I'm in fucking Thunder junction smoking that Marchesa underboob laced fat J with Lazav

You think I give a fuck? Run up to a modern rcq with an all silver bordered deck ninja I don't give a fuck, Last man who called a judge on me got darksteel mutation'd in real life, his name was Franz Kafka

Do not ask me where I was during the phyrexian invasion, you do not want to know the amount of glistening oil I licked personally from Elesh norns phyrexussy

I'm snorting crack cocaine laced with that realmbreaker oil, I'm so high I got compleated and desparked in the span of a month,

I'm moving different, play 50 boardwipes in my child of alara edh deck just to keep you unofficially hostage

The doors are fucking locked and I'm the fiend in this house they call me valgavoth the pussy eater

Do you think I give a fuck? I'm blinded by my fully japanese foiled out cedh deck at the store making up card effects

I'm ancient man, I thought Richard Garfield how to play this fucking game

I'm so old that I've seen the Arabian day before the Arabian nights

I'm so fucking high I started criticizing mtg game design with a tree thinking it was Maro

You think you're tough? Try surviving the fucking eventide with just a pack of Newports and a broken swithcblade

I'm fucking crazy, turns out that rakdos is fucking scared of me

The azorius try to catch me but I move differently call me looter il-kor the way I be getting draws while being unblockable

I'm the actual art of the invisible stalker they had to censor me for indecent exposure, I'm fucking banned from Avacyn's church but Anya Falkenrath calls me mommy after that incident

I convinced Edgar to do a pact with Shilgengar only so I could feed on menstrual blood

I've got a cumsock so crusty it's got infect and taps for white mana

I'm so ancient I knew grandmother Sengir in her teens, you twerp

Last Nim who ran his mouth got ran over with the fucking parhelion, that's why the boros had to get another one

Dragged that idiot across the streets of ravnica, idiot looked like a fucking eldrich Moon eldrazi horror

Got the rakdos guild cheering for me that's why Rakdos started brokeback mountaining on thunder junction for crack

Shit so strong I call it stasis the way it keeps me fucking tapped