"You wouldn't believe it, but according to my research you can cause the most net happiness by taking dogs to the park."

Similar to Peter Singer's drowning child thought experiment, for Utilitarians there is nothing more special about saving one life over another, so theoretically if it would take more effort to save Timmy than it would to save lives across the world by raising money, they should do that instead (people may be tempted to point out that they can simple do both, but no, WRONG, Timmy must die).

"Yes, life is suffering, but it is still worth living because sometimes you get to make children cry, and that's pretty funny."

"Then again this tastes pretty good, so..."

"We can always kill ourselves later."

"Not that I didn't have a chance. I'll have you know that one time I had several discussions with a woman, who kept reminding me that she had a husband for some reason."

Sometimes Kant's moral framework seemed suspiciously like he was recreating puritanical Christian morality with "pure rationality", but nothing was more suspicious than when he tried to justify the rule of not having sex before marriage. He claimed that rationally you couldn't do it because you would be objectifying each other, and even objectifying yourself (???), and therefore treated each other and yourself as merely a means to an end for sexual pleasure. How this changed after marriage, rationally, I could never quite follow. Apparently he also followed this rule himself, and since he never married, well, didn't have that much experience to draw on, to say the least.

One thing the News doesn't like to mention when they call protestors Anarchists is that Anarchism is good and we should do it.

"Is there uh...any other superhero we can talk to?"
"No, I already killed them all and harvested their organs."