patriarchy, socialization, masculinity
"we lock boys inside their bodies, too
we don't teach them to cry or be tender, we don't offer softness as an option.. we don't show them how to self-soothe or reach out for support. they learn that intimacy means sex and anything else is excessively emotional. they learn to fear the way their own body could emasculate them if they touch it wrong.they learn that they must be big because being small means being belittled. to be masculine is to assert power and dominance, and so love, or any other emotion, should always be about asserting power and dominance, too. friendship with other men is just a friendly competition, the opposite of vulnerability. deep connection is dangerous, a threat to masculinity; and admitting loneliness or helplessness is admitting defeat.
we see the abuse of sex and rage and power; we see the emotional immaturity and the lack of reciprocity and depth; we wonder how such a profound alienation from one's own humanity and the humanity of others even came into existence - as if we didn't isolate them and put a cage around their hearts when they were small, making it impossible for them to grow any bigger. is it really so surprising that many wind up behaving like caged animals?"
"we lock boys inside their bodies, too
we don't teach them to cry or be tender, we don't offer softness as an option.. we don't show them how to self-soothe or reach out for support. they learn that intimacy means sex and anything else is excessively emotional. they learn to fear the way their own body could emasculate them if they touch it wrong.they learn that they must be big because being small means being belittled. to be masculine is to assert power and dominance, and so love, or any other emotion, should always be about asserting power and dominance, too. friendship with other men is just a friendly competition, the opposite of vulnerability. deep connection is dangerous, a threat to masculinity; and admitting loneliness or helplessness is admitting defeat.
we see the abuse of sex and rage and power; we see the emotional immaturity and the lack of reciprocity and depth; we wonder how such a profound alienation from one's own humanity and the humanity of others even came into existence - as if we didn't isolate them and put a cage around their hearts when they were small, making it impossible for them to grow any bigger. is it really so surprising that many wind up behaving like caged animals?"
💯59❤13🔥7👏6👍2
love, hobbies, society indoctrination
"I used to hate using "love" liberally. i felt it was a sacred word only to be used in very special occasions. Now that i'm older, i've come to the realization that love should be shared and felt and received with reckless abandon. Love these characters, love this food, love things in the moment, even if they may seem tiny and insignificant to others. i think it makes life a little more soft around the edges.
Love is not a finite resource."
"I used to hate using "love" liberally. i felt it was a sacred word only to be used in very special occasions. Now that i'm older, i've come to the realization that love should be shared and felt and received with reckless abandon. Love these characters, love this food, love things in the moment, even if they may seem tiny and insignificant to others. i think it makes life a little more soft around the edges.
Love is not a finite resource."
❤60🥰14👍1🔥1
socialization, guilt, anxiety
"Maybe you aren’t annoying, maybe they were just annoyed. Maybe your entire personality can’t be boiled down to actions others found disruptive. Maybe peoples feelings are subjective views of you, not objective. The same way we teach kids to say "I feel angry when you do this thing" instead of "you made me angry!" maybe you should consider that people, due to their own personal beliefs about social interaction, felt annoyed in response to your actions but that that doesn’t necessarily mean you did something bad or are something bad. And while its sweet that you want to make sure people don’t have negative feelings, there’s a lot of humans in this world and we’re always going to be stepping on each others toes so maybe don’t let people feeling annoyed with you define you. "
"Maybe you aren’t annoying, maybe they were just annoyed. Maybe your entire personality can’t be boiled down to actions others found disruptive. Maybe peoples feelings are subjective views of you, not objective. The same way we teach kids to say "I feel angry when you do this thing" instead of "you made me angry!" maybe you should consider that people, due to their own personal beliefs about social interaction, felt annoyed in response to your actions but that that doesn’t necessarily mean you did something bad or are something bad. And while its sweet that you want to make sure people don’t have negative feelings, there’s a lot of humans in this world and we’re always going to be stepping on each others toes so maybe don’t let people feeling annoyed with you define you. "
❤37👍5💯4🤯3
rules arent real, therapists, run the dishwasher twice
[trannoscription in separate message]
[trannoscription in separate message]
❤48💯5👍1
[trannoscription]
[1/5]
Therapists are just.... Common sense filters
Me: yeah so i just don't have the energy to get up and make myself a sandwich or wait for something to cook so i just. Don't
Her: why don't you just eat the sandwich components without putting them together
Me:
Her: you can just eat a handful of cheese and some sandwich meat. You don't have to make a sandwich.
Me:
Me: what
[2/5]
Therapists finding loopholes for mental illness things is one of my favorite things about dealing with mental iliness because it really helps me understand that just because a reaction is Common doesn't mean it's Right. Does doing dishes stress you out a lot? Buy paper plates. Do your obsessive thoughts make you worry about leaving your curling iron on so you drive home from work to check? Just put the curling iron in your purse and bring it to work with you while we work on tackling where this worry comes from. Symptom management doesn't have to look like drudgery.
[3/5]
i used to go days without showering because seeing my body was so upsetting that i would end up spiraling and then i realized i could simply turn the lights out. it took some getting used to but i've been showering with the lights off for years and it's now one of my favorite parts of my day. do whatever you want nothing is real and there's no need to inflict unnecessary suffering on yourself just to try to seem “normal”
[4/5]
These kinds of loopholes make life so. Much. Better.
One of my favorite stories is this lady had extremely bad OCD. Every day she'd be late to work because she was convinced that her hair dryer was going to burn down the house so would always have to turn around and check it. Multiple times a day even. A bunch of doctors tied to “fix" her of that fear, until one day she got a doctor that suggested she bring the hair dryer with her. Other doctors were annoyed, saying that wasn't a the correct way to help, but she gave it a go. When she had that fear, she'd look over and see the hair dryer unplugged in the seat next to her and was able to carry on. i think it's such a perfect example of actually helping someone instead of forcing them into a neurotypical standard.
[5/5]
That story helped me stop repeatedly checking if my front door was locked. Instead of checking that the door was locked over and over i would check my security system app. If it's on it will alert me if the front door opens. "...actually helping someone instead of forcing them into a neurotypical standard" should be added to the Hippocratic Oath. "
[1/5]
Therapists are just.... Common sense filters
Me: yeah so i just don't have the energy to get up and make myself a sandwich or wait for something to cook so i just. Don't
Her: why don't you just eat the sandwich components without putting them together
Me:
Her: you can just eat a handful of cheese and some sandwich meat. You don't have to make a sandwich.
Me:
Me: what
[2/5]
Therapists finding loopholes for mental illness things is one of my favorite things about dealing with mental iliness because it really helps me understand that just because a reaction is Common doesn't mean it's Right. Does doing dishes stress you out a lot? Buy paper plates. Do your obsessive thoughts make you worry about leaving your curling iron on so you drive home from work to check? Just put the curling iron in your purse and bring it to work with you while we work on tackling where this worry comes from. Symptom management doesn't have to look like drudgery.
[3/5]
i used to go days without showering because seeing my body was so upsetting that i would end up spiraling and then i realized i could simply turn the lights out. it took some getting used to but i've been showering with the lights off for years and it's now one of my favorite parts of my day. do whatever you want nothing is real and there's no need to inflict unnecessary suffering on yourself just to try to seem “normal”
[4/5]
These kinds of loopholes make life so. Much. Better.
One of my favorite stories is this lady had extremely bad OCD. Every day she'd be late to work because she was convinced that her hair dryer was going to burn down the house so would always have to turn around and check it. Multiple times a day even. A bunch of doctors tied to “fix" her of that fear, until one day she got a doctor that suggested she bring the hair dryer with her. Other doctors were annoyed, saying that wasn't a the correct way to help, but she gave it a go. When she had that fear, she'd look over and see the hair dryer unplugged in the seat next to her and was able to carry on. i think it's such a perfect example of actually helping someone instead of forcing them into a neurotypical standard.
[5/5]
That story helped me stop repeatedly checking if my front door was locked. Instead of checking that the door was locked over and over i would check my security system app. If it's on it will alert me if the front door opens. "...actually helping someone instead of forcing them into a neurotypical standard" should be added to the Hippocratic Oath. "
🔥36❤3
abuse, family, socialization
"
"Don't say you hate your fam-" No.
"Omg you should love your fami-" No.
"Be grateful they're your famil-" No.
If you have been bullied, hit, teased, put down, hurt, lied to, or hated by your own family; you don't need to justify how you feel. You don't need to explain yourself. You are allowed to hate a family member or dislike a family member if they've given you a reason to.
This is so fucking important. It's true. Family is basically a microcosm of government, complete with hierarchy and those who would abuse it. Just because they're blood relatives doesn't mean you'll unmistakably get along with them. "
"
"Don't say you hate your fam-" No.
"Omg you should love your fami-" No.
"Be grateful they're your famil-" No.
If you have been bullied, hit, teased, put down, hurt, lied to, or hated by your own family; you don't need to justify how you feel. You don't need to explain yourself. You are allowed to hate a family member or dislike a family member if they've given you a reason to.
This is so fucking important. It's true. Family is basically a microcosm of government, complete with hierarchy and those who would abuse it. Just because they're blood relatives doesn't mean you'll unmistakably get along with them. "
❤46💯20👍2🔥2
abuse, relationships
"you deserve connections that don't require you to walk on eggshells to get a point across. you deserve connections that don't require you to sacrifice your peace just to protect feelings or egos. you deserve connections that don't require you to distance your self, from yourself. "
"you deserve connections that don't require you to walk on eggshells to get a point across. you deserve connections that don't require you to sacrifice your peace just to protect feelings or egos. you deserve connections that don't require you to distance your self, from yourself. "
❤50💯9👍2🍓2
invisible problems, self compassion, neurodivergency, society
"hard to swallow pills
you're not "lazy". your mental illness forces you to spend an enormous amount of energy just to keep yourself together. you work hard every day. even if the fruits of your labor aren't immediately obvious to everyone."
"hard to swallow pills
you're not "lazy". your mental illness forces you to spend an enormous amount of energy just to keep yourself together. you work hard every day. even if the fruits of your labor aren't immediately obvious to everyone."
❤54💯6💔4👍1
abuse, trauma, socialization, trauma reactions
"Emotional abuse works like this: You are screamed at, and then, not knowing any better, you stand up for yourself. You think this is a way of being strong. You think this is a defense tactic.But this only provokes more screaming. Going silent provokes more screaming too, but usually it keeps the threats to the minimum. It keeps it just at screaming and not: a shove down the stairs, or order to pack your stuff and get out. So you learn how to go silent. How to play dead. How to cry without making a noise. How to swallow noise. How to wipe your cheeks, get out of the car, and go about your day. You learn. And when the screaming has stopped, when the two of you are in the car or out to dinner and they’re all smiles, all asking for favors, all questions, you are still hurt and annoyed and want to ask them, how? How can you speak to me like that? How can you pretend you did not say those things? How can you have forgotten? But you’ve learned. So you listen to, "Can i borrow your key"s and "how was your day"s and you play dead. You swallow the noise. And sometimes it doesn’t matter who is speaking to you, it doesn’t matter if they’re a friend, it doesn’t matter if their criticism is constructive, it doesn’t matter. You’ve learned. Any sort of speaking, any raising of the voice, any insult and you play dead."
"Emotional abuse works like this: You are screamed at, and then, not knowing any better, you stand up for yourself. You think this is a way of being strong. You think this is a defense tactic.But this only provokes more screaming. Going silent provokes more screaming too, but usually it keeps the threats to the minimum. It keeps it just at screaming and not: a shove down the stairs, or order to pack your stuff and get out. So you learn how to go silent. How to play dead. How to cry without making a noise. How to swallow noise. How to wipe your cheeks, get out of the car, and go about your day. You learn. And when the screaming has stopped, when the two of you are in the car or out to dinner and they’re all smiles, all asking for favors, all questions, you are still hurt and annoyed and want to ask them, how? How can you speak to me like that? How can you pretend you did not say those things? How can you have forgotten? But you’ve learned. So you listen to, "Can i borrow your key"s and "how was your day"s and you play dead. You swallow the noise. And sometimes it doesn’t matter who is speaking to you, it doesn’t matter if they’re a friend, it doesn’t matter if their criticism is constructive, it doesn’t matter. You’ve learned. Any sort of speaking, any raising of the voice, any insult and you play dead."
💔49💯15😢13❤7👍2
trauma, patterns, depression
"[1/2]
learned helplessness came out of experimental psychology in 1964 with dr martin seligman*
a dog is repeatedly hurt by an adverse stimulus that it can not escape
(unable to escape electric shocks)
eventually the dog will stop trying to avoid the pain and behaves as if it is utterly helpless to change the situation
finally, when opportunities to escape are presented, this learned helplessness prevents any action. the only coping mechanism the dog uses is to be stoical and put up with the discomfort
(dog does not jump over partition)
(no shocks on this side)
*super mean science :(
[2/2]
feeling like you have no control over your situation is depressing
school
home
friends
there is nothing i can do about my life
it is always going to be like this"
#art_credit_missing
"[1/2]
learned helplessness came out of experimental psychology in 1964 with dr martin seligman*
a dog is repeatedly hurt by an adverse stimulus that it can not escape
(unable to escape electric shocks)
eventually the dog will stop trying to avoid the pain and behaves as if it is utterly helpless to change the situation
finally, when opportunities to escape are presented, this learned helplessness prevents any action. the only coping mechanism the dog uses is to be stoical and put up with the discomfort
(dog does not jump over partition)
(no shocks on this side)
*super mean science :(
[2/2]
feeling like you have no control over your situation is depressing
school
home
friends
there is nothing i can do about my life
it is always going to be like this"
#art_credit_missing
😢32❤14👍5💔2🤯1🎉1
boundaries, relationships, socialization
"Healthy Relationships
Accountability
·Admits mistakes (or when wrong)
·Accepts responsibility for behaviors, attitudes, & values
Trust
·Accepting each others word
·Giving the benefit of the doubt
Cooperation
·Asking not expecting
·Accepting change
·Making decisions together
·Willing to compromise
·Win win resolutions to conflict
Support
·Support each others choices
·Being understanding
·Offering encouragement
·Listening non-judgmentally
·Valuing opinions
Honesty
·Communicates openly and truthfully
Safety
·Refusing to intimidate or manipulate
·Respecting physical space
·Expressing self non-violently
"
"Healthy Relationships
Accountability
·Admits mistakes (or when wrong)
·Accepts responsibility for behaviors, attitudes, & values
Trust
·Accepting each others word
·Giving the benefit of the doubt
Cooperation
·Asking not expecting
·Accepting change
·Making decisions together
·Willing to compromise
·Win win resolutions to conflict
Support
·Support each others choices
·Being understanding
·Offering encouragement
·Listening non-judgmentally
·Valuing opinions
Honesty
·Communicates openly and truthfully
Safety
·Refusing to intimidate or manipulate
·Respecting physical space
·Expressing self non-violently
"
❤43❤🔥2👍2