People hate the rich but also want to be rich.

The first human to eat an oyster must’ve been starving.

Considering the number of mission impossible movies out, the missions don’t seem so impossible anymore

It must be really humiliating if Taylor Swift or Adele dump you, but don't write a song about it.

Our generation, the generation that grew up playing online games, will be the only parents who won't throw a fit when our kids tell us they can't pause the online game.

Remember in Superman when he gets his super hearing and starts being able to hear all the talking and screaming and suffering around the world and goes a bit crazy? The Internet and social media have sorta done that to us…

The older you get the less D batteries you need for your things.

Pants are more practical for female anatomy while skirts and dresses are better suited for male anatomoy, yet we insist on the reverse.

The instrumental of Toxic by Britney Spears is unreasonably good for its genre of song

People flock to conspiracy theories because it gives their ordinary, largely meaningless, very boring lives a fake sense of purpose. Instead of just being a landscaper that worked for 50 years, had a kid or two, and paid off a mortgage - they get to pretend they're on the cutting edge of something

Eating a large chicken is 2x as ethical as eating one half its size. It’s double the meat for the same size soul

Considering why it’s celebrated, fire works on the 4th of July is inconsiderate to veterans.

Humanity has put so many safety measures in place that natural selection can no longer eliminate stupid people at an effective rate.

Smacking things to get them to work has become less and less common

Sometimes, bugs must get on aeroplanes and end up like 2,000 miles away. Really confused.

Urine in a full bladders weighs about 1.5 pounds, but you never hear anyone talk about weighing yourself before and after peeing like you do about pooping.

Virginity only matters to virgins and pedos

Some people will gladly eat ass but not the brown part of bananas.

Thinly sliced cheese tastes different than thickly sliced cheese.

People with six fingers per hand can’t give someone the middle finger.

Tipping culture is company panhandling