THE Philosopher – Telegram
THE Philosopher
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The Daily Poor and the Poor Pizza Man are sponsored by the King Arthur Baking Company.
New York style pizza is an abomination. That is all.
THE Philosopher
New York style pizza is an abomination. That is all.
And if you thought New York style was an insult to pizza, Chicago deep dish is an outright culinary war crime; it's what happens when you prioritize quantity over quality, heft over craft.
THE Philosopher
New York style pizza is an abomination. That is all.
Montreal pizza. I was skeptical at first, but I've grown to respect it, as much as I hate to admit it. The wood-fired oven gives the pleasantly puffy crust a pleasant char. Their blend of mozzarella and Wisconsin brick cheese is unorthodox, yet it works - creating a unique, flavorful bite. It's not trying to be Neapolitan, and that's okay. A slice here occasionally? I won't say "no."
THE Philosopher
Montreal pizza. I was skeptical at first, but I've grown to respect it, as much as I hate to admit it. The wood-fired oven gives the pleasantly puffy crust a pleasant char. Their blend of mozzarella and Wisconsin brick cheese is unorthodox, yet it works -…
Speaking of Canada... Hawaiian pizza: Canada's lesser, loathsome "contribution" to the world of pizza. This pineapple-riddled atrocity screams fake origin story. "Sam Panopoulos"? They expect us to believe that a Greek with "pineapple" in his name just happened to be the guy that decided to stick pineapple on pizza? They think we are fools.

This culinary crime proves some so-called inventors deserve to be banished to a deserted island - with nothing but their wretched creation to sustain them. Clearly named "Hawaiian" because even Canadians were too ashamed to claim this abomination as their own.
THE Philosopher
New York style pizza is an abomination. That is all.
But New York Style is actually good, Mr. Poor.


Listen, pal. If your idea of "good" is a floppy grease-rag with delusions of grandeur, you need taste bud rehab. New York style is a sad, flat imitation of real pizza. No puffy, airy crust. No balanced toppings. Just a soggy, greasy canvas for your folding fetish. But hey, enjoy your cheerless cheese-carrier, your gloomy grease-grabber, your dismal dinner. The rest of us'll be eating actual food.