A glimpse of my "IELTS Writing" class (or rather - homework from this class). 🌼🌼🌼
Take a look at this intro to an essay by a student:
📝 "The importance of taking risks either in professional or personal lives have always been questioned. Some believe taking a risk is crucial as it inevitably leads to success. Others, however, think the importance of taking risks is negligible because the drawbacks expose you to setbacks and defeats. I personally believe the advantages prevail over the drawbacks."
What do you notice about it? Probably lots and lot of repetitions. I want to draw your attention to the repetition of "importance." Of course, the word "importance/important" is easy to paraphrase. But don't kid yourself - crucial, essential, vital etc - are all the repetitions of "important." (Well, at high levels at least.) So what can we do? How about we simply delete one instance? Here is my fix:
📝 The importance of taking risks either in professional or personal lives have always been questioned. >> Risk taking in both professional and personal lives has always been a matter of debate.
So we avoid a repetition by simply not expressing this concept at all. 🤘
How about "risks"? This word is hard to paraphrase or to avoid in an essay about risks. What can we do? The best solution here would be probably referencing: risk - it, risks - they. Maybe even "the downsides thereof" (= of risks) or "the downsides of such actions (= actions that involve risks)." This, however, is not that easy and requires careful consideration of sentence structures. But what doesn't at high levels?
Take a look at this intro to an essay by a student:
📝 "The importance of taking risks either in professional or personal lives have always been questioned. Some believe taking a risk is crucial as it inevitably leads to success. Others, however, think the importance of taking risks is negligible because the drawbacks expose you to setbacks and defeats. I personally believe the advantages prevail over the drawbacks."
What do you notice about it? Probably lots and lot of repetitions. I want to draw your attention to the repetition of "importance." Of course, the word "importance/important" is easy to paraphrase. But don't kid yourself - crucial, essential, vital etc - are all the repetitions of "important." (Well, at high levels at least.) So what can we do? How about we simply delete one instance? Here is my fix:
📝 The importance of taking risks either in professional or personal lives have always been questioned. >> Risk taking in both professional and personal lives has always been a matter of debate.
So we avoid a repetition by simply not expressing this concept at all. 🤘
How about "risks"? This word is hard to paraphrase or to avoid in an essay about risks. What can we do? The best solution here would be probably referencing: risk - it, risks - they. Maybe even "the downsides thereof" (= of risks) or "the downsides of such actions (= actions that involve risks)." This, however, is not that easy and requires careful consideration of sentence structures. But what doesn't at high levels?
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A glimpse of my "Writing with New Scientist" class. 🌼🌼🌼
Some people are terrified of repetitions in writing. But why? Repetitions are a valid cohesive device. Take a look at these two sentences from an article in "New Scientist":
1️⃣ "We know nothing about most of these. This lack of knowledge is matched, or even surpassed, by our ignorance about what risks most of these chemicals might pose to human health and the environment."
2️⃣ "Plastic food packaging is often dyed black for aesthetic reasons, but the dye makes the plastic unrecyclable."
The interesting thing here is that in each case the word that was repeated was used as a different part of speech. And this type of cohesion was supported with "this" and "the." Repeating a word like this is not only nothing to be terrified of - it's actually a superb cohesive technique. It sure as hell beats awkward synonyms.
I'm not even sure synonyms exist - and you can find out more about my views in this post:
https://vk.com/iralutse?w=wall-47977221_9952
Some people are terrified of repetitions in writing. But why? Repetitions are a valid cohesive device. Take a look at these two sentences from an article in "New Scientist":
1️⃣ "We know nothing about most of these. This lack of knowledge is matched, or even surpassed, by our ignorance about what risks most of these chemicals might pose to human health and the environment."
2️⃣ "Plastic food packaging is often dyed black for aesthetic reasons, but the dye makes the plastic unrecyclable."
The interesting thing here is that in each case the word that was repeated was used as a different part of speech. And this type of cohesion was supported with "this" and "the." Repeating a word like this is not only nothing to be terrified of - it's actually a superb cohesive technique. It sure as hell beats awkward synonyms.
I'm not even sure synonyms exist - and you can find out more about my views in this post:
https://vk.com/iralutse?w=wall-47977221_9952
VK
Irina Lutsenko | IELTS 9, writing, cohesion. Пост со стены.
🎎 On synonyms 🎎
I have a confession to make. I don't believe in synonyms. (There, I said it.)... Смотрите полностью ВКонтакте.
I have a confession to make. I don't believe in synonyms. (There, I said it.)... Смотрите полностью ВКонтакте.
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A glimpse of my "IELTS Writing" class - or rather of my feedback 🌼🌼🌼
I am checking the assignments of new IELTS writing groups and, sure enough, I find myself crossing out the same thing all the time - useless words. I'll give the most typical examples, with useless words being crossed out.
1. The numbers stood at around 300 and 500 respectively at the start of theindicated period...
2. ... remaining stable until another drop to 3,000 in the last two yearsin question.
3. With regards to the number of shop openings over the periodgiven, ...
4. ... it witnessed a plunge, falling tothe point of 600 in 2015.
5. ... leveling off atthe figure of approximately 5,000 in 2014.
Why are these words useless? Because they don't serve any purpose. The meaning is exactly the same without them. And if you can cut out a word, always do so. 💪
Do you write these words? Why / why not?❓
I am checking the assignments of new IELTS writing groups and, sure enough, I find myself crossing out the same thing all the time - useless words. I'll give the most typical examples, with useless words being crossed out.
1. The numbers stood at around 300 and 500 respectively at the start of the
2. ... remaining stable until another drop to 3,000 in the last two years
3. With regards to the number of shop openings over the period
4. ... it witnessed a plunge, falling to
5. ... leveling off at
Why are these words useless? Because they don't serve any purpose. The meaning is exactly the same without them. And if you can cut out a word, always do so. 💪
Do you write these words? Why / why not?❓
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A glimpse of my "Writing with New Scientist" class - a paragraph makeover. 🌼🌼🌼
A story of how a good paragraph can become a superb one with the help of ideas.
Topic: What problems might exposure to excessive amounts of noise lead to?
First, look at the original:
📝 "High levels of noise have been linked to a multitude of health issues, ranging from insomnia and anxiety to hearing loss. Clearly, people living in big cities are at particularly high risk of suffering from these, as exposure to industrial and especially transport-related noise is virtually unavoidable in urban areas. As leaving the city for a quieter place is not an option for the majority, they have to stay where they are and constantly put their health at risk."
It's a good paragraph in terms of language, but what it lacks is real ideas. The ideas here are very obvious and the underlined part basically tells nothing new to the reader. Who doesn't know that noise exists in cities? So I told the student to establish the link between noise and health issues, thus developing the idea of health issues.
And here is the second version:
📝 "High levels of noise have been linked to a multitude of health issues, both physical and mental. Biologically, the brain has been trained to constantly monitor the surroundings for signs of danger. Noise can be perceived as such and cause the brain to release stress hormones into the bloodstream, increasing the heart rate and blood pressure. Prolonged exposure to noise, therefore, leads to permanently high levels of cortisol and other stress-related hormones, keeping heart-beat and blood pressure abnormally high. This, in turn, results in health problems ranging from heart conditions and strokes to anxiety and depression, which considerably reduce the quality of life and life expectancy of those who have to experience noise frequently."
Isn't it absolutely superb? I asked to student to add ideas - which she did - but the final result has even more great language and even better cohesion. Ideas are important - they are the starting point of everything else! 👑
A story of how a good paragraph can become a superb one with the help of ideas.
Topic: What problems might exposure to excessive amounts of noise lead to?
First, look at the original:
📝 "High levels of noise have been linked to a multitude of health issues, ranging from insomnia and anxiety to hearing loss. Clearly, people living in big cities are at particularly high risk of suffering from these, as exposure to industrial and especially transport-related noise is virtually unavoidable in urban areas. As leaving the city for a quieter place is not an option for the majority, they have to stay where they are and constantly put their health at risk."
It's a good paragraph in terms of language, but what it lacks is real ideas. The ideas here are very obvious and the underlined part basically tells nothing new to the reader. Who doesn't know that noise exists in cities? So I told the student to establish the link between noise and health issues, thus developing the idea of health issues.
And here is the second version:
📝 "High levels of noise have been linked to a multitude of health issues, both physical and mental. Biologically, the brain has been trained to constantly monitor the surroundings for signs of danger. Noise can be perceived as such and cause the brain to release stress hormones into the bloodstream, increasing the heart rate and blood pressure. Prolonged exposure to noise, therefore, leads to permanently high levels of cortisol and other stress-related hormones, keeping heart-beat and blood pressure abnormally high. This, in turn, results in health problems ranging from heart conditions and strokes to anxiety and depression, which considerably reduce the quality of life and life expectancy of those who have to experience noise frequently."
Isn't it absolutely superb? I asked to student to add ideas - which she did - but the final result has even more great language and even better cohesion. Ideas are important - they are the starting point of everything else! 👑
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A glimpse of my "Writing with New Scientist" class. 🌼🌼🌼
One of the most difficult things to identify in a piece of writing is lacking cohesion. If there is a mistake, you see it. But how can you see what is not there?
But see it you must and let's try doing just that. Read the paragraph below and try to identify the place where cohesion is lacking. Then try to find a fix. Then read mine below.
📝 Original:
"There are several reasons to believe that chemical pollution will be extremely hard to offset. One is that for changes to take place, we would have to immediately stop the production and use of a great number of chemicals, which does not seem feasible. Although there are plans to phase out many of the contaminating substances, the implementation will take decades, which is the time we cannot afford to spend, with the levels of pollution already being critical."
The part that is lacking cohesion is the beginning of the sentence with "Although." In this part, "plans" comes out of the blue - this idea is not connected to anything else in the previous sentence. So why don't we use the principle "old information" before "new information" to fix that?
📝 My re-write:
"There are several reasons to believe that chemical pollution will be extremely hard to offset. One is that for changes to take place, we would have to immediately stop the production and use of a great number of chemicals, which does not seem feasible. Even if the contaminating substances were to be phased out, the implementation of this would take decades, ... ."
"The contaminating substances" is the same as "chemicals" from the previous sentences, so it's "old information." Putting it first makes the text flow better. You must have noticed I have deleted "plans" - well, it's not clear whose plans they are anyway. But I have added "were to be," which is a subtle reference to the idea of plans.
And now we have an almost identical paragraph - which was already excellent in the first place - but it's even more cohesive now and thus even more excellent. 🤘
One of the most difficult things to identify in a piece of writing is lacking cohesion. If there is a mistake, you see it. But how can you see what is not there?
But see it you must and let's try doing just that. Read the paragraph below and try to identify the place where cohesion is lacking. Then try to find a fix. Then read mine below.
📝 Original:
"There are several reasons to believe that chemical pollution will be extremely hard to offset. One is that for changes to take place, we would have to immediately stop the production and use of a great number of chemicals, which does not seem feasible. Although there are plans to phase out many of the contaminating substances, the implementation will take decades, which is the time we cannot afford to spend, with the levels of pollution already being critical."
The part that is lacking cohesion is the beginning of the sentence with "Although." In this part, "plans" comes out of the blue - this idea is not connected to anything else in the previous sentence. So why don't we use the principle "old information" before "new information" to fix that?
📝 My re-write:
"There are several reasons to believe that chemical pollution will be extremely hard to offset. One is that for changes to take place, we would have to immediately stop the production and use of a great number of chemicals, which does not seem feasible. Even if the contaminating substances were to be phased out, the implementation of this would take decades, ... ."
"The contaminating substances" is the same as "chemicals" from the previous sentences, so it's "old information." Putting it first makes the text flow better. You must have noticed I have deleted "plans" - well, it's not clear whose plans they are anyway. But I have added "were to be," which is a subtle reference to the idea of plans.
And now we have an almost identical paragraph - which was already excellent in the first place - but it's even more cohesive now and thus even more excellent. 🤘
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A glimpse of my "IELTS Writing" class 🌼🌼🌼
Well, not mine technically. Today I want to share a task the wonderful Anna Skopina, who is teaching my IELTS 6.5-7 groups this year, created for her students.
One problem many IELTS students face in Writing Task 1 is repetitions. So they might write a paragraph like this:
📝 "The figure for visitors staying on cruise ships started at 0.25 million, after which the figure experienced some fluctuations. Following this, the figure for visitors increased steadily, reaching 2 million in 2017. As regards the number of visitors staying on the island, the figure grew to 1.5 million but then the figure levelled off until 2015. This was followed by the figure dipping slightly and recovering to 1.5 million visitors in 2017."
The word "figure" doesn't really have any synonyms (well, maybe, apart from "number"). And "attendees" is, of course, not the same as "visitors." So what can we do to avoid the repetitions? Here is Anna's solution:
📝 "The figure for visitors staying on cruise ships started at 0.25 million, after which it experienced some fluctuations. Following this, the number increased steadily, reaching 2 million in 2017. As regards those who stayed on the island, their number grew to 1.5 million but then leveled off until 2015. This was followed by a slight dip and then a recovery to 1.5 million visitors in 2017."
It's about pronouns and sentence structures rather than synonyms.
Btw, all of my IELTS groups started only a couple of weeks ago, so it's not too late to join. Find out more:
https://m.vk.com/product-47977221_3696544
Well, not mine technically. Today I want to share a task the wonderful Anna Skopina, who is teaching my IELTS 6.5-7 groups this year, created for her students.
One problem many IELTS students face in Writing Task 1 is repetitions. So they might write a paragraph like this:
📝 "The figure for visitors staying on cruise ships started at 0.25 million, after which the figure experienced some fluctuations. Following this, the figure for visitors increased steadily, reaching 2 million in 2017. As regards the number of visitors staying on the island, the figure grew to 1.5 million but then the figure levelled off until 2015. This was followed by the figure dipping slightly and recovering to 1.5 million visitors in 2017."
The word "figure" doesn't really have any synonyms (well, maybe, apart from "number"). And "attendees" is, of course, not the same as "visitors." So what can we do to avoid the repetitions? Here is Anna's solution:
📝 "The figure for visitors staying on cruise ships started at 0.25 million, after which it experienced some fluctuations. Following this, the number increased steadily, reaching 2 million in 2017. As regards those who stayed on the island, their number grew to 1.5 million but then leveled off until 2015. This was followed by a slight dip and then a recovery to 1.5 million visitors in 2017."
It's about pronouns and sentence structures rather than synonyms.
Btw, all of my IELTS groups started only a couple of weeks ago, so it's not too late to join. Find out more:
https://m.vk.com/product-47977221_3696544
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A glimpse of my "C2 Proficiency Writing" class 🌼🌼🌼
I am going to use a paragraph from my C2 Proficiency Writing class, but the comment and the suggestions are true for most types of writing.
📝 So here is the student's paragraph:
"There is no doubt that dumping things takes a toll on our planet. Despite the fact that ordinary people and eco-friendly organisations recycle things, we do not live in cities free from pollution. One factor contributing to this is the settled trend for fast fashion, which lures customers into buying more and in bulk. Craving for novelty, people discard their things instead of reusing or mending them."
The problem here is the word "things." The problem with the word "thing" is that it's really a placeholder - it can mean anything, which is not good for academic writing. Academic writing - and probably any writing - has to be specific.
📝 Here is my re-write:
"There is no doubt that the massive amounts of garbage we create take a toll on our planet. Despite the the recycling efforts by both ordinary people and eco-friendly organisations, we still do not live in cities free from pollution. One factor contributing to this is the settled trend for fast fashion, which lures customers into buying more and in bulk. Craving for novelty, people discard their clothes instead of reusing or mending them."
Doesn't the paragraph sound much better now?
I am going to use a paragraph from my C2 Proficiency Writing class, but the comment and the suggestions are true for most types of writing.
📝 So here is the student's paragraph:
"There is no doubt that dumping things takes a toll on our planet. Despite the fact that ordinary people and eco-friendly organisations recycle things, we do not live in cities free from pollution. One factor contributing to this is the settled trend for fast fashion, which lures customers into buying more and in bulk. Craving for novelty, people discard their things instead of reusing or mending them."
The problem here is the word "things." The problem with the word "thing" is that it's really a placeholder - it can mean anything, which is not good for academic writing. Academic writing - and probably any writing - has to be specific.
📝 Here is my re-write:
"There is no doubt that the massive amounts of garbage we create take a toll on our planet. Despite the the recycling efforts by both ordinary people and eco-friendly organisations, we still do not live in cities free from pollution. One factor contributing to this is the settled trend for fast fashion, which lures customers into buying more and in bulk. Craving for novelty, people discard their clothes instead of reusing or mending them."
Doesn't the paragraph sound much better now?
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A glimpse of my "C2 Proficiency Writing" class - a case of fixed cohesion 🌼🌼🌼
Although it's from my C2 Proficiency Writing class, the principles are true for all types of writing. Topic - tackling environmental issues.
📝 Original:
"I am inclined to believe it is not because we do not do enough. It is because new means of tackling this issue should be implemented. Cumbersome though it might seem, production of non-biodegradable plastic should be prohibited as well as junk paper based mail."
📝 My rewrite:
"I am inclined to believe it is not because we do not do enough. It is because we do not implement new ways of tackling this issue. One such way is prohibiting the production of non-biodegradable plastic."
Two cohesion fixes:
1. The first two sentences are now entirely parallel. In the original, the "it is because" parts were parallel, but the subjects weren't, so the subject "new means" came out of the blue.
2. "Cumbersome though it might seem" is a beautiful phrase, but it does not connect the sentences at all - nothing in the paragraph does. I've added "One such way" to refer to "new ways" in the previous sentence. Result? Fixed cohesion.
My C2 Profieciency Writing group was writing an essay on the topic of garbage. I have an impressive essay on this topic from a previous group. Enjoy!
https://iraluts.blogspot.com/2021/02/if-this-is-not-impressive-i-dont-know.html
Although it's from my C2 Proficiency Writing class, the principles are true for all types of writing. Topic - tackling environmental issues.
📝 Original:
"I am inclined to believe it is not because we do not do enough. It is because new means of tackling this issue should be implemented. Cumbersome though it might seem, production of non-biodegradable plastic should be prohibited as well as junk paper based mail."
📝 My rewrite:
"I am inclined to believe it is not because we do not do enough. It is because we do not implement new ways of tackling this issue. One such way is prohibiting the production of non-biodegradable plastic."
Two cohesion fixes:
1. The first two sentences are now entirely parallel. In the original, the "it is because" parts were parallel, but the subjects weren't, so the subject "new means" came out of the blue.
2. "Cumbersome though it might seem" is a beautiful phrase, but it does not connect the sentences at all - nothing in the paragraph does. I've added "One such way" to refer to "new ways" in the previous sentence. Result? Fixed cohesion.
My C2 Profieciency Writing group was writing an essay on the topic of garbage. I have an impressive essay on this topic from a previous group. Enjoy!
https://iraluts.blogspot.com/2021/02/if-this-is-not-impressive-i-dont-know.html
Blogspot
If this is not impressive, I don't know what is
A blog about teaching, learning, and inspiration.
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A glimpse of my "IELTS Writing" classes 📈📈📈
All my IELTS writing groups have finished the line graph month, so here is a final potpourri of common line graph mistakes:
1️⃣ "Starting at 8.500, this figure showed ... "
In English, thousands are set off with commas, not periods. So, it should be "8,500." Curiously, this is exactly how the figures are written on the graph - yet people keep making this mistake.
2️⃣ "... this figure showed more than a twofold decline in 2012."
In English, "-fold" words are only used to describe increases. So numbers can increase tenfold, but not decrease.
3️⃣ "Petrol and oil remained the most popular fuel ..."
I often tell my students - words don't suddenly stop having their usual meanings when they are in W1. "Popular" means "liked or enjoyed by a lot of people" - do people really like and enjoy petrol? You will probably be able to use this word rarely - only about book genres or something like this, I guess. The fix is "Petrol and oil remained the most commonly used / the most consumed type of fuel... "
4️⃣ "... the figures showed a rise to 43 quadrillion in 2010 and they are predicted to continue rising to almost 50 by 2030."
"Continue rising to 50" means the figure started rising to 50 and then continued rising to 50. But when the figure starts rising, it has no intention of rising to 50. So, "... they are predicted to continue rising and to reach 50 by 2030." (Not the only possible fix.)
5️⃣ "This line showed the most significant growth."
These tasks are not about lines - they are about numbers, percentages etc. "Line" is just a visual representation. Numbers and percentages show growth, not lines.
We've just started Writing Task 2 "agree/disagree." Not too late to join the long courses:
https://vk.com/iralutse?w=product-47977221_3696544%2Fquery
All my IELTS writing groups have finished the line graph month, so here is a final potpourri of common line graph mistakes:
1️⃣ "Starting at 8.500, this figure showed ... "
In English, thousands are set off with commas, not periods. So, it should be "8,500." Curiously, this is exactly how the figures are written on the graph - yet people keep making this mistake.
2️⃣ "... this figure showed more than a twofold decline in 2012."
In English, "-fold" words are only used to describe increases. So numbers can increase tenfold, but not decrease.
3️⃣ "Petrol and oil remained the most popular fuel ..."
I often tell my students - words don't suddenly stop having their usual meanings when they are in W1. "Popular" means "liked or enjoyed by a lot of people" - do people really like and enjoy petrol? You will probably be able to use this word rarely - only about book genres or something like this, I guess. The fix is "Petrol and oil remained the most commonly used / the most consumed type of fuel... "
4️⃣ "... the figures showed a rise to 43 quadrillion in 2010 and they are predicted to continue rising to almost 50 by 2030."
"Continue rising to 50" means the figure started rising to 50 and then continued rising to 50. But when the figure starts rising, it has no intention of rising to 50. So, "... they are predicted to continue rising and to reach 50 by 2030." (Not the only possible fix.)
5️⃣ "This line showed the most significant growth."
These tasks are not about lines - they are about numbers, percentages etc. "Line" is just a visual representation. Numbers and percentages show growth, not lines.
We've just started Writing Task 2 "agree/disagree." Not too late to join the long courses:
https://vk.com/iralutse?w=product-47977221_3696544%2Fquery
ВКонтакте
Irina Lutsenko | IELTS 9, writing, cohesion
Speaking, writing, and exam skills for learners of English as a foreign language Taught passionately and professionally By an inspiring, focused, and dynamic teacher with a few bragging rights: - degree in teaching English and 20 years of experience; …
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A glimpse of my "C2 Proficiency Writing" class - a case of improved cohesion 🌼🌼🌼
Take a look at this paragraph and see where the flow gets a little broken.
"However, without any doubt, there are a lot of cinematographic masterpieces - ones that reflect our society, transform opinions and inspire viewers all at the same time. With modern technologies, ideas can reach people from all over the world and start a dialogue between different nations, genders, or generations; they can raise our awareness of social, ecological, and moral issues. "Blackfish" (a piece on the life of an orca caged and mistreated in one of American oceanariums), for instance, shocked the audience and led to the cancellation of these inhumane shows."
"Blackfish" comes out of the blue. Technically, we do have cohesion here - "for instance." But it is too far in the sentence and it's not actually obvious what exactly "Blackfish" is an example of.
My fix:
"... ; they do more than raise our awareness of social, ecological, and moral issues - they can cause real change. Take, “Blackfish, for example - a documentary about the life of an orca caged and mistreated in one of American oceanariums. It shocked the audience so much that the inhuman shows with this animal have been cancelled."
The film has been introduced more smoothly and it's clear that the film is an example of real change. So the overall cohesion and progression are better. 🐬🐬🐬
Take a look at this paragraph and see where the flow gets a little broken.
"However, without any doubt, there are a lot of cinematographic masterpieces - ones that reflect our society, transform opinions and inspire viewers all at the same time. With modern technologies, ideas can reach people from all over the world and start a dialogue between different nations, genders, or generations; they can raise our awareness of social, ecological, and moral issues. "Blackfish" (a piece on the life of an orca caged and mistreated in one of American oceanariums), for instance, shocked the audience and led to the cancellation of these inhumane shows."
"Blackfish" comes out of the blue. Technically, we do have cohesion here - "for instance." But it is too far in the sentence and it's not actually obvious what exactly "Blackfish" is an example of.
My fix:
"... ; they do more than raise our awareness of social, ecological, and moral issues - they can cause real change. Take, “Blackfish, for example - a documentary about the life of an orca caged and mistreated in one of American oceanariums. It shocked the audience so much that the inhuman shows with this animal have been cancelled."
The film has been introduced more smoothly and it's clear that the film is an example of real change. So the overall cohesion and progression are better. 🐬🐬🐬
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The most important factors for achieving happiness? Read Anna Skopina's awesome IELTS essay to find out. 📝
Curiously, the essay was not written in my IELTS course - it was written in my "Writing with New Scientist" course. Anyways, it's awesome and it contains a beautiful range of cohesive devices (some of which I highlighted to make sure you notice).
https://iraluts.blogspot.com/2022/10/ielts-writing-task-2-most-important.html
Curiously, the essay was not written in my IELTS course - it was written in my "Writing with New Scientist" course. Anyways, it's awesome and it contains a beautiful range of cohesive devices (some of which I highlighted to make sure you notice).
https://iraluts.blogspot.com/2022/10/ielts-writing-task-2-most-important.html
Blogspot
IELTS Writing Task 2: the most important factors for achieving happiness
A blog about teaching, learning, and inspiration.
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Sentence clinic 📝📝📝
A bunch of awkward sentences from my "Writing with New Scientist" students + and my fixes.
1️⃣
✖️"Discarding things either with their useful life having ended or having become out of fashion seems an ordinary action for many consumers for a number of reasons."
✅ "Discarding things either when their useful life has ended or when they have gone out of fashion seems an ordinary action for many consumers for a number of reasons."
2️⃣
✖️"One reason is the abundance of commodities which is a feature that developed countries boast, while developing countries are eager to reach that point when their residents can easily afford everything they need."
✅ "One reason is the abundance of commodities which is a feature that developed countries boast and developing countries strive to attain." / "One reason is the abundance of commodities. While developed countries have already achieved it, developing countries are striving to, aiming for the point when their residents can easily afford everything they need."
3️⃣
✖️ "Breaking the current system requires the recycling technology to be improved and, hence, implemented, while some unsustainable materials to be sacrificed due to their complicated recycling process."
✅ "Breaking the current system requires the recycling technology to be function effectively and the unsustainable materials to be sacrificed due to their complicated recycling process."
4️⃣
✖️ "The problem is that we are taking from nature more than we need, while the solution is that by taking only necessary things humans will be able to be happy without killing the world around us."
✅ "The problem is that we are taking from nature more than we need, while the solution to take only the necessary things. By doing so, humans will be able to be happy without killing the world around them. "
Fixing awkward sentences is one of my favorite activities. My fixes are not the only possible fixes, of course. Can you think of some more?
A bunch of awkward sentences from my "Writing with New Scientist" students + and my fixes.
1️⃣
✖️"Discarding things either with their useful life having ended or having become out of fashion seems an ordinary action for many consumers for a number of reasons."
✅ "Discarding things either when their useful life has ended or when they have gone out of fashion seems an ordinary action for many consumers for a number of reasons."
2️⃣
✖️"One reason is the abundance of commodities which is a feature that developed countries boast, while developing countries are eager to reach that point when their residents can easily afford everything they need."
✅ "One reason is the abundance of commodities which is a feature that developed countries boast and developing countries strive to attain." / "One reason is the abundance of commodities. While developed countries have already achieved it, developing countries are striving to, aiming for the point when their residents can easily afford everything they need."
3️⃣
✖️ "Breaking the current system requires the recycling technology to be improved and, hence, implemented, while some unsustainable materials to be sacrificed due to their complicated recycling process."
✅ "Breaking the current system requires the recycling technology to be function effectively and the unsustainable materials to be sacrificed due to their complicated recycling process."
4️⃣
✖️ "The problem is that we are taking from nature more than we need, while the solution is that by taking only necessary things humans will be able to be happy without killing the world around us."
✅ "The problem is that we are taking from nature more than we need, while the solution to take only the necessary things. By doing so, humans will be able to be happy without killing the world around them. "
Fixing awkward sentences is one of my favorite activities. My fixes are not the only possible fixes, of course. Can you think of some more?
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Channel name was changed to «Irina Lutsenko: IELTS, writing, cohesion»
A glimpse of my "IELTS Writing" class 📝📝📝
Kurt Vonnegut said, "Here is a lesson in creative writing. First rule: Do not use semicolons. They are transvestite hermaphrodites representing absolutely nothing. All they do is show you've been to college."
I agree. Not only in creative writing - in IELTS writing too.
We were discussing this essay topic today: "Some people believe that rich countries should provide poorer countries with help that is not financial aid. To what extent do you agree or disagree?" I have written two essays ("agree" and "disagree") on this topic myself. So what I did was 1) I split my complex sentences from one of my essays into tiny and simple ones; 2) I asked the students to join them into complex ones.
📝 Here is one example: "Even if the country providing the help decided to supervise the allocation and use of funds, it would be next to impossible. It would take a considerable amount of resources on their part. It would be prevented by the corrupt authorities."
📝 Here is one solution by a student: "Even if the country providing the help decided to supervise the allocation and use of funds, it would be next to impossible, since it would take a considerable amount of resources on their part; in addition, it would be prevented by the corrupt authorities." It's times like this that I remember Kurt's quote.
📝 Here is my original sentence: "Even if the country providing the help decided to supervise the allocation and use of funds, it would be next to impossible as it would either take a considerable amount of resources on their part or be prevented by the corrupt authorities."
Isn't it more elegant? The sentence looks smoother and more cohesive.
Both of my essays on this topic are available on VK Donut: https://vk.com/donut/iralutse (as well as many other IELTS writing materials). 🍩
Kurt Vonnegut said, "Here is a lesson in creative writing. First rule: Do not use semicolons. They are transvestite hermaphrodites representing absolutely nothing. All they do is show you've been to college."
I agree. Not only in creative writing - in IELTS writing too.
We were discussing this essay topic today: "Some people believe that rich countries should provide poorer countries with help that is not financial aid. To what extent do you agree or disagree?" I have written two essays ("agree" and "disagree") on this topic myself. So what I did was 1) I split my complex sentences from one of my essays into tiny and simple ones; 2) I asked the students to join them into complex ones.
📝 Here is one example: "Even if the country providing the help decided to supervise the allocation and use of funds, it would be next to impossible. It would take a considerable amount of resources on their part. It would be prevented by the corrupt authorities."
📝 Here is one solution by a student: "Even if the country providing the help decided to supervise the allocation and use of funds, it would be next to impossible, since it would take a considerable amount of resources on their part; in addition, it would be prevented by the corrupt authorities." It's times like this that I remember Kurt's quote.
📝 Here is my original sentence: "Even if the country providing the help decided to supervise the allocation and use of funds, it would be next to impossible as it would either take a considerable amount of resources on their part or be prevented by the corrupt authorities."
Isn't it more elegant? The sentence looks smoother and more cohesive.
Both of my essays on this topic are available on VK Donut: https://vk.com/donut/iralutse (as well as many other IELTS writing materials). 🍩
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Irina Lutsenko | IELTS 9, writing, cohesion
Speaking, writing, and exam skills for learners of English as a foreign language Taught passionately and professionally By an inspiring, focused, and dynamic teacher with a few bragging rights: - degree in teaching English and 20 years of experience; …
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A glimpse of my "Writing with New Scientist" class - a case of a sentence that was hard to read 🌼🌼🌼
A sentence can be hard to read for different reasons. The most common reason is highly complex grammar which makes it hard to track the subjects, the verbs, the connections, etc.
But the sentence below is hard to read for e different reason. Think what it might be as you read.
📝 Original:
"While the manufacturers extract, produce and dispose of resources, draining the planet's subsurface, customers feeding off a sense of novelty, purchase and dispose of tons of goods, creating landfills on land and in water."
The reason is it's jammed full of verbs. "What's wrong with verbs," you might say. I love verbs. They are my favorite part of speech. Verbs are very meaningful. So when we have too many of them, we have too much meaning to process.
📝 Possible fixes:
1️⃣ "Both manufacturers and customers are to blame. Manufacturers drain the planet's subsurface as they extract resources for production. Customers, in turn, contribute to pollution by purchasing and discarding tons of goods."
2️⃣ "Manufacturers drain the planet's subsurface as they extract resources for production, while customers, driven but the desire for novelty, purchase and discard tons of goods, thus contributing to pollution."
Can you think of other fixes?
A sentence can be hard to read for different reasons. The most common reason is highly complex grammar which makes it hard to track the subjects, the verbs, the connections, etc.
But the sentence below is hard to read for e different reason. Think what it might be as you read.
📝 Original:
"While the manufacturers extract, produce and dispose of resources, draining the planet's subsurface, customers feeding off a sense of novelty, purchase and dispose of tons of goods, creating landfills on land and in water."
The reason is it's jammed full of verbs. "What's wrong with verbs," you might say. I love verbs. They are my favorite part of speech. Verbs are very meaningful. So when we have too many of them, we have too much meaning to process.
📝 Possible fixes:
1️⃣ "Both manufacturers and customers are to blame. Manufacturers drain the planet's subsurface as they extract resources for production. Customers, in turn, contribute to pollution by purchasing and discarding tons of goods."
2️⃣ "Manufacturers drain the planet's subsurface as they extract resources for production, while customers, driven but the desire for novelty, purchase and discard tons of goods, thus contributing to pollution."
Can you think of other fixes?
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A glimpse of my "Writing with New Scientist" class - a case of improved cohesion 🌼🌼🌼
📝 Original:
"The more businesses sell, the more profits they obtain. Business owners pour money in smart advertising campaigns full of enticing images and slogans, promising no less than happiness, in their attempts to make people succumb to temptation and buy."
There seems to be little cohesion between the sentences: one sentence ends with profits and the next one begins with advertising. Of course, the ideas are connected - businesses sell and obtain profits with the help of advertising. But why don't we add specific words to connect the ideas?
📝 Suggested fixes:
1️⃣ "The more businesses sell, the more profits they obtain. It's for this purpose that business owners pour money in smart advertising campaigns full of enticing images and slogans, promising no less than happiness."
2️⃣ "The more businesses sell, the more profits they obtain. In their attempts do that and make people buy as much as possible, business owners pour money in smart advertising campaigns full of enticing images and slogans, promising no less than happiness."
Can you think of other fixes? 🧐
📝 Original:
"The more businesses sell, the more profits they obtain. Business owners pour money in smart advertising campaigns full of enticing images and slogans, promising no less than happiness, in their attempts to make people succumb to temptation and buy."
There seems to be little cohesion between the sentences: one sentence ends with profits and the next one begins with advertising. Of course, the ideas are connected - businesses sell and obtain profits with the help of advertising. But why don't we add specific words to connect the ideas?
📝 Suggested fixes:
1️⃣ "The more businesses sell, the more profits they obtain. It's for this purpose that business owners pour money in smart advertising campaigns full of enticing images and slogans, promising no less than happiness."
2️⃣ "The more businesses sell, the more profits they obtain. In their attempts do that and make people buy as much as possible, business owners pour money in smart advertising campaigns full of enticing images and slogans, promising no less than happiness."
Can you think of other fixes? 🧐
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A common IELTS Writing Task 2 mistake 📝📝📝
Scrutinize the following sentences from our students' essays and think about what the mistake might be.
1. "For example, it could be difficult to make a correct and clear machine translation for idioms and proverbs, because software could translate word by word, which could be wrong."
2. "It is likely people believe that universities can give fundamental knowledge."
3. "Additionally, it might be thought that studying at university or college might benefit in the future."
The mistake is over-hedging, i.e. using hedging excessively or even unnecessarily. Hedging is used in academic writing to sound cautious or uncertain and is necessary to leave space for alternative opinions. For example, you might say, "it might not be necessary to learn languages any more as translation software is very advanced now" or "a formal degree might not longer be a prerequisite for getting a good job" because you know that some people will disagree and it's not always the case anyway.
But some things don't require hedging even in academic writing - some things are just facts or common knowledge. But even if you want to leave space for uncertainty, one word for that is enough.
Here are my re-writes of the sentences above:
1. Machine translation of idioms and proverbs is often erroneous because machines translate them word-for-word.
2. Many people believe that universities give fundamental knowledge.
3. Additionally, some people might think studying at university or college is beneficial for their future.
Do hedge, but don't over-hedge. 💪
Scrutinize the following sentences from our students' essays and think about what the mistake might be.
1. "For example, it could be difficult to make a correct and clear machine translation for idioms and proverbs, because software could translate word by word, which could be wrong."
2. "It is likely people believe that universities can give fundamental knowledge."
3. "Additionally, it might be thought that studying at university or college might benefit in the future."
The mistake is over-hedging, i.e. using hedging excessively or even unnecessarily. Hedging is used in academic writing to sound cautious or uncertain and is necessary to leave space for alternative opinions. For example, you might say, "it might not be necessary to learn languages any more as translation software is very advanced now" or "a formal degree might not longer be a prerequisite for getting a good job" because you know that some people will disagree and it's not always the case anyway.
But some things don't require hedging even in academic writing - some things are just facts or common knowledge. But even if you want to leave space for uncertainty, one word for that is enough.
Here are my re-writes of the sentences above:
1. Machine translation of idioms and proverbs is often erroneous because machines translate them word-for-word.
2. Many people believe that universities give fundamental knowledge.
3. Additionally, some people might think studying at university or college is beneficial for their future.
Do hedge, but don't over-hedge. 💪
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❓Is it worth having each of your #IELTS writing answers assessed in the exam format to track your progress? ❓
I don't think so. Why not?
The way IELTS assessment works is you can't progress to the next score after one work or a small number of works.
If your current level is 6 and your target is 7, you might think the journey will be short because 6 and 7 are right next to each other. But they are, in fact, months of hard work apart. How come?
Let's take grammar (aka "Grammatical Range and Accuracy"). Band 6 means you use a mix of simple and complex structures. Band 7 means you use a variety of complex structures. If you could use a variety of structures, you would be doing it already. If you aren't doing it, it means you can't and you need to master it. This will take time simply because "variety" means "many different structures" and "many different" anything cannot be possibly mastered quickly. So chances are if you got 6 for grammar today, you will also get 6 tomorrow.
The same is true for lexis (aka "Lexical Resource"). In LR, you need to use a range of vocabulary and less common lexical items. Again, if you could do it, you would be doing it already. If you aren't, you need to learn that range. OK, which lexis exactly do you need to learn? Well, lexis is a bottomless abyss. Plus, each topic requires new lexis. Say, you learn "have an innate ability" and "are predisposed to" and you use them masterfully in your essay about learning languages. But then the next essay is about the environment. So suddenly your previous lexis is useless, and you need new lexis, which you don't have at your disposal. Again, you got 6 today and you will get 6 tomorrow.
As a result, each assessment will likely be more or less the same for some time.
But! There is one crucial "but" - if you keep getting the same score every class, it doesn't mean you aren't progressing! Maybe you've learned a new grammar structure or a new lexical item - those don't give you 7 immediately, but they are a step towards 7. The journey to 7 will consist of many small steps rather than one giant lifehack. (And the higher score you need, the longer the journey.)
So, no, I don't think frequent assessments are a good idea. The way IELTS scores work is there is no one thing that will immediately take you to the next band. Each criterion will take a combination of things which cannot be mastered all at once. At the same time, progress might still be happening even if you get 6666 for four essays in a row. It's just that the progress will be too small for the IELTS system to discern it.
Detailed assessments are definitely a good idea. But how frequent should they be?❓
I don't think so. Why not?
The way IELTS assessment works is you can't progress to the next score after one work or a small number of works.
If your current level is 6 and your target is 7, you might think the journey will be short because 6 and 7 are right next to each other. But they are, in fact, months of hard work apart. How come?
Let's take grammar (aka "Grammatical Range and Accuracy"). Band 6 means you use a mix of simple and complex structures. Band 7 means you use a variety of complex structures. If you could use a variety of structures, you would be doing it already. If you aren't doing it, it means you can't and you need to master it. This will take time simply because "variety" means "many different structures" and "many different" anything cannot be possibly mastered quickly. So chances are if you got 6 for grammar today, you will also get 6 tomorrow.
The same is true for lexis (aka "Lexical Resource"). In LR, you need to use a range of vocabulary and less common lexical items. Again, if you could do it, you would be doing it already. If you aren't, you need to learn that range. OK, which lexis exactly do you need to learn? Well, lexis is a bottomless abyss. Plus, each topic requires new lexis. Say, you learn "have an innate ability" and "are predisposed to" and you use them masterfully in your essay about learning languages. But then the next essay is about the environment. So suddenly your previous lexis is useless, and you need new lexis, which you don't have at your disposal. Again, you got 6 today and you will get 6 tomorrow.
As a result, each assessment will likely be more or less the same for some time.
But! There is one crucial "but" - if you keep getting the same score every class, it doesn't mean you aren't progressing! Maybe you've learned a new grammar structure or a new lexical item - those don't give you 7 immediately, but they are a step towards 7. The journey to 7 will consist of many small steps rather than one giant lifehack. (And the higher score you need, the longer the journey.)
So, no, I don't think frequent assessments are a good idea. The way IELTS scores work is there is no one thing that will immediately take you to the next band. Each criterion will take a combination of things which cannot be mastered all at once. At the same time, progress might still be happening even if you get 6666 for four essays in a row. It's just that the progress will be too small for the IELTS system to discern it.
Detailed assessments are definitely a good idea. But how frequent should they be?❓
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Do modern companies even communicate by email in their everyday practice? They do - very much so. ✉️
What's a good email like? Here are some tips we put into practice in our latest "Writing Incubator" workshop by Anastasia Glebova:
1. Get the Ask Clear: what is it you want?
2. Write for Your Reader: what's in it for the reader?
3. Start Strong and Specific: say what you want right off the bat.
4. Be Concise:
- Watch for passive voice (X is done by Y → Y does X)
- Watch for prepositional phrases (in many circumstances → often)
- Watch for nominalizations (reach an agreement→ agree)
- Consider rewriting sentences that begin with there is, there are, it is.
5. Delete Extraneous Content: does the reader really need to know all those tiny little details?
6. Write in Plain English: watch for buzzwords that have little meaning.
7. If Something Feels Wrong, Fix It: check for confidentiality, tone, punctuation etc.
As a person who has a lot of written communication, I can say one thing for sure: a well-written email/message has the potential to give you what you need, while a badly-written one can leave you with a "No" or no answer at all. 💌
Suggested reading:
1. Brown L. "The Only Business Writing Book You'll Ever Need" (the source of the wonderful tips above)
2. Payal M. "Better Communication for Managers"
3. Newport C. "A World Without Email: Reimagining Work in the Age of Overload"
4. How to Write Professional Emails That Get the Results You Want https://www.themuse.com/advice/how-to-write-professional-email-examples
5. An Editor's Guide to Writing Ridiculously Good Emails https://www.themuse.com/advice/an-editors-guide-to-writing-ridiculously-good-emails
Next workshop: 20 November. 📅
https://vk.com/market-47977221?w=product-47977221_4475973%2Fquery
What's a good email like? Here are some tips we put into practice in our latest "Writing Incubator" workshop by Anastasia Glebova:
1. Get the Ask Clear: what is it you want?
2. Write for Your Reader: what's in it for the reader?
3. Start Strong and Specific: say what you want right off the bat.
4. Be Concise:
- Watch for passive voice (X is done by Y → Y does X)
- Watch for prepositional phrases (in many circumstances → often)
- Watch for nominalizations (reach an agreement→ agree)
- Consider rewriting sentences that begin with there is, there are, it is.
5. Delete Extraneous Content: does the reader really need to know all those tiny little details?
6. Write in Plain English: watch for buzzwords that have little meaning.
7. If Something Feels Wrong, Fix It: check for confidentiality, tone, punctuation etc.
As a person who has a lot of written communication, I can say one thing for sure: a well-written email/message has the potential to give you what you need, while a badly-written one can leave you with a "No" or no answer at all. 💌
Suggested reading:
1. Brown L. "The Only Business Writing Book You'll Ever Need" (the source of the wonderful tips above)
2. Payal M. "Better Communication for Managers"
3. Newport C. "A World Without Email: Reimagining Work in the Age of Overload"
4. How to Write Professional Emails That Get the Results You Want https://www.themuse.com/advice/how-to-write-professional-email-examples
5. An Editor's Guide to Writing Ridiculously Good Emails https://www.themuse.com/advice/an-editors-guide-to-writing-ridiculously-good-emails
Next workshop: 20 November. 📅
https://vk.com/market-47977221?w=product-47977221_4475973%2Fquery
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IELTS One Skill Retake - a great idea? ❓
The idea might soon materialize. But what would be the advantages and disadvantages? Listen to the podcast to find out more.
I will also jump at the chance to recommend the "My IELTS Classroom" podcast by the awesome Shelly and Nick. In their latest episode, they are discussing the possible introduction of the one skill retake option.
https://blog.myieltsclassroom.com/what-is-the-new-ielts-one-skill-retake/
The idea might soon materialize. But what would be the advantages and disadvantages? Listen to the podcast to find out more.
I will also jump at the chance to recommend the "My IELTS Classroom" podcast by the awesome Shelly and Nick. In their latest episode, they are discussing the possible introduction of the one skill retake option.
https://blog.myieltsclassroom.com/what-is-the-new-ielts-one-skill-retake/
My IELTS Classroom Blog
What is the new IELTS One Skill Retake? - My IELTS Classroom Blog
IELTS IDP have announced that they are planning to introduce a new test called IELTS One Skill Retake. This will give students the opportunity to retake only one of the four skills if they did not achieve the score they needed first time around. What does…
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A glimpse of my "C2 Proficiency Writing" class 🌼🌼🌼
While most people think CPE writing is about fancy words like "insouciance" or "magnanimous," I think it's about a play on words and extended metaphors.
Today I asked my students to come up with a noscript that will include a play on words. I provided the foundation for the play - the quote: "That's one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind." The article is about the effects of global communications on our cultural identity.
Look at what they came up with on the spot:
1️⃣ One giant leap for mankind - one step back for cultural diversity
2️⃣ One giant leap for mankind, one small step back for identity
3️⃣ One small change for a person, one giant blend for humanity
And here is a version students from an old group came up with:
4️⃣ A giant leap forward for technology, one step back for culture
Isn't this beautiful? Isn't this what real proficiency in writing is? And rest assured, such things are much harder than inserting "magnanimous" into your text - and therefore more valuable! 💜
While most people think CPE writing is about fancy words like "insouciance" or "magnanimous," I think it's about a play on words and extended metaphors.
Today I asked my students to come up with a noscript that will include a play on words. I provided the foundation for the play - the quote: "That's one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind." The article is about the effects of global communications on our cultural identity.
Look at what they came up with on the spot:
1️⃣ One giant leap for mankind - one step back for cultural diversity
2️⃣ One giant leap for mankind, one small step back for identity
3️⃣ One small change for a person, one giant blend for humanity
And here is a version students from an old group came up with:
4️⃣ A giant leap forward for technology, one step back for culture
Isn't this beautiful? Isn't this what real proficiency in writing is? And rest assured, such things are much harder than inserting "magnanimous" into your text - and therefore more valuable! 💜
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