T H I S

I have thoughts about this. Or like thoughts about how I project through this in fandom I guess. I'll spoiler it just in case.

cw: sex, misogyny, internalised feelings, disconnect, mental health, BDSM, fat phobia, genderfluidity gone sideways (i guess)

This is gonna be very random and all over the place, I just feel I need to get it out there 🤷🏻‍♀️

When a human (non human is a whole other world that doesn't relate to my own body the same way this topic does) man character from whatever media whose body is big(er) (doesn't really matter the "how" of it, fat or muscle or whatever, all over or just some) enters my roaster, I automatically first hc them as bottoms.

- This vision usually evolves with time, I learn more about the characters (in canon and outside of it) and often end up not really having headcanons about their sexual existence because hello do you really think a pansexual genderfluid technically switch-ish goblin could ever make a defined choice? -

Bigger men are bottoms first in my head because I am a bigger person and I lean towards bottoming/subbing and and not a single day in my bigger body has passed where this side of me hasn't had to be literally earned.

As a bigger person I don't have the right to be the bottom/sub. I can either be one despite my weight and my size or I can be dominant/topping. End of discussion.

It feels wrong in a way that I cannot frame - if not into a big pile of unresolved and not fully deconstructed stuff - to want to be smaller just to have my identity accepted for what it is and not as a shock of various entity to others.

Bigger people (in my experience / in the bubble of representation I consumed until now) don't get
- soft things
- attention
- physical acknowledgment
- caregiving partners
for free

We can hope, we maybe find someone that can hear us and learn, but it's never freely given, already there from the start.

I project on fictional bigger men as bottoms because I think part of my gender identity just wants to freedom to be. Because the acceptance path of a bigger man is different to the one of an afab (I don't support the term entirely but I'm ok using it referred to myself) person. Because I see there a slice of freedom I never experienced.
It was never offered to me, was never on the plate. It's always something I need to present, ask for, fight tooth and nail.

Ok I am this 🤏🏻 close to tears and I lost a bit of inspiration for this. I hope it makes sense. This is the sort of thoughts that make me sometimes wanna open the chat section in here, but I'm still scared.

Take care babes 🖤

cast this in stone please and put it in all kinky spaces

People from the US, is this real? D:

Seeing Gerard's face in 4k healed me

Sending social media influencers on raids to capture people for deportation is just a level of sickness that I don’t think any society can come back from.

The whole political situation in the United States is so absurd that I really don't know what to say anymore