"Oh and one more thing, if you do happen to write anything down, make sure to get my opinions on how loverboys are still hot even if they grow a beard, people in the future need to know."

Sometimes people talk about testing voters on their knowledge before allowing them to vote, but I think forcing them to read Rousseau last minute at gunpoint is just more in line with American Values.

For Rousseau, freedom wasn't just the ability to "do what you want" in a naive sense. Freedom meant obeying one's rationality, which ultimately involved adhering to the rules of a legitimate state, one in which the laws are created by the people themselves, i.e., a democracy. (Although most, if not all, democracies under capitalism might not qualify, given that laws don't necessarily apply equally to the rich and the poor, nor are they equally crafted by both groups.)
Rousseau believed participating in the creation of the laws governing the society in which you live was a crucial aspect of rationality and freedom. People who wish to live in society but do not want to participate in shaping its rules are, in essence, childishly rebelling by attempting to opt out of the social contract.
In other words, Pokémon Go to the Polls.

It's a mistake to ground your marriage in pure logic, you have to ground it in empiricism (looking hot).

It could be worse though, imagine you were in a group of Theater Dorks and they were always trying to put on little skits and do improv to pass the time.

But at least he wasn't wrong. It's better to be on fire than to be wrong, when you think about it.

Pragmatists are well known for their ability to bully nerds, that's just a matter of historical record.

Philosophers like Locke and Spinoza in the 17th century argued a lot about whether knowledge comes from rationalism (i.e. thinking about stuff) or empiricism (i.e. looking at stuff). Many took hard line stances that all knowledge comes essentially from only one of the two. It wasn't until philosophers like William James in the 19th century came along that people started to think of knowledge differently, in a more social way. James more or less held that knowledge is merely what works in the world, and progress comes from agreement among a community of thinkers as to what works.
This kind of thinking, along with the more scientific thinking which puts theories to direct testing, is somewhat similar to how sports like MMA changed martial arts by simply testing what actually worked in the real world (which happens to be conking people's heads together like coconuts).