me: “i possibly can’t have autism, im alright with making eye contact and small talk”

also me: learned when to make eye contact — to assert dominance or to appear flirty or friendly; only is comfortable with making eye contact around close friends and family; doesn’t make eye contact when nervous or vulnerable

also me: feeling extremely awkward when making small talk especially when the person doesn’t leave any prompts to further the conversation. constantly thinks that they’re making other person uncomfortable

i really gotta give a shit ton of credit to service industry which i currently work in, because without it i wouldn’t learn how to appear more hospitable aka smiling more, talking louder, making eye contact, etc…

i still can’t fake it tho. when i see a shitty customer, i’m not going to treat them any better, but a year and a half ago people told me that i’m terrible at service. and now most of our regulars come to my shifts :)

also imagine learning that you were introverted because of mental illness because as soon as you recover you suddenly feel like you want to be around people more and they actually help with social battery instead or draining it

relationship goals is when you and your partner give each other green lights for every kpop bias y’all have a crush on, but y’all also know that y’all will be doing them together

unlearning, self compassion

"how are you feeling?

does it matter? i'll manage.

how you feel is very important. i'm sorry if the world has taught you otherwise"

oof that one hits

every time i’m struggling with a “negative” emotion or a hard time i always say: “it doesn’t matter, i’ll persevere anyway. it’s not like i’m going anywhere in the long run”.

which is comforting to an extent, but then i’m like: “but i feel the big sad” :(