A good question from my "Writing through Reading" group. 🌼🌼🌼

It's about comma splice - the thing I talk about when I don't talk about cohesion.

Here is a sentence from my student's essay: "There is a possibility that people will need to colonize other planets and, consequently, that some funds have to be invested in this research now." Isn't there a comma splice here? "Consequently" is used in the middle of the sentence.

No, no comma splice. We have the conjunction "and" to join the sentences! Adverbs (like "consequently") indeed don't join sentences. But conjunctions do. This would be a comma splice: "There is a possibility that people will need to colonize other planets, consequently, that some funds have to be invested in this research now." But the original sentence isn't.

🌼 My long-read about comma splice: https://iraluts.blogspot.com/2021/09/comma-splice-must-read-for-thus-and.html

🌼 My student's IELTS essay: https://iraluts.blogspot.com/2021/04/ielts-writing-task-2-researching.html

A glimpse of what popped up in my "C2 Proficiency Writing" class yesterday. 🌼🌼🌼

And what popped up is, of course, coherence and cohesion. Look at the beginning of the paragraph. What do you think will come next?

📝 "However, I would not go so far as to say that memories are the determinant part of life. One important issue is that what one remembers can change under the influence of various factors, like personality itself. "

What should come next is how personality can be a factor that influences what one can remember. Now look at the student's paragraph. Is there coherence in what she wrote?

📝 "However, I would not go so far as to say that memories are the determinant part of life. One important issue is that what one remembers can change under the influence of various factors, like personality itself. Even siblings can recall events differently. For example, I would compare our family trip to the sea with a breath of fresh air, while my brother - with eating a rotten fish."

The correct answer is no. What we expect is the explanation how personality can be a factor that influences what one can remember, but what we get is the differences in the memories of the writer and her brother. Look at my re-write:

📝 "However, I would not go so far as to say that memories are the determinant part of life. One important issue is that what one remembers can change under the influence of various factors, like personality itself. Even siblings can recall the same event differently. For example, while an optimistic and upbeat person might compare a family trip to the sea with a breath of fresh air, a more pessimistic and grumpier one - with eating rotten fish. This happens because people's personality can cause them to focus on different aspects of the experience - and thus to remember them better."

OK, now we see how personality might affect memories because "optimistic/upbeat/pessimistic/grumpy" describe personality + we have a clear explanation.

If you haven't read my huge post about coherence and cohesion, make sure to read it by clicking the link:
https://iraluts.blogspot.com/2021/10/enough-has-been-said-about-cohesion.html

Why are IELTS writing tasks so unnatural? 📈

They are aren't - they are exactly what you will be doing when if you study abroad. This is something I talked about with my student Nikita when we met two days ago. He is now doing a Master's Degree at The Technical University of Munich and he got admitted all on his own - without any agencies or consultants.

Two years ago we recorded an interview - an insightful one - about his application process. Here are some questions we talked about:

- Tell us a bit about your academic background. What degree did you get in Russia and what degree are you getting now?
- Is it possible to apply for a master's degree that is not directly related to you bachelor's degree?
- What if there is a gap of several years between getting your bachelor's degree and your application?
- How long did it take you from the very first step to arriving in Germany?
- What was your very first step?
- How did you look for programs?
- How many programs would you say you should apply for? How many did you apply for?
- What are some things you should pay attention to when you check university websites?
- What's the next step after choosing your programs and checking the requirements?
- How long did it take you to prepare for IELTS? Your IELTS score is 7.5. What scores do universities normally require?
- What kind of paperwork is involved?
- Writing a motivation letter. Will the same one work for all your program choices? How long did it take you to write your motivation letters?
- Is it a good idea to google how to write a motivation letter? Why not? What should it include? How important is it?
- Is education free in Germany? Did you apply for scholarships? Did you get them?
- What else do you need to take into account in terms of finances?
- Are you happy? Have you realized your dream?

My main takeaway: be logical, plan everything, don't doubt. 💜

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=93IC2DL5r4o

The last run of my short but epic mini-course "Teaching IELTS writing" in the near future. It's just two sessions - all you need to know to take your first steps in IELTS teaching. 💃💃

💃 Session 1: Writing Task 1
- The panoply of types
- What to teach for each
- Assessment criteria
- Sample answers for different scores (including answers written by me)

💃 Session 2: Writing Task 2
- Garden-variety essay questions
- The structure of any essay
- Understanding and developing the topic
- Assessment criteria
- Common mistakes
- Sample answers for different scores (including answers written by me)

Find out more and see feedback in the product denoscription below:
https://vk.com/market-47977221?w=product-47977221_5648169%2Fquery

A glimpse of what we did in my "Writing Through Reading" class this week. 🌼🌼🌼

A lot of people have trouble writing in academic language. So I took some sentences from the article the students read as homework and "translated" them into simple or informal English. And the students had to "translate" them back into academic English. Have a look at some examples and try your hand at this too:

1️⃣ "Dweck calls the first type a fixed mindset and the second type a growth mindset, and believes that our mindset calls the shots about what we do when we are in a pickle throughout our lives."

Original: "Dweck refers to these as fixed and growth mindsets respectively, and believes that our mindset dictates how we tackle problems throughout our lives."

2️⃣ "Overall, the writers of the story had a hunch that the ballpark figures for the size of the ego-depletion thingy should be upgraded. They later wrote, "actually, we think that ego-depletion is an actual thingy which is similar to being mentally tired."

Original: "Overall, the report’s authors concluded that estimates for the size of the ego-depletion effect should be revised down. They later wrote, “for the record, we think that ego-depletion is a ‘real’ phenomenon analogous to cognitive fatigue”."

3️⃣ ‼️ Your turn. How would you make this sentence more academic?
"Our results may be in the habit of going down if we’re challenged time and again, but if we have enough motivation, our piggy bank of willpower suddenly seems a lot bigger."

I've found that this course - a writing course based on articles from "New Scientist" - has worked superbly. And you can join a new group in September! 📅

Find out more and message me to sign up.
https://vk.com/iralutse?w=product-47977221_5061302%2Fquery

https://iraluts.blogspot.com/2022/08/ielts-writing-task-1-making-of-sugar.html

I want to share a great IELTS Writing Task 1 answer written by my former student Anna Skopina. The task is a process denoscription from IELTS 16 Test 2 - making sugar from sugar cane.

With process denoscriptions, students usually have two problems: 1. The answer is either extremely short (= not fully developed) or extremely long (= with many irrelevant or even made-up details); 2. The denoscription is mechanical and the stages are marked with same type of cohesive devices (first, then, in the next stage etc).

Anna's denoscription is well-balanced and contains a range of cohesive devices, especially ones to indicates stages and sequences. Try to notice them as you read it. (Click the link below to do so.) 📝

🍁🍁🍁 Sometimes I think inversion is the root of all evil...

Here is what a student wrote today, "There are two positive aspects of being motivated by others' approval. Firstly, no sooner do people receive the words of appraisal, than their brains start to produce dopamine, the hormone of pleasure." Oh where do I begin.

One popular IELTS and Proficiency writing/speaking tip seems to be "Use inversion. More inversion. And then some. It's such a high level structure that the examiners will go 'wow' and immediately give you the highest score." Admittedly, it is a high-level grammar structure. But grammar is not just grammar - it has meaning. Inversion is an emphatic structure, which is used to add emphasis. Saying "Not only do I like apples, but I also like pears," doesn't make sense because this sentence doesn't require emphasis. If you use inversion in sentences that don't need emphasis you are demonstrating lack of language awareness, so all your effort is in vain.

Back to the student's sentence. "No sooner ... than" is usually used with the past perfect. And it's usually used on narrative styles, not in academic essays. "No sooner had he entered the room than he was bombarded with questions," is a good sentence. But in a sentence about dopamine, "when" or "as soon as" will do.

This was a sentence from my "Writing Through Reading" class, which is based on articles from the New Scientist magazine. I started this course in February, and since then I have only seen one inversion in all the articles we've read. Inversion is the kind of structure that you really need very rarely. It's good, but you need it when you need it.

New "Writing with New Scientist" group in September! 🍁📅

https://vk.com/iralutse?w=product-47977221_5061302%2Fquery

A glimpse of my "C2 Proficiency Writing" class today. 🌼🌼🌼

So most exams have more or less the same assessment criteria - with some differences in wording, but with the same meaning. C2 Proficiency has one criterion though that IELTS doesn't have at all. So we analyzed the similarities and differences:
- CPE Content = IELTS Task Achievement/Task Response
- CPE Language = IELTS Lexical Resource + Grammatical Range and accuracy (CPE combines two IELTS criteria into one - do you think that's good or bad, btw?❓)
- CPE Organization = IELTS Coherence and Cohesion
- CPE Communicative Achievement = no matching criterion in IELTS! ‼️

Why doesn't IELTS have "Communicative achievement"? Because all the tasks in IELTS, unlike CPE, are the same "genre."

Communicative achievement is a pain in the neck for many students. But if you want to spend the next year studying and practising it, welcome to my C2 Proficiency Writing group - Thursday 10:00 MSK. 📅

https://vk.com/market-47977221?w=product-47977221_3696543%2Fquery

When it comes to writing, the most fundamental thing to understand is your target reader. 📚

When I teach writing for exams, I often ask my students, "Who is your target reader?" Most of the time they reply, "The examiner." While it's technically correct, this understanding of the target reader is not helpful.

It's much better to imagine the following target readers when you write for IELTS or C2 Proficiency:

✅ IELTS Writing Task 1 - investors, corporate executives, business owners, policy makers;
✅ IELTS Writing Task 2 - policy makers, political / social / economic analysts.
(With both tasks, imagine that these people make decisions based on your answers.)

✅ C2 Proficiency Writing Task 1 - teacher, tutor, professor (who will read your answer no matter what);
✅ C2 Proficiency Writing Task 2 Article, Review - magazine and newspaper readers (whose interest you need to engage, otherwise they will stop reading);
✅ C2 Proficiency Writing Task 2 Report - your superior, e.g. your manager or the local council, or your peers, e.g. your colleagues (both groups will read your report because they need the information they asked you to provide);
✅ C2 Proficiency Writing Task 2 Letter - newspaper or magazine editors, directors of international companies (who are interested in what you have to say, but they are busy people working with a lot of information).

These target readers, albeit imaginary, will help you choose the appropriate style and relevant content.

Be brutally honest, what reader do you keep in mind when you write for exams - the examiner or the imaginary readers outlined above?❓

"Irina, don't you get bored of correcting people's grammar when you check their writing?" ❓

I was interviewing a potential student for a writing group the other day and she asked me, "Irina, don't you get bored of correcting people's grammar when you check their writing? People must be making tons of mistakes. It must be annoying to correct all of them."

No, I don't get bored or annoyed. More importantly, it's not what I focus on when I read people's writing. I read for ideas. Ideas are the most important thing in a piece of writing, so I focus on such questions as: Are you answering the question? Is it clear what you mean? Is it interesting to read your piece? Are you telling me something I already know or am I going to learn something new?

Correcting grammar takes almost zero effort - machines can do that pretty well already and will soon be able to do that superbly. But the questions above take some mental work and are much more vital. And they are the foundation of writing - they are the reason for you to write and for the reader to read your work. And it's just as true for writing in a foreign language as it is for writing in your native language.

It's a huge misconception that when we write in English, we write for language. We write for ideas - in IELTS, in CPE, in Creative Writing, in Blogging, always. 💜

PS: I was interviewing the student for my "Write for Real: Blogging in English" course. We are starting on 17 September. 💌

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What is the correct place for the overview in Writing Task 1 (academic)? ❓📈

I get asked this a lot. There are two possible places - and both are "correct." Some people write it right after the introduction, while others put it at the very end of the answer. I always write the overview at the end because I believe it is more logical (and easier) to summarize the main trends after you’ve described them in detail. Besides, when the overview is at the very beginning, the answer ends very abruptly.

Even though I have a good answer to this question, it always makes me cringe. It makes me think that a lot of people treat IELTS as ЕГЭ - one and only one thing is correct, and that thing is defined by experts. In IELTS, however, several things can be correct. One IELTS criterion uses phasing "logically organized" - but this can be achieved in different ways.

Let's go back to the overview. Is it logical to write the overview before the main body? Yes - you are preparing the reader for what's coming. Is it logical to write the overview as the last paragraph? Also yes - you are summarizing everything you've written. How about writing your overview as the third paragraph out of four? It's highly unlikely to be logical.

In short, in IELTS, something is correct not because someone told you so, but because it's logical. 📊

https://iraluts.blogspot.com/2022/09/three-stages-of-learning-to-write-for.html

Writing is a highly complex skill that can take a long time to master. Most likely, improving your writing skills will be a marathon, not a sprint, which will consist of at least these three stages and probably even more sub-stages.

What stage are you at? Or have you completed all three? Did you go through one more, perhaps?❓

My idea of fun or a glimpse of my "IELTS Writing" class today. 🌼🌼🌼

My idea of fun was taking my essay - a good, academic essay - and rewriting it in informal language. The next step was asking the students to rewrite it back. Take a look. What are some things you would need to rephrase?

Topic: "It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?" (Source: IELTS 17)

My first body paragraph (to be clear - the fun version):
"It is true that risks can have value. First, they can really improve your life pronto and very much by making you filthy rich or famous. This is because risky things can quickly bring the same result as years of traditional and familiar things, such as working or safe investments. But even if you fail, you still get schooled either about your deal or about yourself. This schooling definitely is worth its weight in gold on your next try, making it more likely to bear fruit. Risks can therefore be useful and it doesn’t matter if they are a nice shot or not."

A glimpse of my real essay:
First, they can really improve your life pronto and very much by making you filthy rich or famous. >> First, they can lead to a rapid and substantial improvement of the person's life by making them wealthy or famous. 📝

My full essay on the topic (the real one, not the fun one) is available:
- as park of the pack with all IELTS 17 answers https://vk.com/market-47977221?w=product-47977221_5966142%2Fquery
- as a separate download on Boosty https://boosty.to/irinalutsenko

A glimpse of my "Writing with New Scientist" class. 🌼🌼🌼

Surprise, surprise - I want to talk about coherence and cohesion.

Look at a tiny piece of a student's essay and try to notice where cohesion is lacking and coherence is broken:

📝 "People living in cities are exposed to a constant barrage of noise from highways, railways, and outdoor construction activities. This sustains regular background noise which is loud enough to raise blood pressure and heart rate and cause stress, anxiety and depression. Implementation of zoning under noise-control ordinances at the local and federal levels can be effective in mitigating the deleterious effects of noise pollution."

The problem is the last sentence - it comes out of the blue. Let's fix it. In this case, the fix is based on the principle that "old information" should go before "new information." In this case, "the deleterious effects" is old information - the student has already talked about them. "Zoning" is completely new information - and it should come after old information, in which case it won't come out of the blue.

My rewrite:

📝 "People living in cities are exposed to a constant barrage of noise from highways, railways, and outdoor construction activities. This sustains regular background noise which is loud enough to raise blood pressure and heart rate and cause stress, anxiety and depression. To mitigate the deleterious effects of noise pollution, local and federal authorities should develop and implement effective zoning policies."

Now the paragraph is almost identical but much smoother. 🤘

A glimpse of my "IELTS Writing" class (or rather - homework from this class). 🌼🌼🌼

Take a look at this intro to an essay by a student:

📝 "The importance of taking risks either in professional or personal lives have always been questioned. Some believe taking a risk is crucial as it inevitably leads to success. Others, however, think the importance of taking risks is negligible because the drawbacks expose you to setbacks and defeats. I personally believe the advantages prevail over the drawbacks."

What do you notice about it? Probably lots and lot of repetitions. I want to draw your attention to the repetition of "importance." Of course, the word "importance/important" is easy to paraphrase. But don't kid yourself - crucial, essential, vital etc - are all the repetitions of "important." (Well, at high levels at least.) So what can we do? How about we simply delete one instance? Here is my fix:

📝 The importance of taking risks either in professional or personal lives have always been questioned. >> Risk taking in both professional and personal lives has always been a matter of debate.

So we avoid a repetition by simply not expressing this concept at all. 🤘

How about "risks"? This word is hard to paraphrase or to avoid in an essay about risks. What can we do? The best solution here would be probably referencing: risk - it, risks - they. Maybe even "the downsides thereof" (= of risks) or "the downsides of such actions (= actions that involve risks)." This, however, is not that easy and requires careful consideration of sentence structures. But what doesn't at high levels?

A glimpse of my "Writing with New Scientist" class. 🌼🌼🌼

Some people are terrified of repetitions in writing. But why? Repetitions are a valid cohesive device. Take a look at these two sentences from an article in "New Scientist":

1️⃣ "We know nothing about most of these. This lack of knowledge is matched, or even surpassed, by our ignorance about what risks most of these chemicals might pose to human health and the environment."

2️⃣ "Plastic food packaging is often dyed black for aesthetic reasons, but the dye makes the plastic unrecyclable."

The interesting thing here is that in each case the word that was repeated was used as a different part of speech. And this type of cohesion was supported with "this" and "the." Repeating a word like this is not only nothing to be terrified of - it's actually a superb cohesive technique. It sure as hell beats awkward synonyms.

I'm not even sure synonyms exist - and you can find out more about my views in this post:
https://vk.com/iralutse?w=wall-47977221_9952

A glimpse of my "IELTS Writing" class - or rather of my feedback 🌼🌼🌼

I am checking the assignments of new IELTS writing groups and, sure enough, I find myself crossing out the same thing all the time - useless words. I'll give the most typical examples, with useless words being crossed out.

1. The numbers stood at around 300 and 500 respectively at the start of the indicated period...
2. ... remaining stable until another drop to 3,000 in the last two years in question.
3. With regards to the number of shop openings over the period given, ...
4. ... it witnessed a plunge, falling to the point of 600 in 2015.
5. ... leveling off at the figure of approximately 5,000 in 2014.

Why are these words useless? Because they don't serve any purpose. The meaning is exactly the same without them. And if you can cut out a word, always do so. 💪

Do you write these words? Why / why not?❓

A glimpse of my "Writing with New Scientist" class - a paragraph makeover. 🌼🌼🌼

A story of how a good paragraph can become a superb one with the help of ideas.

Topic: What problems might exposure to excessive amounts of noise lead to?

First, look at the original:

📝 "High levels of noise have been linked to a multitude of health issues, ranging from insomnia and anxiety to hearing loss. Clearly, people living in big cities are at particularly high risk of suffering from these, as exposure to industrial and especially transport-related noise is virtually unavoidable in urban areas. As leaving the city for a quieter place is not an option for the majority, they have to stay where they are and constantly put their health at risk."

It's a good paragraph in terms of language, but what it lacks is real ideas. The ideas here are very obvious and the underlined part basically tells nothing new to the reader. Who doesn't know that noise exists in cities? So I told the student to establish the link between noise and health issues, thus developing the idea of health issues.

And here is the second version:

📝 "High levels of noise have been linked to a multitude of health issues, both physical and mental. Biologically, the brain has been trained to constantly monitor the surroundings for signs of danger. Noise can be perceived as such and cause the brain to release stress hormones into the bloodstream, increasing the heart rate and blood pressure. Prolonged exposure to noise, therefore, leads to permanently high levels of cortisol and other stress-related hormones, keeping heart-beat and blood pressure abnormally high. This, in turn, results in health problems ranging from heart conditions and strokes to anxiety and depression, which considerably reduce the quality of life and life expectancy of those who have to experience noise frequently."

Isn't it absolutely superb? I asked to student to add ideas - which she did - but the final result has even more great language and even better cohesion. Ideas are important - they are the starting point of everything else! 👑

A glimpse of my "Writing with New Scientist" class. 🌼🌼🌼

One of the most difficult things to identify in a piece of writing is lacking cohesion. If there is a mistake, you see it. But how can you see what is not there?

But see it you must and let's try doing just that. Read the paragraph below and try to identify the place where cohesion is lacking. Then try to find a fix. Then read mine below.

📝 Original:
"There are several reasons to believe that chemical pollution will be extremely hard to offset. One is that for changes to take place, we would have to immediately stop the production and use of a great number of chemicals, which does not seem feasible. Although there are plans to phase out many of the contaminating substances, the implementation will take decades, which is the time we cannot afford to spend, with the levels of pollution already being critical."

The part that is lacking cohesion is the beginning of the sentence with "Although." In this part, "plans" comes out of the blue - this idea is not connected to anything else in the previous sentence. So why don't we use the principle "old information" before "new information" to fix that?

📝 My re-write:
"There are several reasons to believe that chemical pollution will be extremely hard to offset. One is that for changes to take place, we would have to immediately stop the production and use of a great number of chemicals, which does not seem feasible. Even if the contaminating substances were to be phased out, the implementation of this would take decades, ... ."

"The contaminating substances" is the same as "chemicals" from the previous sentences, so it's "old information." Putting it first makes the text flow better. You must have noticed I have deleted "plans" - well, it's not clear whose plans they are anyway. But I have added "were to be," which is a subtle reference to the idea of plans.

And now we have an almost identical paragraph - which was already excellent in the first place - but it's even more cohesive now and thus even more excellent. 🤘

A glimpse of my "IELTS Writing" class 🌼🌼🌼

Well, not mine technically. Today I want to share a task the wonderful Anna Skopina, who is teaching my IELTS 6.5-7 groups this year, created for her students.

One problem many IELTS students face in Writing Task 1 is repetitions. So they might write a paragraph like this:

📝 "The figure for visitors staying on cruise ships started at 0.25 million, after which the figure experienced some fluctuations. Following this, the figure for visitors increased steadily, reaching 2 million in 2017. As regards the number of visitors staying on the island, the figure grew to 1.5 million but then the figure levelled off until 2015. This was followed by the figure dipping slightly and recovering to 1.5 million visitors in 2017."

The word "figure" doesn't really have any synonyms (well, maybe, apart from "number"). And "attendees" is, of course, not the same as "visitors." So what can we do to avoid the repetitions? Here is Anna's solution:

📝 "The figure for visitors staying on cruise ships started at 0.25 million, after which it experienced some fluctuations. Following this, the number increased steadily, reaching 2 million in 2017. As regards those who stayed on the island, their number grew to 1.5 million but then leveled off until 2015. This was followed by a slight dip and then a recovery to 1.5 million visitors in 2017."

It's about pronouns and sentence structures rather than synonyms.

Btw, all of my IELTS groups started only a couple of weeks ago, so it's not too late to join. Find out more:
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A glimpse of my "C2 Proficiency Writing" class 🌼🌼🌼

I am going to use a paragraph from my C2 Proficiency Writing class, but the comment and the suggestions are true for most types of writing.

📝 So here is the student's paragraph:

"There is no doubt that dumping things takes a toll on our planet. Despite the fact that ordinary people and eco-friendly organisations recycle things, we do not live in cities free from pollution. One factor contributing to this is the settled trend for fast fashion, which lures customers into buying more and in bulk. Craving for novelty, people discard their things instead of reusing or mending them."

The problem here is the word "things." The problem with the word "thing" is that it's really a placeholder - it can mean anything, which is not good for academic writing. Academic writing - and probably any writing - has to be specific.

📝 Here is my re-write:

"There is no doubt that the massive amounts of garbage we create take a toll on our planet. Despite the the recycling efforts by both ordinary people and eco-friendly organisations, we still do not live in cities free from pollution. One factor contributing to this is the settled trend for fast fashion, which lures customers into buying more and in bulk. Craving for novelty, people discard their clothes instead of reusing or mending them."

Doesn't the paragraph sound much better now?