If you have some kind of filter on your profile picture, I automatically assume you are just 13 years old
Me: it’s our third date, you know what this means?
Her: *confidently* I think I do
Me: *saves her number in my contacts*
Her: *confidently* I think I do
Me: *saves her number in my contacts*
Neil Armstrong lands on the moon: Takes 5 photos
The bitch in the mall: Takes 450 photos
The bitch in the mall: Takes 450 photos
Prayers don't count,unless you put it on social media for all to see, right?
We must waste millions of gallons of water each year just by overthinking in the shower.
No matter how many times you beat your dick, you will never truly defeat him.
surgeon basically save your life by "stabbing you correctly"
Driving drunk actually lowers your chances to die from cancer
Anyone who can conquer her heart can conquer the world. #bookquotes
Insurance is kinda like betting with a company that something bad will happen to you
There are people who stand outside of their car smoking because they value their upholstery more than their lungs.
Part of being a gamer is wondering what the hell people who don't game do in their free time
Holding down the power button on a phone or computer is kind of like choking it until it blacks out.
Some girls the moment you tell her "I LOVE YOU" she becomes Phoneless, Cashless, Dataless, homeless & all kinds of lessness😏
My oh my you're so good looking
but who are you when am not looking?
but who are you when am not looking?
Forwarded from Deep Thoughts
U think you know everything
About me
telling fake lies
Just so u can humiliate me
Do the next exercise
Introduce ur upper lip
To your lower lip😃
And shut the fuck up
About me
telling fake lies
Just so u can humiliate me
Do the next exercise
Introduce ur upper lip
To your lower lip😃
And shut the fuck up
Forwarded from Deep Thoughts (Born Fighter🎯)
Love is giving someone the power to destroy you,but trusting them not to.
10 ETERNAL TRUTHS OF THE GENTLEMANLY LIFE
1. A gentleman says "please" and "thank you," readily and often.
2. A gentleman does not disparage the beliefs of others-whether they relate to matters of faith, politics, or sports teams.
3. A gentleman always carries a handkerchief, and is ready to lend it, especially to a weeping lady, should the need arise.
4. A gentleman never allows a door to slam in the face of another personmale or female, young or old, absolute stranger or longtime best friend.
5. A gentleman does not make jokes about race, religion, gender, or sexual orientation; neither does he find such jokes amusing.
6. A gentleman knows how to stand in line and how to wait his turn.
7. A gentleman is always ready to offer a hearty handshake.
8. A gentleman keeps his leather shoes polished and his fingernails clean.
9. A gentleman admits when he is wrong.
10. A gentleman does not pick a fight.
1. A gentleman says "please" and "thank you," readily and often.
2. A gentleman does not disparage the beliefs of others-whether they relate to matters of faith, politics, or sports teams.
3. A gentleman always carries a handkerchief, and is ready to lend it, especially to a weeping lady, should the need arise.
4. A gentleman never allows a door to slam in the face of another personmale or female, young or old, absolute stranger or longtime best friend.
5. A gentleman does not make jokes about race, religion, gender, or sexual orientation; neither does he find such jokes amusing.
6. A gentleman knows how to stand in line and how to wait his turn.
7. A gentleman is always ready to offer a hearty handshake.
8. A gentleman keeps his leather shoes polished and his fingernails clean.
9. A gentleman admits when he is wrong.
10. A gentleman does not pick a fight.
When we finally invent a pill that makes you immortal, someone will eventually choke on it and die.