Avocados are fruits. Tomatoes are fruits. Therefore Guacamole is fruit salad.
Evolution is probably responsible for how bad our shits smell. Like the motherfuckers who kept eating their vanilla sundae shits just didn’t make it.
Since we sent robots to Mars before sending humans, isn’t it possible that the first extraterrestrials that we encounter on earth could not be the aliens themselves, but their technology instead.
You know when you’re an adult when your house makes strange noises and you’re more scared it’s a expensive repair bill rather than a monster.
It’s okay to take a 5 minute smoke break, but taking a break to go outside and breath some fresh air is a different story.
The phrase "think outside the box" is the most 'inside the box' thing to say for inspiration.
Getting angry with people for making mistakes doesn't teach them not to make mistakes, it just teaches them to hide them.
Neil Armstrong was the first person on the moon and “Neil A” backwards is alien.
Kids will never remember when you used to buy a game and actually got the WHOLE game.
How wonderful our schools would be if the lottery really did fund education. (US)
In 50 years, some kid will have a furry for a grandparent - poor kid
You never realize how much force you use to chew your food until you bite your lip
7-Eleven is probably really happy 9/11 didn't happen 2 days earlier
An awesome VR game would be “Where’s Wally?”, where you are moving in the middle of a crowd and you have to find the bastard.
Commuters probably get stuck in traffic with roughly the same group of people every day, just in a different order.
Wouldn’t it be cool if you could dream with other people, like multiplayer dreaming.
The fact that Labor Day isn’t on 9-5 is a big mistake that somebody made.
While dogs are known to smell fear, printers are known to smell deadlines
Thanos' most impressive power is being able to snap his fingers in a metal glove.
Forwarded from Yeshrun
Its funny how most of us can't sleep when there is a little noise, but sleep well during a heavy rain.