"kids who arent fed kindness with a spoon learn to lick it off knives"
be kind to your inner child
be kind to your inner child
🔥7
depression, mental health, self compassion, "run the dishwasher twice"
"when i was at one of my lowest (mental) points in my life, i couldnt get out of bed some days. i had no energy or motivation and i was barely getting by, and i had therapy once per week"
[full tranoscription in comments]
"when i was at one of my lowest (mental) points in my life, i couldnt get out of bed some days. i had no energy or motivation and i was barely getting by, and i had therapy once per week"
[full tranoscription in comments]
❤4
abuse, mental health, survivorship bias
" "the trauma made you kind" fuck that. no. i am kind because i cannot allow anyone to go through what i did. i am soft because i chose to be.
Trauma made me scared, angry, and vulnerable.
I made myself kind.
“Ten spears go to battle," he whispered, "and nine shatter. Did the war forge the one that remained? No, Amaram. All the war did was identify the spear that would not break.”
- Brandon Sanderson’s Oathbringer "
" "the trauma made you kind" fuck that. no. i am kind because i cannot allow anyone to go through what i did. i am soft because i chose to be.
Trauma made me scared, angry, and vulnerable.
I made myself kind.
“Ten spears go to battle," he whispered, "and nine shatter. Did the war forge the one that remained? No, Amaram. All the war did was identify the spear that would not break.”
- Brandon Sanderson’s Oathbringer "
👏10👍1
mental health, socialization
"Triggers are like allergies.
An allergy is an extreme sensitivity to something that might not bother most people.
There are common ones and rare ones
They range from mildly annoying to life threatening, depending on the degree of sensitivity
Not everyone has them. Some people might have several
There's no need to include allergy warnings when your audience is small and well known and you know no one present is allergic to anything you're bringing.
When your audience is wider or unknown, it's courteous to include warnings for the more common ones (peanuts, milk). Because better safe than sorry.
If you find out that someone with a rarer one might be present, you should include warnings for things you usually wouldn't (cayenne pepper, mint).
It you set off an allergic reaction, you apologize even if you didn't know they had that allergy, you do what you can to help. and you take care not to do it again.
Teasing someone for having one is stupid
People don't choose to have them. and those that have them wish they didn't
Faking one that you don't have is bad form.
And if you intentionally expose an allergic person to something you know they are allergic to, you are an ASSHOLE."
"Triggers are like allergies.
An allergy is an extreme sensitivity to something that might not bother most people.
There are common ones and rare ones
They range from mildly annoying to life threatening, depending on the degree of sensitivity
Not everyone has them. Some people might have several
There's no need to include allergy warnings when your audience is small and well known and you know no one present is allergic to anything you're bringing.
When your audience is wider or unknown, it's courteous to include warnings for the more common ones (peanuts, milk). Because better safe than sorry.
If you find out that someone with a rarer one might be present, you should include warnings for things you usually wouldn't (cayenne pepper, mint).
It you set off an allergic reaction, you apologize even if you didn't know they had that allergy, you do what you can to help. and you take care not to do it again.
Teasing someone for having one is stupid
People don't choose to have them. and those that have them wish they didn't
Faking one that you don't have is bad form.
And if you intentionally expose an allergic person to something you know they are allergic to, you are an ASSHOLE."
👏6❤2
mental health, socialization, self compassion
"someone who drowns in 7 feet of water is just as dead as someone who drowns in 20 feet of water. stop comparing traumas, stop belitting your or anyone else's trauma because it wasnt "as bad" as someone else's. This isn't a competition, we all deserve support and recovery."
"someone who drowns in 7 feet of water is just as dead as someone who drowns in 20 feet of water. stop comparing traumas, stop belitting your or anyone else's trauma because it wasnt "as bad" as someone else's. This isn't a competition, we all deserve support and recovery."
👍11
story time
admin was once in charge, with some other adults, of devising a punishment for a group of teenagers, 17-19yo maybe. they basically went out of their way to do things they werent supposed to do, and ended up arriving over an hour late to lunchtime, where a lot of other people waited for them to arrive for over half an hour before starting the meal
the "adults" group had a brief meeting about what could be an appropriate punishment, and over and over again, they would think of bad punishment. "we could make them eat under the sunlight instead of under the shadow". "how about we leave them without dessert?". "tomorrow we will make them wake up an hour early". those all were rejected because you arent supposed to fucking harm kids. no physical punishment. no playing with the food access, under any circumstances. putting them under a summer sunlight in high heat hours was, definitively, not acceptable. and it was made clear the sort of punishment ideas that were going to be rejected, yet still mostly everyone kept returning to them, because they had a hard time to think of an actual real, normal, acceptable punishment.
and admin thinks about that experience often. everyone who is in charge of other alive beings should constantly reevaluate what they do. it is extended practice to limit access to food to kids as a punishment, even if it is just "no dessert", but sometimes they lost access to a whole dinner for example. and that is not acceptable. if anyone here, at any point, has thought that food is a privilege that kids, or adult people, or animals, can lose just because they did something "bad", they need to reevaluate themselves
admin was once in charge, with some other adults, of devising a punishment for a group of teenagers, 17-19yo maybe. they basically went out of their way to do things they werent supposed to do, and ended up arriving over an hour late to lunchtime, where a lot of other people waited for them to arrive for over half an hour before starting the meal
the "adults" group had a brief meeting about what could be an appropriate punishment, and over and over again, they would think of bad punishment. "we could make them eat under the sunlight instead of under the shadow". "how about we leave them without dessert?". "tomorrow we will make them wake up an hour early". those all were rejected because you arent supposed to fucking harm kids. no physical punishment. no playing with the food access, under any circumstances. putting them under a summer sunlight in high heat hours was, definitively, not acceptable. and it was made clear the sort of punishment ideas that were going to be rejected, yet still mostly everyone kept returning to them, because they had a hard time to think of an actual real, normal, acceptable punishment.
and admin thinks about that experience often. everyone who is in charge of other alive beings should constantly reevaluate what they do. it is extended practice to limit access to food to kids as a punishment, even if it is just "no dessert", but sometimes they lost access to a whole dinner for example. and that is not acceptable. if anyone here, at any point, has thought that food is a privilege that kids, or adult people, or animals, can lose just because they did something "bad", they need to reevaluate themselves
❤13👍3👎1
neurodivergency, adhd
" In one of my ADHD groups, a question about motivation and inability to start came up. This is one of the comments:
"Mel Robbins (who is also ADHD) talks about 54321-go. She wrote a whole book on it, but its mainly as soon as you think of something or have i want to do something, you count down from 5 to 1 then MOVE YOUR BODY TOWARDS WHAT EVER IT IS YOU NEED TO DO before your brain can talk you out of it. There loads of neuroscience why this works and before i was diagnosed i used this technique all the time. From getting out of bed, to getting a shower, to reading, stopping scrolling, stopping watching tv to literally everything if i needed to. i still do. it really helps me. And like you say, once you get started its okay, and then the dopamine kicks in. She did a talk on it, i think if you google it will come up. Also, tyrosine and theanine is good for me too. Hope this helps." "
" In one of my ADHD groups, a question about motivation and inability to start came up. This is one of the comments:
"Mel Robbins (who is also ADHD) talks about 54321-go. She wrote a whole book on it, but its mainly as soon as you think of something or have i want to do something, you count down from 5 to 1 then MOVE YOUR BODY TOWARDS WHAT EVER IT IS YOU NEED TO DO before your brain can talk you out of it. There loads of neuroscience why this works and before i was diagnosed i used this technique all the time. From getting out of bed, to getting a shower, to reading, stopping scrolling, stopping watching tv to literally everything if i needed to. i still do. it really helps me. And like you say, once you get started its okay, and then the dopamine kicks in. She did a talk on it, i think if you google it will come up. Also, tyrosine and theanine is good for me too. Hope this helps." "
👍9❤7
mental health, self compassion
"please practice speaking to yourself in a gentle mental voice. many of us, especially those raised by overly critical caregivers, have developed the habit of speaking unkindly to ourselves in our own heads. this is yet another instance of learned behavior that has to be purposely unlearnt. a good way to start is to monitor your thoughts and the judgments you pass on yourself, and practice rewording them in more positive, supportive language. practice speaking to yourself as if to a child who needs love and kindness. because you do. you do need those things. in a world as jumbled and harsh as this, you deserve at least to cradle yourself in your own gentle hands. you deserve people who treat you gently. and one of those people needs to be you.
wow you mean I'm, like, allowed to do this???
I think it is a wise and compassionate habit to pick up! And also that it takes a lot of courage. So yes, not only are you allowed, you are courageous and responsible for doing so!
In a world that profits from your misery, being tender to yourself and others is inherently an act of rebellion. "
"please practice speaking to yourself in a gentle mental voice. many of us, especially those raised by overly critical caregivers, have developed the habit of speaking unkindly to ourselves in our own heads. this is yet another instance of learned behavior that has to be purposely unlearnt. a good way to start is to monitor your thoughts and the judgments you pass on yourself, and practice rewording them in more positive, supportive language. practice speaking to yourself as if to a child who needs love and kindness. because you do. you do need those things. in a world as jumbled and harsh as this, you deserve at least to cradle yourself in your own gentle hands. you deserve people who treat you gently. and one of those people needs to be you.
wow you mean I'm, like, allowed to do this???
I think it is a wise and compassionate habit to pick up! And also that it takes a lot of courage. So yes, not only are you allowed, you are courageous and responsible for doing so!
In a world that profits from your misery, being tender to yourself and others is inherently an act of rebellion. "
❤3🔥1
socialization, mental health, self compassion
"SAY SORRY WHEN...
· You've crossed a boundary
· You become aware that someone felt hurt by an action of yours
· You were mistaken about something
DON'T APOLOGIZE FOR...
· Taking up space
· Consuming resources
· Existing
· Expressing yourself
· Asking for something
· Asserting yourself
· Putting yourself first
· Being different
· Disappointing others
· Choosing what works for you
· For saying no
· For saying yes
· For being happy
· For being sad
· For being upset
· For having needs
· For having feelings
· For having wants
· For being"
"SAY SORRY WHEN...
· You've crossed a boundary
· You become aware that someone felt hurt by an action of yours
· You were mistaken about something
DON'T APOLOGIZE FOR...
· Taking up space
· Consuming resources
· Existing
· Expressing yourself
· Asking for something
· Asserting yourself
· Putting yourself first
· Being different
· Disappointing others
· Choosing what works for you
· For saying no
· For saying yes
· For being happy
· For being sad
· For being upset
· For having needs
· For having feelings
· For having wants
· For being"
❤7🔥2
society, chronic illness, survivorship bias
"reading letters from 1818 is wild
"its that time of the year when i get colds for no apparent reason again” have some clairitin hon
But also we're not becoming allergic to everything nowadays like certain white moms fear. Allergies have always existed. They were just talked about differently
Like "oh clams always ~turn my stomach~".
Or "what a pity he was taken from us at age 5"
"Well we didn't have all this fancy chronic illness stuffin the Olden Days, what did people do then??"
They died, Ashleigh.
This is a picture tracking bullet holes on Alied planes that encountered Nazi anti-aircraft fire in WW2.
At first, the military wanted to reinforce those areas, because obviously that's where the ground crews observed the most damage on returning planes. Until Hungarian-born Jewish mathematician Abraham Wald pointed out that this the damage on the planes that made it home, and the Alies should armor the areas where there are no dots at all,because those are the places where the planes won't survive when hit. This phenomenon is called survivorship bias, a logic error where you focus on things that survived when you shouid really be looking at things that didn't.
We have higher rates of mental illness now? Maybe that's because we've stopped killing people for being "possessed” or "witches”
Higher rate of allergies? Anaphylaxis kills,and does so really fast if you don't know what's happening. Higher claims of rape? Maybe victims are less afraid of coming forward. These problems were all happening before, but now we've reinforced the medical and social structures needed to help these people survive. And we stil have a long way to go."
"reading letters from 1818 is wild
"its that time of the year when i get colds for no apparent reason again” have some clairitin hon
But also we're not becoming allergic to everything nowadays like certain white moms fear. Allergies have always existed. They were just talked about differently
Like "oh clams always ~turn my stomach~".
Or "what a pity he was taken from us at age 5"
"Well we didn't have all this fancy chronic illness stuffin the Olden Days, what did people do then??"
They died, Ashleigh.
This is a picture tracking bullet holes on Alied planes that encountered Nazi anti-aircraft fire in WW2.
At first, the military wanted to reinforce those areas, because obviously that's where the ground crews observed the most damage on returning planes. Until Hungarian-born Jewish mathematician Abraham Wald pointed out that this the damage on the planes that made it home, and the Alies should armor the areas where there are no dots at all,because those are the places where the planes won't survive when hit. This phenomenon is called survivorship bias, a logic error where you focus on things that survived when you shouid really be looking at things that didn't.
We have higher rates of mental illness now? Maybe that's because we've stopped killing people for being "possessed” or "witches”
Higher rate of allergies? Anaphylaxis kills,and does so really fast if you don't know what's happening. Higher claims of rape? Maybe victims are less afraid of coming forward. These problems were all happening before, but now we've reinforced the medical and social structures needed to help these people survive. And we stil have a long way to go."
❤10🔥1