And part help from my friends and a partner I had, who helped me realize I'm a person who deserves love and happiness. I like to think they complimented me so many times that I started to believe them

Also being incredibly pissed at this world, this society and this life; and deciding that if the world already trying to make my life garbage, I refuse to do the same with myself

I want to live like, if I die tomorrow, I don't want to regret not enjoying my life because I was stuck in the past, it's what I mean

I try to take as much joy of everyday life as I can, and make sure I can brighten other peoples' days as well

But I know how is it like to hate yourself, I've been there too

It's not an endless cycle, there's always a way out of it

I'm not sure if this will work for you, but my "anchor" to motivate me to keep going was doubling down on my pride (which I had from being an arrogant piece of shit as a teenager) and turning it into a motivation to refuse to let anything ruin my day

Like an attitude of "No, I won't accept this, fuck you" whenever I felt like things were bad, whenever I felt hopeless. How dare life treat me this way?

I'm not going to just lower my head and let life treat me this way

It's not arrogance to put so much value on yourself if you're not hurting others for your own benefit. So this is what kept pushing me forward, until it became "the normal"

Not that my life is easy now, but I found a way to deal with it that works for me

Maybe you'll find something that works for you too

All of this just to say "I cope by being angry"

Unironically except I'm pan

Current state of mind: I spent half an hour trying to change my avatar and felt too detached from my sense of self to choose anything

So I'll be a disembodied voice in your mind for now

Courage has seen some fucking shit