected. Beginning at 7:00 PM you can check your status online at https://dvlottery.state.gov/ by entering your confirmation information. If you lost your confirmation code, you can retrieve it from this website. REMEMBER: The DV Lottery website is the ONLY way to check your status. Beware of fraud. #DV2020

My dad always said, "Work until your bank account looks like a phone number" so I did.

Account balance: $9.11

My first time buying condoms, at age 16, I went to the pharmacy. The hot cashier at the counter could see that I was new at it and gave me the pack asking if I knew how to use one. I said, "No, it's my first time."



She took one out, put it on her thumb and told me to make sure it was on tight.

I still looked confused.

She looked around the store to see if it was empty and it was.

"Just a minute." she said and locked the door.

She led me to the back room, took off her shirt and bra.

"You like these?"

I could only nod my head.

She said to put the condom on.

As I was putting it on, she dropped her skirt, removed her panties and laid down.

"Come on." she said. "We don't have much time."

So I climbed on her.

It was so amazing that I couldn't hold back and KAPOW! I was done in two minutes!

She looked at me concerned and asked, "Did you put the condom on?"

I said, "I sure did!"

...and held up my thumb to show her.
#jockes😝

No one is you and that's your power

Friends: what drug do you prefer for someone who is so lost in the moment?
Me: Try "Football".
Friends: Why?
Me: Whatever in life, you can find it in Football. It may sound weird and not real, but it's real. You can be sad for almost 90 minutes, and when your team scored, woah! The happiness shocks you as a lightning strike. I could state alot of things, yet you won't understand me until you tested it. So folks, go to the dstv house near in your village, buy a seat, and enjoy life.

"Please just a second is all I ask for look at me in the eyes.... Just for a second and tell me you hate and I'll leave you along. I promise. " said max
"I... Can't " day replied
"Why not? "Max asked stepping closer tring to put a hand on max's arm
"You know why I can't " day replied
"Then please stop hurting me" max sighed
"If I don't you'll hurt me" day said getting up but max was to quick
"I won't" max exclaimed
"How can I be sure? " day asked
"Because for collateral I'll give you my heart. You can break it just as easly as killing a fly" max sighed
"How?  Day asked
"Tell me you hate me" max said in a week voice
"But I dont" day exclaimed
"And I won't hurt you" max stepped closer
"See you can't hate me and I wont hurt you its simple" max finished
"You got one chance make it count" day said
Max hugged day "I will" max whispered

#chapterthirtyseven
#gettingtogether
#love

Do not dig a hole for somebody else you yourself will fall into it.
~ #Russian Proverb

Books can’t read, so once a week I read them aloud to each other

Teenager bully: You ugly ass fatso... Get the fuck away

Teenage me: Goes home and cries

*Years later...

Same bully: My back hurts, doc

Dr. Me: Ce est la vie, Bitch!

You know, everybody is carrying a little bit of poop with in them at all times. Supermodels on runways, scary gangsters, serious businessmen....

Money attracts the women you want, struggle attracts the women you need

20% discount sounds great until you realize you can't afford the fucking other 80%

If you are a host to your guest, be a host to his dog also.
~ #Russian Proverb

Cowards dies too many times before their death.
- Julius Caesar