Infamous rapper and (alleged) (innocent?) money launderer Heather "Razzlekhan" Morgan is in a positive mood.

Shout-out to her and her legal team (we're trying to get her autograph)

The United States Department of Justice is pushing Google to sell Google Chrome to break their search monopoly (not official yet, but Google is probably big mad).

More information:
https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2024-11-18/doj-will-push-google-to-sell-off-chrome-to-break-search-monopoly

Satya Nadella is literally the VIP for Threat Actors and Red Teamers.

Thanks to new Microsoft Teams technologies, you can now clone your voice ... so you can speak to others in a different language!

Ever be North Korean but want to sound American? It's now possible!

https://techcrunch.com/2024/11/19/soon-microsoft-will-let-teams-meeting-attendees-clone-their-voices/

Yeah, we rip on Microsoft a lot. But for each feature they add, they're just expanding the Threat Landscape in corporate environments (and potentially homeusers).

Should we be more optimistic? Maybe.

Are we optimistic? Hell nah

Microsoft CEO Satya Nadella greeting the Red Teamers after Microsoft Ignite 2024 (they can now clone target voices)

🚨 BREAKING 🚨

MICROSOFT HAS JUST DISCOVERED VDI'S AND THIN CLIENTS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!!!

APT28 and APT29 listenin' to Eminem - "Without Me" as we speak

Today the United States Department of Justice unsealed criminal charges brought against 5 people.

- Ahmed Hossam Eldin Elbadawy, 23, a/k/a "AD", of College Station, Texas
- Noah Michael Urban, 20, a/k/a "Sosa" and "Elijah", of Palm Coast, Florida
- Evans Onyeaka Osiebo, 20, of Dallas, Texas
- Joel Martin Evans, 25, a/k/a "joeleoli", of Jacksonville, North Carolina
- Tyler Robert Buchanan, 22, of the United Kingdom

The individuals are accused of performing phishing and/or social engineering attacks which resulted in the theft of millions of dollars.

More information: https://www.justice.gov/usao-cdca/pr/5-defendants-charged-federally-running-scheme-targeted-victim-companies-phishing-text

When I was a teenager, I infected my personal computer trying to download "mods" for Windows XP. I couldn't find the malware (I only checked My Documents), so I thought the malware was in my modem. I convinced my parents to buy a new modem. It didn't fix it.

- smelly

Another funny story: I got malware (again) from trying to download "hacks" for Halo 2. I couldn't find the malware (again) so I randomly uninstalled software from the Control Panel. I uninstalled the audio drivers and network drivers. This didn't fix it.

- smelly

regular programmers: int x = 0;
malware programmers: DWORD dwIncrementalExportAddressTableEnumerationIndexer = 0;

This is such an oddly specific joke, it's not even funny but it had to be shared

unrelated to malware, but need to kitty post (dont feel like pushing to prod)

we're cooked (we're under the rest)

Removed post about Google having to sell Chrome. It was slightly misleading.

tl;dr will be confirmed or denied Summer 2025 by the courts.

Broke the news so fast they didn't have time to activate Windows

Been spamming F5 all day 🙏

This is not pronounced like "MAGA". It's pronounced like: "Mmmmmm. Aga". The double M's are pronounced like you just ate a delicious slice of pizza. The "Aga" part is pronounced like you're stuck in traffic — a strenuous sigh almost.

It's shrimple.