new year, new me

try writing a keylogger on windows that doesn't use if-else statements, while loops, for loops, do while, etc. switch statements also arent allowed

In 2024 we didn't:

- Get any certificates
- Complete any college courses
- Get featured in documentaries
- Win awards

Actually, we haven't gotten any of these in years.... :(

It's okay, mysterious husband described on LinkedIn, we're bums too and also collect cat pictures

> have coding project idea
> complete it
> unhappy

guess ill just introduce unnecessary amounts of convolution into the code, make it basically unreadable to myself and others, and then forget how it works in a few weeks

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

A long time ago I wrote code that would use callbacks to determine when a USB device with a valid filesystem was inserted.

If it did, it would copy itself to it.

tl;dr the malware is coming from the machine!!111

https://pastebin.com/raw/sVyz1Nsk

Stacey makes a great point.

Last weekend at a family gathering I sat across the dining room table from my 16 month old nephew.

I had multiple clear-cut career accomplishments in 2024. My 16 month old nephew? Zero.

He can't code
He can't drive
He poops his pants
He hasn't even tried to enroll in any formal higher education institutes

"How do you *do* that?!" I asked in shock. I asked, "how do you do nothing all day except go poo poo pee pee in your pants? You can't even code in PYTHON!"

He pooped his pants in response.

New infrastructure is up.

Papers have been migrated. Tomorrow, whenever we get to it, the site will be restored to show stuff we've migrated.

It's going to take some time to move the malware samples (it's big). Once that's done we'll restore the VXDB and then move back to kitty cat collections.

Thank you, Windows

Every invited guest cancelled or is unable to attend the vx-underground talk show tomorrow.

To compensate for this we will be inviting a homeless person we found outside a gas station who tried to sell us methamphetamine

People are reporting Conduent, the entity which handles state-benefits, child support, medical billing, etc. is currently offline. It's outage was sudden and seemingly out of nowhere.

Let's see if it's user(s) error, a technical outage, or the worst thing to happen on a Friday

Tonight on the vx-underground talk show: our featured guest will be _MG_

_MG_ is the creator of the infamous OMG Cable which is sold on Hak5. We'll be talking about hardware hacking, hardware malware.

We'll also have our intern and hotdog analyst present.

9PM EST.

Someone compromised something and leaked 30 never been before and unreleased Eminem songs.

https://hypebeast.com/2025/1/eminems-team-condemns-song-leaks-info

Nearly 30* sorry. The article doesn't explicitly list each track released. We also didn't research it more beyond this article.

Here is my implementation of a keylogger without if, else, loops, switches, etc.

In the attached threads you'll see some cool submissions too from daaximus and x86matthew.

However, neither are as ridiculous and overcomplicated as mine.

https://pastebin.com/raw/uuNQ6zep

https://x.com/vxunderground/status/1879395134321954958

Thanks to daaximus. When I was writing this my compiler kept trying to optimize segments of my code out. He spotted it. Smart guy. Smarter than me.

Also, also, everyone who wrote this using try-catch's or Python or AI is a coward

We're having some problems with our migration and Claude "AI" is not being helpful. 🙄

Public libraries are cool and badass