> be me, quantum cultist, snorted copium since kindergarten
> drop 50k on $IONQ because “quantum only goes up”
> CEO: “every Fortune-500 CEO has a quantum strat”
> mfw McDonald’s gonna supersize fries with entangled salt
> CEO says gate fidelity 99.8 %, sounds sexy
> realize that's still 0.2 % chance my calc turns into alphabet soup
> ask IR when Shor's algo cracks RSA-2048
> they send me link to 2030 roadmap PDF named cope.pdf
> earnings drop: $11 m revenue, $10.9 m is gov handouts
> organic sales? less than what I tip DoorDash
> DeMassi on CNBC: "quantum internet is next multitrillion TAM"
> mfw he pitching teleporting memes while I can't even ping qubit without decoherence
> ask for 1000-qubit cloud instance
> support says "we have 32, but they're logical in spirit"
> “quantum internet” because regular net too useful
> need photon routers so Twitter loads in superposition
> DeMasi tweets "minimum upside CSCO market cap"
> do quick math: need 200 B revenue, currently selling $5 m of fairy dust
> that's only 40,000 % growth, basically guaranteed
> google "proven exponential quantum algorithms"
> find three, all require 1 M qubits and liquid-nitrogen cooled unicorn tears
> file taxes, mark investment as "charitable donation to physics LARP"
> drop 50k on $IONQ because “quantum only goes up”
> CEO: “every Fortune-500 CEO has a quantum strat”
> mfw McDonald’s gonna supersize fries with entangled salt
> CEO says gate fidelity 99.8 %, sounds sexy
> realize that's still 0.2 % chance my calc turns into alphabet soup
> ask IR when Shor's algo cracks RSA-2048
> they send me link to 2030 roadmap PDF named cope.pdf
> earnings drop: $11 m revenue, $10.9 m is gov handouts
> organic sales? less than what I tip DoorDash
> DeMassi on CNBC: "quantum internet is next multitrillion TAM"
> mfw he pitching teleporting memes while I can't even ping qubit without decoherence
> ask for 1000-qubit cloud instance
> support says "we have 32, but they're logical in spirit"
> “quantum internet” because regular net too useful
> need photon routers so Twitter loads in superposition
> DeMasi tweets "minimum upside CSCO market cap"
> do quick math: need 200 B revenue, currently selling $5 m of fairy dust
> that's only 40,000 % growth, basically guaranteed
> google "proven exponential quantum algorithms"
> find three, all require 1 M qubits and liquid-nitrogen cooled unicorn tears
> file taxes, mark investment as "charitable donation to physics LARP"
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Meta cooked!
I mean, almost started to!
I mean, almost started to!
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