Through a Glass Darkly (1961).

Grief is a strange thing.

It’s with you constantly, a dark companion shadowing your steps, but still finds ways of jumping out from around corners to overwhelm you all over again.

They say time heals all wounds, but it doesn’t really heal.

It scabs over, and then something tears it open again. Eventually, it becomes a scar, but if you touch it, you’ll always feel the echo of that pain.

It leaves a hole. You may find other people. But you’ll never find one that replaces the person you’ve lost.

Note to self 3

You isolated yourself around an invisible wall and it’s not healthy. If you keep bottling up like this eventually you will explode and it will not be fun. 

But the moment I felt the heat as the butterflies erupted, I ran away.

Flowers will still grow in your garden, even though you are a horrible person.

Note to self 4

sit your manipulative ass down!

The whistling song is the main sound track of an old 1969 British Horror film,
"Twisted Nerve", composed by Bernard Herrmann.
It's been featured in two Quentin Tarantino films.
"Kill Bill " and "Death Proof (2007)"
And in "American Horror Story" aswell

I wanna be 12 again and ruin my life differently, I have new ideas

Though I than He - may longer live
He longer must - than I -
For I have but the power to kill,
Without - the power to die

My Life had stood – a Loaded Gun' by Emily Dickinson