Outdated Autopsy
The Mamas & The Papas – California Dreamin' (Single Version)
Me day dreaming to myself about being a gunslinger in the wild west listening to this song
With only few hours remaining of this year i gotta say
This has probably been the worst year in my life, i had so many traumas so much stress so many losses and so much emotional damage
I lost one of my closest family members i had a person who really was a big part of my life especially making me not feel my father's empty place not that much, and I'm still not able to fully cope with it i still can't comprehend she not being here anymore. The image of me trying to give cpr to her dead body is forever etched into my mind and memories. Since her death I've begone to have panic attacks from time to time. The whole family seems to be slowly falling apart since she's gone. Aside from that there has been alot more other losses and Ls that I've completely given up on it ever getting better. I got emotionally toyed with and damaged so much that i feel like I'm becoming numb. I can't stand to hear my name being called and it automatically makes me want to just leave everyone and just live in a white cube room with nothing in it. I've changed 4 therapists and 2 psychiatrists this year and nothing seems to work. I've harmed myself in various ways and tried to take my own life this year. I just don't know what to do anymore. I've began to slowly resent everyone and everything but mostly myself. Each day i wake i just want to end it all but there's one small thing in me that's always fighting idk if it's a sense of guilt of what pain i will cause to others or a sense of fear of what's to come.
In summary my life feels like it's on a downward spiral and there's no breaks so fuck this year
I want to say i hope for a better next year but i deeply doubt it will be so i just wish for a year where it doesn't get worse
This has probably been the worst year in my life, i had so many traumas so much stress so many losses and so much emotional damage
I lost one of my closest family members i had a person who really was a big part of my life especially making me not feel my father's empty place not that much, and I'm still not able to fully cope with it i still can't comprehend she not being here anymore. The image of me trying to give cpr to her dead body is forever etched into my mind and memories. Since her death I've begone to have panic attacks from time to time. The whole family seems to be slowly falling apart since she's gone. Aside from that there has been alot more other losses and Ls that I've completely given up on it ever getting better. I got emotionally toyed with and damaged so much that i feel like I'm becoming numb. I can't stand to hear my name being called and it automatically makes me want to just leave everyone and just live in a white cube room with nothing in it. I've changed 4 therapists and 2 psychiatrists this year and nothing seems to work. I've harmed myself in various ways and tried to take my own life this year. I just don't know what to do anymore. I've began to slowly resent everyone and everything but mostly myself. Each day i wake i just want to end it all but there's one small thing in me that's always fighting idk if it's a sense of guilt of what pain i will cause to others or a sense of fear of what's to come.
In summary my life feels like it's on a downward spiral and there's no breaks so fuck this year
I want to say i hope for a better next year but i deeply doubt it will be so i just wish for a year where it doesn't get worse
❤6