📝 IELTS paragraph rewrite 📝

Topic: "The global demand for oil and gas is increasing. Some believe that we should therefore encourage the exploitation of remote areas. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?"

The paragraph below, written by a student, has very good key ideas, but the development is vague and repetitive (underlined). In my rewrite, I kept the key ideas, but made the development more specific.

📝 Original:

"Admittedly, exploiting pristine areas of the world for obtaining oil and gas does have two main benefits. One benefit is that it potentially saturates the oil and gas supply market, as a result of many new origins of these resources. This results in lower prices for these fossil fuels, thereby benefiting governments and their population as it improves their purchasing power. The second advantage would be that governments could enhance their supply of oil and gas for future generations. In fact, these resources are limited, meaning that our children and grandchildren might not have the privilege of using them. Only when new sources of supply are discovered, then can we be sure of meeting the oil and gas needs of our future generations."

📝 My rewrite:

"Admittedly, exploiting pristine areas of the world for obtaining oil and gas does have two main benefits. One benefit is that it potentially saturates the oil and gas supply market, thus resulting in lower prices for these fuels and preventing global shortages. This, in turn, would ensure continuing economic growth as most countries, industrial and transportation sectors in particular, are still predominantly dependent on these fuels. The second advantage would be that governments could ensure the supply of oil and gas for future generations. Since the supplies in existing locations are finite, they are bound to run out soon. While alternative fuel sources exist, they currently meet only a fraction of people's needs: renewable sources of energy, such as wind or solar power, are unreliable and nuclear power is not used widely due to safety concerns. Thus, the exploitation of new locations would leave future generations with enough fuel to prosper, while allowing them time to further develop alternative fuel sources to meet the demand."

This is not the easiest topic, I would say. Let's scratch our heads together about the disadvantages. The first one would obviously be the disruption of the environment. But what could be other disadvantages?❓

My writing tips. 📝💜

Beyond thrilled to have my essay featured on the British Council Uzbekistan channel. 💜

#Irina_writes_IELTS

Topic:Some people believe that the typical classroom situation with a teacher will disappear by 2050. Do you agree or disagree?

The world is changing, and so too is education. So much so that some people argue that the classical classroom setting with a teacher and a student present will no longer exist in the future. I, however, completely disagree with this opinion for two reasons.

One is that students will increasingly opt for synchronous classes with an educator teaching in real time. They will do so because they will seek live interaction with both the teacher and the other students in order to be able to ask questions immediately or exchange ideas as such interaction not only facilitates learning but also reinforces motivation. This has become evident in recent years after the proliferation of self-paced online courses, which people first welcomed as a more convenient way to study but then struggled to complete, with the average completion rate being only 5-15%. Thus, despite other formats being available, students will likely prefer more traditional ones, a choice that will generate demand and, consequently, supply on the part of the educational institutions.

Even more important is the second reason – the equality this type of education setting provides. Were all materials to be available in the digital form or online only, those who do not have access to technology or to a quiet learning space would have no access to education at all. Coming from deprived backgrounds already, such people would therefore be put at a further disadvantage. The traditional school-based system, while not impeccable or all-encompassing, still gives every student a chance to learn, thereby allowing them an opportunity to improve their social status. Given how crucial this system is as a social mobility mechanism, governments will preserve it in order to ensure equal access to education.

In conclusion, the classical, well-established form of education – one with teacher-led, classroom-based instruction – offers significant benefits in terms of knowledge acquisition and equality of opportunity. It is for this reason that this form of education will, in my opinion, exist well into the future, regardless of how the world might change.

336 words

Irina Lutsenko

Finally, speaking. 🪻💜

How to enjoy IELTS essays

A question from a subscriber: “And I have a question for @iraluts, a guru of IELTS writing. What are your recommendations on how to enjoy writing exam essays when it is not creative writing at all?”

I have three recommendations.

1️⃣ Rewire your attitude. To do so, check where the attitude comes from. Sometimes I see that the negative attitude to IELTS writing comes from other people and toxic comments about how stupid the topics are rather than from some real fundamental distaste for writing essays. Stay away from negativity and join communities in which people actually like IELTS. Negativity is an obstacle.

2️⃣ Find connections between the topic and your life. Try the topic on for size – imagine that the IELTS topic is a personal question to you. I’ll give you a couple of examples.

📝 Topic: "There’s no need to go out to see a live performance (a show, a concert) because it’s better to watch it on screens. Do you agree or disagree?"

This is fairly straightforward. I personally like live performances even though I can watch the same artists on YouTube. Why? Think about your last performance. Why did you go? Did you enjoy it?

📝 Topic: "Some people think governments should act to change the way people live so that they live a healthy life. Others, however, feel people should be free to live as they want. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion."

This topic is a bit more philosophical. Let’s explore it. What are some things governments can and cannot do to your lifestyle? Let’s say they recommend eating five portions of fruit a day. Are you fine with that? How about eating less meat? What if they introduce obligatory “нормы гто” exams? What if they outlaw smoking entirely? Would you personally welcome these measures? Would you be happy to comply? Why or why not? Would you rather rely on your own decisions? Why?

3️⃣ Imagine that someone is asking you the question in the topic because they need answers to make important decisions.

Let’s go back to the topics above. For the first topic, imagine that someone wants to buy or sell a concert venue or an event-planning business. So they need your advice because they don’t want to end up bankrupt.

‼️ One important caveat for recommendations 2 and 3: Don’t write any of these things directly. Only use these recommendations to spark interest and find arguments for your essay.

Any other recommendations? Share in the comments.

IELTS Writing Task 2: repetition or development?

Not everything you write in an essay, however beautiful it is, contributes to the development of the idea, aka Task Response.

Here are two bits of an essay written by me. Both are perfectly cohesive and rich in language, but one contains the development of the idea and one contains nothing but the repetition of the same idea (in different words).

Which one contains which? How can you tell the difference?❓

Topic: "The numbers of plants and animals is decreasing in most countries. Why is this happening? What can be done about it?" 🐼

1️⃣
The first reason is that as the population of the planet grows, people increasingly encroach on natural environments for purposes ranging from construction and expansion of cities to clearing the land for farming and agriculture. These activities either obliterate flora and fauna entirely or cause them to move to new habitats, where they might not necessarily survive.

2️⃣
The first reason is that as the population of the planet grows, people increasingly encroach on territories where wildlife lives. By doing so, they invade plant and animal habitats, which displaces biodiversity. This intrusion obliterates flora and fauna, destroying them for the sake of human activities requiring use of natural environments.

I teach almost exclusively using my own IELTS answers. And I create all manner of exercises based on my writing to show what is effective and what isn't.

🐼 Two of my IELTS essays on this channel: #Irina_writes_IELTS

🐼 Many more on Boosty: https://boosty.to/irinalutsenko

🦩 Yet another way to avoid repetitions in an essay 🦩

Synonyms are one way to avoid repetitions (arguably, the worst one). Pronouns are another (sometimes not an option due to the danger of unclear referencing). What's left?

📝 Here is a piece of an IELTS essay written by a student:

"Being active Internet users, young people spend long hours online on a regular basis where they endlessly come across attractive images of celebrities. Representatives of the younger generation consume this information eagerly as it is visual and does not require much cognitive effort. As a direct consequence of this, the youth know every detail of international stars’ biographies, (...)"

It is noticeable that the student relies on synonyms to paraphrase “young people,” but the result is a bit awkward.

So, yet another way (arguably, the best one) to avoid a repetition is to change the sentence structure - in this specific case, we can change it so that we only need the same subject (= young people) once.

📝 My rewrite of the first two sentences:

“Being active internet users, young people come across information about celebrities on a regular basis, consuming it eagerly as it is visually appealing and does not require much cognitive effort.”

Other rewrites? Share in the comments.

📈 A great topic sentence in Writing Task 1 📈

Which of the sentences below is the best first sentence in the fist body paragraph (one about wholemeal bread)?

1️⃣ Starting at almost 2 euros, the cost of wholemeal bread plunged to approximately 0.6 euros one year later.

2️⃣ The price for wholemeal bread changed more than that for the other three types, starting at around €1.9 and plunging to €0.6 one year later.

3️⃣ The only type of bread to have seen a decline in cost is wholemeal bread.

The third one is the best one for three reasons:

1. It properly prepares the reader for what's coming in the paragraph.
2. It is a great foundation for the flow from general to specific.
3. It also prepares the reader for what will be coming later in other paragraphs with the help of the word "only" (because it means the other types saw increases).

What would be a great topic sentence for the next paragraph?

Writing messages is not as easy as it sounds.

Writing an ineffective message might simply result in no response. For example, here are the top five first messages that I don't even reply to:

1️⃣ ✌️ (just a gif or a sticker, no words)

2️⃣ "Hi" (and nothing else)

3️⃣ "Hi, interested in English classes."

4️⃣ If the message is in Russian: "Привет, у тебя есть сейчас время для занятий?"

5️⃣ "Hi irina,canт you tell me when the IELS course begins?And hwat course books do you use? If I miss a class,, will you Record it ?"

And here is a great first message:

"Hi Irina, I would like to join one of your IELTS groups. When does the course begin?" It's short, personal, well-formatted, and to the point.

To find out more about writing effective messages, join the workshop tomorrow by the wonderful Anastasia Glebova, who has extensive experience in teaching English for work. We will decode what it means to be “effective” in business communication, and Anastasia will share practical insights to help you navigate business writing with confidence and clarity.

📅 10 March, Sunday, 11:00 am MSK, Zoom

💌 The workshop is free. To join, comment on this post what's wrong with the five bad messages above and then message me to get the link to the workshop @iraluts.

Super-excited to have my essay featured on the British Council Uzbekistan channel! 🦋

#Irina_writes_IELTS

Task: Human activity has negative effects on plant and animal species. Some people think it is too late to do anything about this problem. Others believe effective measures can be taken to improve this situation. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

One of the most tragic results of the outstanding industrial and technological progress people have made is the detrimental impact this progress has had on the natural world. While some measures can be and are being taken to mitigate the impact, I believe that the scale of the damage done is such that it can no longer be reversed.

It cannot be denied, however, that measures to protect the world’s flora and fauna exist. One is the creation of natural reserves where all human activities, including but not limited to industrial production, construction, logging, hunting, and farming, are prohibited. This measure would allow plants and animals to remain unaffected and undisturbed, thus giving them a chance to reproduce safely. Another measure, one that would further strengthen the first one, is the creation and funding of breeding in captivity programs. Species whose numbers are critically low can be bred in captivity to be later released into natural habitats. Such programs, having been implemented in some parts of the world, have proven successful and could thus be expanded.

This notwithstanding, I believe the negative effects on plants and animals are irreversible by now as the measures outlined above, while admittedly effective to some extent, cannot work at the required level. The main reason for this is that people have been doing the harmful activities with total disregard to the impact on biodiversity for decades – since long before the impact became known. This is further exacerbated by the fact that these activities happen on a much wider scale than any conservation efforts. Every day, tons of household garbage as well as industrial waste are incinerated, landfilled, or dumped into water, contaminating and destroying natural habitats even in the most remote locations of the planet. No conservation efforts currently match the scale of the pollution and are unlikely to do so in the future, not least because people rely on the polluting activities for food, clothes, leisure, and many other, if not all, aspects of their lives. All of this shows that plants and animals are being driven to extinction at a rate higher than that at which they can reproduce in sufficient numbers, even with the help of special conservation programs.

To conclude, it is true that attempts to protect biodiversity are being made. Yet, in my opinion, they can only offset the damage to a very limited extent: they do and will fall short of what is needed to address the ever-increasing detrimental impact.

Irina Lutsenko

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