My entire gender/sexuality journey has been so surreal lmao

I wanna talk about this lore now -- I was raised in the most stereotypical cishet society, complete with homophobia, transphobia, making fun of gays, making fun of boys who like girly stuff, etc. And until my adulthood I had nobody to explain to me why I felt so different and weird and confused.

Then I got internet connection and I realised I enjoyed roleplaying as a girl and playing girl characters in RPGs. Then I made some friends, and one of them was like "Have you considered 🏳️‍⚧️?" and I was like "That's a thing?"

So in my mind it was like "Nice, I'm a trans woman, I finally understood it". Then years later, a few bad experiences and not being able to transition, I was feeling miserable. Worst of all is that even when people did refer to me as a she/her I still felt... wrong. So I started thinking maybe that wasn't how I felt.

Then I spent several months extremely confused about my gender, so I started trying acting more boyish to see how I felt about it. It turns out I don't feel like I want to be a girl, I just hate being masculine. So I found out there was a secret third option.

While all of this was happening through the years, my orientation starts as "Girls are hot", then it became "Girls are hot but I don't feel like I deserve them", then it became "Girls and hot but I would like to be pinned down by a buff guy", then it became "Girls and guys are hot", and now it's "Humans are hot"

So my sexuality is fully 90% solved, I just need to figure a couple things out. My gender identity... I have been happy as a non-binary, but hmmmm.... I don't feel like I reached the end of the journey yet. I've been having strange feelings about it and I haven't thought about it yet.

The genderventure continues

Newest episode of Lyn's Gender Fuckery (TM)

I wish technology was like Trials in Tainted Space and I could take an injection that would make me progressively more androgynous

Finally found the original text
It's a short poem but to me it's such a beautiful love poem

So the plan is-- basically Nethack

Go outside to the camp to buy items, sell loot and get quest

Go in the dungeon to fight monsters, get loot, and go down

At the bottom you find the epic final boss and the legendary treasure

I don't want to alarm anyone but I'm very worried that we're about to be evicted from the house

It's not a money issue, don't worry