Chat, we're imposing cost 🤝

> researcher releases cool paper
> *crickets*
> influencer with mailing list appears
> shares stolen lame cheat sheet png
> 100000 likes
> 50000 retweets
> noobs in comments foaming out mouth

Hello, how are you?

First and foremost: thank you to our friends at TorGuard for the hosting they've been providing us. It's a wonderful gift and it makes our lives WAY easier. Thank you, Mr. TorGuard.

Anyway, we're almost done restoring the virus-dot-exchange. We've successfully uploaded 26,356,958 malwares. We have more to add, but we're almost done. It's truly a Christmas miracle. In an ideal world, the migration will be completed ... next week sometime.

Following the completion of the restoration of the virus exchange, we'll be hammering vx-underground with new APT malware samples and papers. Additionally, we've got tons of new malware we need to add from the InTheWild collection and VirusSign collection. We will also resume malware ingestion.

Sometime during this chaos, we'll be adding more work from Cryakl. We want to review our malware builders collection to ensure it's sterile-ish (no way we can truly confirm a malware builder is safe, use at your own caution, use common sense).

I'll also ensure during the work more kitty cat pictures will be present on social media (it irritates some of our more serious followers, no idea why we find that so humorous, but it is) and continue being cybercrime TMZ.

Have a nice morning, evening, or night.
- smelly smellington

> company vulnerable
> researcher tries to do responsible disclosure
> company ignores researchers pleas
> researcher notifies us
> company has contracts with United States government

> be me
> get added to top secret us gov signal chat
> yappin about yams or something idfk
> post cat pic
> us secretary of defense agrees

How do we politely inform a government contractor they've left their data exposed with the username being 'admin' and the password also being 'admin'?

We get probably 2 or 3 messages about this scam e-mail a month. We've also been informed by some people they've actually paid the 'ransom'.

Interestingly, a majority of people who have told us they've paid the 'ransom' are people who we believe to be mentally ill. The people have suggested the government is tracking them, the former (or current) presidential administration is targeting them, or they have some sort of connection to a higher spiritual being.

tl;dr mentally ill people falling for it, sad tbh

More interestingly (maybe?), we've also witnessed people who are exhibitionists seem excited by the prospect of being extorted and having their genitals exposed to people they know.

The internet is a cool place

Today ESET noted the discovery of RoamingMouse, Anel, AnelLdr and FaceXInjector

It is malware and playfully homoerotic

cl0p ransomware claims to have compromised Sam's Club.

For non-Ameriburgers — Sam's Club is a place where Americans pay a fee to get access to a store where you can buy food in bulk for cheaper. You can buy Monster Energy drinks by the pallet (no idea why you'd want to do it, but we do it).

Based on the history of cl0p ransomware, cl0p ransomware (probably) isn't lying. cl0p also historically exfiltrates data, they have not (to the best of our knowledge) actually "locked" machines on a network.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Information via AlvieriD

It's fun memeing nerds for hacking websites.

It's funnier because we couldn't hack a website if our lives depended on it because we've spent our entire lives screaming into the void of Windows internals

Just learned Costco uses IBM AS/400 (released in 1988)

They're basically bulletproof. Name 1 ransomware variant, or information stealer, designed for systems from 1988 (you can't, it doesn't exist)

Chat, we're Costco guys 🤝

Threat Actors trying to figure out what kind of piece of shit they're targeting (it's using PowerPC architecture, 256kb of RAM, and 12mb of harddrive storage)

Today Elon Musk announced xAI has acquired X

No idea what that means, but here we are

>check internet
>see rust nerds
>rust nerd says: "rust is faster than pure asm"

mfw rust is its own instruction set now and supersedes the entire x64 architecture and the hardware it was designed to operate on

Had a doctor's appointment today. He asked about some medication I was prescribed from a different physician. He asked how to spell it.

He Googled it and then proceeded to skim the Drugs dot com and Wikipedia article about it

C'mon bro, at least hide it from me or something