Keeping EGO in check.
One can easily inherit a painful sense of identity. Every human is born into a particular situation—an environment shaped by parental, cultural, and societal factors. A person can easily be born into an environment that instills a painful sense of identity.
This can be an individual identity, as in your case, or it can be a painful collective identity. For example, if you are born into a group of people who were enslaved, you inherit a painful sense of identity associated with that history.
It's important to understand that the ego does not want to free itself from this identity because that is what defines it. The ego clings to this pain, and the "pain body" thrives on it. This becomes dangerous when one begins to identify as a perpetual victim.
There's no denying that there were—and still are—people who are victims of others. However, the danger arises when you adopt a “victim identity.”
What is the “victim identity?”
If you or your ancestors were victims, you can inherit that sense of victimhood. The important thing is to move beyond having a victim identity, which means you stop seeking your sense of self in being a victim. The ego clings to this identity because it offers a sense of superiority.
You might ask, "How can the ego feel superior if it has a victim identity?" The answer lies in the implication of moral superiority. When the ego adopts a victim identity, it imagines itself as morally superior to others—especially those who are not victims or who are perceived as perpetrators.
Being a victim immediately creates an imagined sense of moral superiority. The ego loves this. It thrives on thinking, "I'm better than them," regardless of the context.
It is important to differentiate between recognizing the facts of what happened and allowing the ego to build an identity around them. The ego will find a way to elevate itself—if not as the great victor, then as the great victim.
One can easily inherit a painful sense of identity. Every human is born into a particular situation—an environment shaped by parental, cultural, and societal factors. A person can easily be born into an environment that instills a painful sense of identity.
This can be an individual identity, as in your case, or it can be a painful collective identity. For example, if you are born into a group of people who were enslaved, you inherit a painful sense of identity associated with that history.
It's important to understand that the ego does not want to free itself from this identity because that is what defines it. The ego clings to this pain, and the "pain body" thrives on it. This becomes dangerous when one begins to identify as a perpetual victim.
There's no denying that there were—and still are—people who are victims of others. However, the danger arises when you adopt a “victim identity.”
What is the “victim identity?”
If you or your ancestors were victims, you can inherit that sense of victimhood. The important thing is to move beyond having a victim identity, which means you stop seeking your sense of self in being a victim. The ego clings to this identity because it offers a sense of superiority.
You might ask, "How can the ego feel superior if it has a victim identity?" The answer lies in the implication of moral superiority. When the ego adopts a victim identity, it imagines itself as morally superior to others—especially those who are not victims or who are perceived as perpetrators.
Being a victim immediately creates an imagined sense of moral superiority. The ego loves this. It thrives on thinking, "I'm better than them," regardless of the context.
It is important to differentiate between recognizing the facts of what happened and allowing the ego to build an identity around them. The ego will find a way to elevate itself—if not as the great victor, then as the great victim.
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Carl Jung.
True connection begins with authenticity.
When you focus on your purpose and do your work with integrity, the right people will find you.
You won’t have to chase them, they will naturally align with your energy.
Isolation is temporary. Genuine effort attracts the right souls.
Loneliness doesn’t last when you live with purpose.
Do your work with truth and passion, and the universe will respond.
The right people, the ones who truly see you, will cross your path when you least expect it.
Authenticity is a magnet. It never fails to attract the right energy.
True connection begins with authenticity.
When you focus on your purpose and do your work with integrity, the right people will find you.
You won’t have to chase them, they will naturally align with your energy.
Isolation is temporary. Genuine effort attracts the right souls.
Loneliness doesn’t last when you live with purpose.
Do your work with truth and passion, and the universe will respond.
The right people, the ones who truly see you, will cross your path when you least expect it.
Authenticity is a magnet. It never fails to attract the right energy.
Procrastination isn’t about laziness—it’s about fear of judgment.
The science of avoidance: why we delay
A fascinating study showed that when students were given a simple puzzle, their reaction changed based on how it was framed:
When told it was “just for fun,” they started immediately.
When told it was an intelligence test, they delayed.
Why? Because procrastination isn’t about laziness—it’s about fear of judgment. When we perceive a task as a measure of our ability, we hesitate. The pressure to perform perfectly can be paralysing, leading to avoidance instead of action.
Reframe challenging tasks as experiments rather than tests of competence. Shifting from “this must be perfect” to “let’s see how this goes” can eliminate the fear that causes procrastination
Frames are functionally how you’ve agreed (either with yourself or with another person) to operate in society.
The best gift you can give both someone else and yourself is often a good frame, evidence that you are reliable and consistent over a long period of time.
Discipline is a frame.
The best gift you can give both someone else and yourself is often a good frame, evidence that you are reliable and consistent over a long period of time.
Discipline is a frame.
Forwarded from et/acc
Friendships that work out and don't workout in the long run
- mental health issues from either side (anger issues, impulsive decisions, an inflated ego, inability to appreciate anything in life.)
- lack of personal responsibility from either side (financially reckless, lack of self-awareness to maintain healthy habits, refusal to acknowledge that their actions have consequences, and that you attract who you are.)
- not caring enough from either side (no one is going to chase you if you never have time for them.)
- too much physical distance and no long-term common goal (at the end of the day, people write their best stories with those they live around.)
- too much difference in terms of ambitions (driven people want to hang out with those they can grow together with, people who want an average life feel insecure around more driven people, and often end up coming up with random reasons to accuse the more successful person of “arrogance” or “obsessed with achievements,” etc.)
——————//——————
- both sides have their personal lives in order (healthy lifestyle, healthy relationship with family, clear personal goals, financially responsible, seeking to learn and improve who they are with humility.)
- both sides genuinely wish the best for the other side, because they are already content with their current lives, and understand that happiness isn’t a zero-sum game.
- both sides are genuinely curious about each other, and that makes every conversation thrilling, as they keep discovering new layers in each other’s mind.
- both sides have the maturity to not be too quick to judge, they know life happens, that there are ups and downs, they offer help where they can and expect nothing in return.
- both sides understand that people with whom you can build an instant, deep connection, are actually very rare, and they tend to be very loyal and committed once they have found someone worth keeping in their lives.
Ultimately, in the long run, our decisions shape who we become, and we all attract the people we deserve, whether we like it or not.
Dunbar’s number.
While reading Robin Dunbar’s recent book, “Friends.” the author’ says that the maximum number of meaningful relationships most people can have is somewhere around 150.
Dunbar argues that it’s a matter of cognitive capacity. The average human mind can maintain about 150 stable relationships at any given moment. These 150 friends are the people you invite to your big events — the people you feel comfortably altruistic toward.
Note: Cultivate Intentional 150
Friendships that don’t work out in the long run:
- mental health issues from either side (anger issues, impulsive decisions, an inflated ego, inability to appreciate anything in life.)
- lack of personal responsibility from either side (financially reckless, lack of self-awareness to maintain healthy habits, refusal to acknowledge that their actions have consequences, and that you attract who you are.)
- not caring enough from either side (no one is going to chase you if you never have time for them.)
- too much physical distance and no long-term common goal (at the end of the day, people write their best stories with those they live around.)
- too much difference in terms of ambitions (driven people want to hang out with those they can grow together with, people who want an average life feel insecure around more driven people, and often end up coming up with random reasons to accuse the more successful person of “arrogance” or “obsessed with achievements,” etc.)
——————//——————
Friendships that work out in the long run:
- both sides have their personal lives in order (healthy lifestyle, healthy relationship with family, clear personal goals, financially responsible, seeking to learn and improve who they are with humility.)
- both sides genuinely wish the best for the other side, because they are already content with their current lives, and understand that happiness isn’t a zero-sum game.
- both sides are genuinely curious about each other, and that makes every conversation thrilling, as they keep discovering new layers in each other’s mind.
- both sides have the maturity to not be too quick to judge, they know life happens, that there are ups and downs, they offer help where they can and expect nothing in return.
- both sides understand that people with whom you can build an instant, deep connection, are actually very rare, and they tend to be very loyal and committed once they have found someone worth keeping in their lives.
Ultimately, in the long run, our decisions shape who we become, and we all attract the people we deserve, whether we like it or not.
Dunbar’s number.
While reading Robin Dunbar’s recent book, “Friends.” the author’ says that the maximum number of meaningful relationships most people can have is somewhere around 150.
Dunbar argues that it’s a matter of cognitive capacity. The average human mind can maintain about 150 stable relationships at any given moment. These 150 friends are the people you invite to your big events — the people you feel comfortably altruistic toward.
Note: Cultivate Intentional 150
The Synthesis Frame.
Synthesis is the key skill now.
Coz Synthesis helps filter noise and focus on what matters.
Synthesis is the key skill now.
Coz Synthesis helps filter noise and focus on what matters.
Career progression is all about delivering on projects that grow in scale, complexity, and responsibility. And the #1 way to get those projects is to put pressure on your boss to come up with more work for you.
Assuming these projects align with where you want to go. You also may get to pick up all the slack from coworkers who didn't deliver. The assumption here is that you're on a good team that's solving a problem that aligns with your goals.
Assuming these projects align with where you want to go. You also may get to pick up all the slack from coworkers who didn't deliver. The assumption here is that you're on a good team that's solving a problem that aligns with your goals.
Usual Frame: I fail at 90 percent of the things I try.
Reframe: I only need to succeed 10 percent of the time.
Usual Frame: Manage your time.
Reframe: Manage your energy.
Usual Frame: I need to come up with a good idea.
Reframe: I need to release all my bad ideas as quickly as possible.
Usual Frame: Success requires setting goals.
Reframe: Systems are better than goals.
Usual Frame: The effort is so big and daunting I can’t even start. Reframe: What’s the smallest thing I can do that moves me in the right direction?
Usual Frame: I can’t think of anything good to write.
Reframe 3: I can write something bad and fix it.
Usual Frame: Find yourself.
Reframe: Author yourself.
Usual Frame: I have nothing to do. I am just standing here.
Reframe: Perfect time to practice proper breathing and posture.
Usual Frame: Alcohol is a beverage.
Reframe: Alcohol is poison.
Usual Frame: Your job is what your boss tells you it is. Reframe: Your job is to get a better job.
Usual Frame: Another problem! Why me???
Reframe: Ooh, a new puzzle to solve.
Usual Frame: It takes money to make money.
Reframe: I can turn energy into money.
Usual Frame: Don’t give something for nothing.
Reframe: Giving triggers reciprocity (on average).
Usual Frame: Luck is random and can’t be managed.
Reframe: You can go where there is more luck (more energy).
Usual Frame: I feel like an impostor at my job.
Reframe: Everyone is an impostor.
Usual Frame: Your mood is determined by your internal thoughts. Reframe: You can improve your mood by completing meaningful tasks.
Usual Frame: I have writer’s block.
Reframe 2: I’m trying to write at the wrong time of day.
Usual Frame: Some people are good, and some are not.
Reframe: We’re all flawed, and we’re all good at different things.
Usual Frame: I hate someone who deserves it.
Reframe: Hate is nothing but punishing myself for the misdeeds of others.
Usual Frame: I worry something will go wrong.
Reframe: I’m curious what will happen.
Usual Frame: Worry about all potential bad outcomes.
Reframe: Control the heck out of things you can control. Accept all outcomes.
Usual Frame: I am in pain.
Reframe: I am in pain for a minute.
Usual Frame: You are the center of your universe and the highest priority.
Reframe: Viewed from space, everything looks small, including your problems
Usual Frame: You need to stop thinking negative thoughts.
Reframe: You can’t subtract negative thoughts. But you can crowd them out.
Usual Frame: I’m afraid to do the thing I know I should do.
Reframe: Life is short.
Usual Frame: No one wants to talk to me. I’m boring.
Reframe: Everyone enjoys talking to people who show interest in them.
Usual Frame: People judge me, so I feel bad when I mess up.
Reframe: People only care about themselves. They don’t care what dumb thing I did recently, even if they mention it.
Usual Frame: Stress comes with the job.
Reframe: Reducing stress IS your job.
Usual Frame: Learn to love yourself as you are.
Reframe: Be glad your brain is pestering you to improve.
Usual Frame: I am crying because my relationship ended.
Reframe: Don’t cry because it is over, smile because it happened.
Usual Frame: I deserve to be treated well by others.
Reframe: You get what you give, on average. No one deserves anything.
Usual Frame: Be yourself.
Reframe: Become a better version of yourself.
Reframe: I only need to succeed 10 percent of the time.
Usual Frame: Manage your time.
Reframe: Manage your energy.
Usual Frame: I need to come up with a good idea.
Reframe: I need to release all my bad ideas as quickly as possible.
Usual Frame: Success requires setting goals.
Reframe: Systems are better than goals.
Usual Frame: The effort is so big and daunting I can’t even start. Reframe: What’s the smallest thing I can do that moves me in the right direction?
Usual Frame: I can’t think of anything good to write.
Reframe 3: I can write something bad and fix it.
Usual Frame: Find yourself.
Reframe: Author yourself.
Usual Frame: I have nothing to do. I am just standing here.
Reframe: Perfect time to practice proper breathing and posture.
Usual Frame: Alcohol is a beverage.
Reframe: Alcohol is poison.
Usual Frame: Your job is what your boss tells you it is. Reframe: Your job is to get a better job.
Usual Frame: Another problem! Why me???
Reframe: Ooh, a new puzzle to solve.
Usual Frame: It takes money to make money.
Reframe: I can turn energy into money.
Usual Frame: Don’t give something for nothing.
Reframe: Giving triggers reciprocity (on average).
Usual Frame: Luck is random and can’t be managed.
Reframe: You can go where there is more luck (more energy).
Usual Frame: I feel like an impostor at my job.
Reframe: Everyone is an impostor.
Usual Frame: Your mood is determined by your internal thoughts. Reframe: You can improve your mood by completing meaningful tasks.
Usual Frame: I have writer’s block.
Reframe 2: I’m trying to write at the wrong time of day.
Usual Frame: Some people are good, and some are not.
Reframe: We’re all flawed, and we’re all good at different things.
Usual Frame: I hate someone who deserves it.
Reframe: Hate is nothing but punishing myself for the misdeeds of others.
Usual Frame: I worry something will go wrong.
Reframe: I’m curious what will happen.
Usual Frame: Worry about all potential bad outcomes.
Reframe: Control the heck out of things you can control. Accept all outcomes.
Usual Frame: I am in pain.
Reframe: I am in pain for a minute.
Usual Frame: You are the center of your universe and the highest priority.
Reframe: Viewed from space, everything looks small, including your problems
Usual Frame: You need to stop thinking negative thoughts.
Reframe: You can’t subtract negative thoughts. But you can crowd them out.
Usual Frame: I’m afraid to do the thing I know I should do.
Reframe: Life is short.
Usual Frame: No one wants to talk to me. I’m boring.
Reframe: Everyone enjoys talking to people who show interest in them.
Usual Frame: People judge me, so I feel bad when I mess up.
Reframe: People only care about themselves. They don’t care what dumb thing I did recently, even if they mention it.
Usual Frame: Stress comes with the job.
Reframe: Reducing stress IS your job.
Usual Frame: Learn to love yourself as you are.
Reframe: Be glad your brain is pestering you to improve.
Usual Frame: I am crying because my relationship ended.
Reframe: Don’t cry because it is over, smile because it happened.
Usual Frame: I deserve to be treated well by others.
Reframe: You get what you give, on average. No one deserves anything.
Usual Frame: Be yourself.
Reframe: Become a better version of yourself.
Framing "𝗙𝗶𝗿𝘀𝘁 𝗣𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗰𝗶𝗽𝗹𝗲𝘀 𝗧𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗴" & "𝗣𝗮𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗻 𝗥𝗲𝗰𝗼𝗴𝗻𝗶𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻".
𝗙𝗶𝗿𝘀𝘁 𝗣𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗰𝗶𝗽𝗹𝗲𝘀 𝗧𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗴 - Reasoning from the most fundamental truths, when you break a problem down to its core drivers, and build conclusions from the ground up. Useful in eliminating pre-conceived biases and filters.
𝗣𝗮𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗻 𝗥𝗲𝗰𝗼𝗴𝗻𝗶𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 - The process of spotting familiar patterns, trends, or cues from the past to form an opinion on something. Draws on prior experience, intuition or heuristics to project into the future.
𝗙𝗶𝗿𝘀𝘁 𝗣𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗰𝗶𝗽𝗹𝗲𝘀 𝗧𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗴 - Reasoning from the most fundamental truths, when you break a problem down to its core drivers, and build conclusions from the ground up. Useful in eliminating pre-conceived biases and filters.
𝗣𝗮𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗻 𝗥𝗲𝗰𝗼𝗴𝗻𝗶𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 - The process of spotting familiar patterns, trends, or cues from the past to form an opinion on something. Draws on prior experience, intuition or heuristics to project into the future.