I've been told before that I talk a lot about gender stuff, and I'm like "Yeah it's a big part of my life"

So I'm gonna talk more

I was watching Negative Legend's video where they answer enby/trans questions and I felt a lot of kinship with many of their experiences

And it made me reflect on myself and how I changed in the past few years

I think overall, learning more about what being non-binary means, and how it applies to me, I feel like that was the biggest progress since I found out there was a secret third option

I realized I wouldn't have watched that video if it was months ago, because I would look at them and think "They look exactly like how I want to look like, but I don't, I'm a failure of a trans person and I don't want to watch this and keep being reminded of it"

But now I learned this is bullshit and my identity is still valid, even if I haven't started transitioning yet

I mean I still get gender envy looking at them, but not at the cost of my own self-worth

When I look in the mirror I still feel upset sometimes, but other times I also just say "Come on Lyn. You look cute. Look at that," and I can't get upset about myself

Even if I don't think I'll ever be conventionally beautiful

I don't know, just reflecting on how my self-image has been lately

I'll start working on transitioning once I'm in a safer environment, i.e. living in my own house or with a friend I trust

Considering also when I was talking earlier about feeling my gender invalidated for using my dick in a sexual situation, that's another thing I gotta work on as well

So I'm not fully done understanding myself yet, but I've done progress, and if things keep going this way, maybe I'll be already fully transitioned my mind when I get to start doing the same with my body

Anyway, thanks for coming to my TED Talks

Jungle deer

Today I learned we have squirrels and deer in Brazil