Me: mom look at the picture i took yesterday

Mom: oh hang on
*find glasses(10 minutes), swipe the glasses(3 min) sits comfortably(5 minutes)

Me: *hands her the phone*

Mom: *hits the home button* oh! where did it go?!

A Women that opens her heart to love you, when its already broken, is braver than any person you'll meet

Q: What do u call a white guy with a black dick?

A: Michel Jackson

Tattoo Artist: Hold still

Waving Inflatable Tube Man: I’M TRYING!!!

When you are in a relationship yes you will argue 😒 yes you will assume 😒😒 yes you will cry, fight, have haters, and even people who try to break you up 👣 Trust issues, jealousy, breakups & even makeups. Ex's calling saying they want you back! Boring conversations 💭 heated arguments, and hurtful words being said that you don't even mean 😒 But no matter what you gotta stick through it, regardless of what people think or say!!!! Because true love ain't easy, and easy love ain't true 💯

Note to self: Do not help those who do not want to help themselves!

money in your palm dont make you real.

Moshi moshi subscribers i know i've been offline lately and sorry for that and soon i wiil bounce back guys bear with me🙌

*I miss you
*I miss you too

National anthem for long distance relationship couples

*Me after a first shity date

What a waste of make-up!

God: You’re a Giraffe

Giraffe: Why is my neck so long?

God: It’s the only way you could reach the top of the trees

Giraffe: That makes perfect sense!

*monkey climbs a nearby tree

Giraffe:

God: You weren’t supposed to see that

Living well is the best revenge.

Hitting them with your car is a close second

—If it moves, it's biology.
—If it smells, it's chemistry.
—If you don't get it, it's physics.

Hmmmmm, I always thought sex was biology, not physics

*couples that say "babe" all the time

Him: babe can you plz pass the salt babe

Her: babe sure here you go babe

Him: babe thanks babe

Her: babe you're welcome babe

Him: babe i love you babe

Her: babe i love you too babe

Him: babe

Her: babe

Together: *eyes glowing red* babe

I'm so loyal

I can't even spell chieting.

If someone calls an ambulance to save his life and that ambulance hit someone else, now should ambulance stop to save the person got hit?

The age you die at becomes your personal high score.

A high five is a assisted clap

The infinity sign is a sand clock tipped over, which is why it never ends.