The importance of Birr Al-Walideyn (goodness towards ones parents).
One of my uncles from my mothers side, the youngest of three brothers. The way he was able to perform Hajj although not in a position neither economically or otherwise is a beautiful story.
He told me this back in 2008 when I visited him in Iraq.
My grandfather fell ill with parkinsons and alzheimer, so he was in bed with no ability to move, talk or memory. He was in this state for about a decade before he passed away.
My mothers side of the family, all her brothers and sisters are very highly educated in various fields. (Engineers, biomedecin, chemists, pharmacist, teachers).
When my grandfather fell ill, my uncle was the only brother left in Iraq and while being in university, he had to drop out of school and "sacrifice his future", to take care of his father.
He took care of him for a decade, feeding him, washing him, clothing him, even carrying him to the bathroom and cleaning him, day in and day out. Not for a day or two but a decade.
He had this immense desire to perform Hajj but was unable too because of the situation.
When my grandfather passed away, my uncle did not let anyone touch him but he washed him himself, he clothed him in the shroud and buried him with his own hands.
I don't remember how many days after, but he saw himself in a dream..
In the dream he was doing Tawwaf around the Ka'baa while Abu bakr (radhiAllahu 'anhu) was holding his left hand and The Messenger of Allah (sallAllaahu 'aleyhi wa sallam) was holding his right hand.
The thing is, in Iraq it doesn't suffice to afford Hajj but there's limited seats so you have to have your name drawn from a list.
After this dream, he was encouraged to sell his older car, put his name in the list and put his trust in Allah.
They say he was the last or one of the last to make the deadline but his name was drawn first.
And that is the story of how Allah granted him his desire.
Goodness to parents is a key to many unlocked doors, and the wise who wants closeness to Allah should go through this door.
One of my uncles from my mothers side, the youngest of three brothers. The way he was able to perform Hajj although not in a position neither economically or otherwise is a beautiful story.
He told me this back in 2008 when I visited him in Iraq.
My grandfather fell ill with parkinsons and alzheimer, so he was in bed with no ability to move, talk or memory. He was in this state for about a decade before he passed away.
My mothers side of the family, all her brothers and sisters are very highly educated in various fields. (Engineers, biomedecin, chemists, pharmacist, teachers).
When my grandfather fell ill, my uncle was the only brother left in Iraq and while being in university, he had to drop out of school and "sacrifice his future", to take care of his father.
He took care of him for a decade, feeding him, washing him, clothing him, even carrying him to the bathroom and cleaning him, day in and day out. Not for a day or two but a decade.
He had this immense desire to perform Hajj but was unable too because of the situation.
When my grandfather passed away, my uncle did not let anyone touch him but he washed him himself, he clothed him in the shroud and buried him with his own hands.
I don't remember how many days after, but he saw himself in a dream..
In the dream he was doing Tawwaf around the Ka'baa while Abu bakr (radhiAllahu 'anhu) was holding his left hand and The Messenger of Allah (sallAllaahu 'aleyhi wa sallam) was holding his right hand.
The thing is, in Iraq it doesn't suffice to afford Hajj but there's limited seats so you have to have your name drawn from a list.
After this dream, he was encouraged to sell his older car, put his name in the list and put his trust in Allah.
They say he was the last or one of the last to make the deadline but his name was drawn first.
And that is the story of how Allah granted him his desire.
Goodness to parents is a key to many unlocked doors, and the wise who wants closeness to Allah should go through this door.
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Parents, the way you raise your child doesn't only affect your child-- it deeply affects your child now, the adult your child grows to be, the spouse your child later marries, the children your child eventually has, the generations thereafter, and all of society.
Childrearing isn't a light matter.
Think long and hard about the way you are raising your child, and put your best effort, thought, and energy into the tarbiya of your child.
The results of your actions will either help a lot of people, or hurt a lot of people.
Parents, take parenting seriously.
Childrearing isn't a light matter.
Think long and hard about the way you are raising your child, and put your best effort, thought, and energy into the tarbiya of your child.
The results of your actions will either help a lot of people, or hurt a lot of people.
Parents, take parenting seriously.
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Muslim Children Tips
Photo
Our loved ones never leave us. They live in the way we speak, the choices we make & how we extend ourselves to others.
We honour them each & every
day when life continues for us, after they've passed.
We are shown constantly how time bears no weighting
for a heart which loves 🫀
My father is no more but I still think of my dear father every single day. At first, the loss of him felt like an unavoidable deep, black hole.
But over time, I learnt to love him even more & came to recognise how we'd always, always be connected.
My father was a sincere man with a heart of gold, who taught me a lifetime of lessons.And I honour him in each and every action I partake in and every word I speak. I honour him when I say Yes to goodness.
We never 'forget' or 'get over' these very cherishable
people whom we've lost, but over time our hearts learn
how to accommodate their loss & we extend ourselves
outwards in honour of them. We turn grief into love,
kindness, purpose & neverending compassion towards both ourselves & others. 🫀
We remember them in our love, our lives, our hearts and our depths each and every day 🫀🥺
We honour them each & every
day when life continues for us, after they've passed.
We are shown constantly how time bears no weighting
for a heart which loves 🫀
My father is no more but I still think of my dear father every single day. At first, the loss of him felt like an unavoidable deep, black hole.
But over time, I learnt to love him even more & came to recognise how we'd always, always be connected.
My father was a sincere man with a heart of gold, who taught me a lifetime of lessons.And I honour him in each and every action I partake in and every word I speak. I honour him when I say Yes to goodness.
We never 'forget' or 'get over' these very cherishable
people whom we've lost, but over time our hearts learn
how to accommodate their loss & we extend ourselves
outwards in honour of them. We turn grief into love,
kindness, purpose & neverending compassion towards both ourselves & others. 🫀
We remember them in our love, our lives, our hearts and our depths each and every day 🫀🥺
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Many children are neglected after separation with little supervision, nurturing, support, or protection. The roles of the each parent are innate and common sensical, yet such basic sense is increasingly uncommon. This leaves our precious young ones vulnerable inside and outside of their homes. The household is often a group of familiar strangers.
A vessel only gives what it holds and it’s no wonder that the up and coming generation is ill prepared for adulthood, marriage or parenthood.
Neglect is often more detrimental than abuse because neglect is parental inattention/apathy while abuse is negative attention. Don’t pass down generational dysfunctional to future generations.
Islamic custody laws shine a bright light on the individual responsibilities of the mother and father whether still married or separated. These rights are all the more crucial after divorce.
Learn the rights of Muslim children, then educate, implement, & enforce.
A vessel only gives what it holds and it’s no wonder that the up and coming generation is ill prepared for adulthood, marriage or parenthood.
Neglect is often more detrimental than abuse because neglect is parental inattention/apathy while abuse is negative attention. Don’t pass down generational dysfunctional to future generations.
Islamic custody laws shine a bright light on the individual responsibilities of the mother and father whether still married or separated. These rights are all the more crucial after divorce.
Learn the rights of Muslim children, then educate, implement, & enforce.
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Imam Maalik's daughter vs his son.
Our brother Dhun nun Dafanti commented:
Imam Malik was tested with a son
who turned out to be other than what Malik intended to make him. His son chose dunya over Deen.
Maliks daughter however memorized the Muwatta and helped teach it to Malik's students.
Malik said:
"Hearts are in the hands of Allah. Look at my daughter, and then go look at my son." (end quote by brother Dafanti)
The daughter of Imam Maalik rectifies errors made by male students of Imam Maalik, and Imam Maalik places complete trust in her.
Ibn al Haaj said:
" وكذلك ما روي عن الإمام مالك رحمه الله حين كان يقرأ عليه " الموطأ " فإن لحن القارئ في حرف أو زاد أو نقص تدق ابنته الباب ، فيقول أبوها للقارئ : ارجع فالغلط معك ، فيرجع القارئ فيجد الغلط "
Similarly, it was narrated from Imam Maalik (may Allah have mercy on him) that when the Muwatta’ was read to him, if the student made a mistake in the pronunciation, or added or omitted something, his daughter would knock on the door, and her father would say to the student: Go back and check, for you have made a mistake. And the student would go back and find the mistake.
Al-Madkhal by Ibn al-Haaj (1/215, Islamqa).
Our brother Dhun nun Dafanti commented:
Imam Malik was tested with a son
who turned out to be other than what Malik intended to make him. His son chose dunya over Deen.
Maliks daughter however memorized the Muwatta and helped teach it to Malik's students.
Malik said:
"Hearts are in the hands of Allah. Look at my daughter, and then go look at my son." (end quote by brother Dafanti)
The daughter of Imam Maalik rectifies errors made by male students of Imam Maalik, and Imam Maalik places complete trust in her.
Ibn al Haaj said:
" وكذلك ما روي عن الإمام مالك رحمه الله حين كان يقرأ عليه " الموطأ " فإن لحن القارئ في حرف أو زاد أو نقص تدق ابنته الباب ، فيقول أبوها للقارئ : ارجع فالغلط معك ، فيرجع القارئ فيجد الغلط "
Similarly, it was narrated from Imam Maalik (may Allah have mercy on him) that when the Muwatta’ was read to him, if the student made a mistake in the pronunciation, or added or omitted something, his daughter would knock on the door, and her father would say to the student: Go back and check, for you have made a mistake. And the student would go back and find the mistake.
Al-Madkhal by Ibn al-Haaj (1/215, Islamqa).
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Dear parents,
Stop badmouthing your in-laws in front of your children.
Stop creating unnecessary generational animosity between your kids and their grandparents.
If you have a problem with your mother-in-law, deal with it and don't turn their grandchildren against them.
May Allah grant us wisdom.
OK. Bye.
Stop badmouthing your in-laws in front of your children.
Stop creating unnecessary generational animosity between your kids and their grandparents.
If you have a problem with your mother-in-law, deal with it and don't turn their grandchildren against them.
May Allah grant us wisdom.
OK. Bye.
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7 Tips for Raising Less Spoiled Kids
Many kids (and adults) today are spoiled and ennoscriptd. And it's often because of their parents.
Parents, the more your kids do for themselves, the more self-assured and confident they become. The older kids get, the more room they need for some independence from parents. Prepare your kids for life without you; don't train them to depend on you indefinitely.
Sometimes parents confuse coddling with love.
Such parents do everything for their kids out of a desperate desire to show their love for the kids. They spoil their children and baby them well into adulthood, mistaking this pampering behavior for the "unconditional love" that every child needs.
Far from it.
This isn't love; this is unhealthy coddling.
And it sets the child up for a lifetime of difficulty, disappointment, and depression.
Kids who grow up doing nothing for themselves or doing nothing hard or challenging don't learn much.
They live life on artificial easy mode, because they sit like pampered kings while their parent scurries around working and over-working, giving and over-giving, providing and over-providing.
Such kids never see the consequences of their own actions because the parents are always bailing them out. Such kids never learn the reality of the world because the parents always shield them from the natural results of their decisions. Such kids never develop any discipline because the parents never teach it, never put forth any punishment for misdeeds, never instill self-control in the child. Even Islam feels hard and burdensome to these people as adults, because the parents never woke them to pray fajr ("Oh, it's way too early and my teenager needs sleep!") or let them fast during Ramadan ("Oh no, my child needs to eat three meals a day and fasting is way too hard!!").
So this child learns to expect instant gratification, expects that every whim and wish of theirs should be immediately granted, and becomes weak and whiny.
Having all difficulty erased from their life by the coddling parent, these kids stay as incompetent and as helpless as a baby because they've never had to do anything for themselves. They never learned how to do chores or how to take care of themselves or how to acquire basic life skills. This creates a generalized anxiety and a sense of uncertainty and insecurity in the child. The coddled child knows on some level that, if the lifesavers were ever removed, he would instantly drown.
Having everything handed to them on a silver platter makes these people ennoscriptd takers with little self-awareness or awareness of the rights of others.
Having never faced any consequences of their own actions, this person becomes insensitive and callous and somewhat delusional.
Normal people dislike being around this spoiled ennoscriptd taker, and this realization makes the spoiled child insecure, anxious, and riddled with self-doubt. Not everyone is like their parent who "loves" them by catering to their every whim. It comes as a shock.
Much to the chagrin and surprise of the spoiled child, the real world has demands, expectations, standards, and rules that cannot be broken. There are actual skills that must be acquired and lessons that must be learned. Competence in certain areas must be gained. Failure to achieve is swiftly punished with negative results. Actions have consequences. Life is about choices and tradeoffs, and you can't have everything.
And all the skills the child never learned with the coddling parent (responsibility, discipline, self-control, empathy, resilience, hard work), the child now scrambles frantically to learn on the spot as an unprepared adult. It's usually a nightmare. Things like holding down a job or staying married or being a parent become almost impossible.
So, parents, prepare your children from the beginning for real life. You are not doing your kids any favors by being too lenient, too soft, too easy. You're not helping your kids by doing everything for them.
Here are 7 suggestions for solutions:
1. Chores and Work:
Many kids (and adults) today are spoiled and ennoscriptd. And it's often because of their parents.
Parents, the more your kids do for themselves, the more self-assured and confident they become. The older kids get, the more room they need for some independence from parents. Prepare your kids for life without you; don't train them to depend on you indefinitely.
Sometimes parents confuse coddling with love.
Such parents do everything for their kids out of a desperate desire to show their love for the kids. They spoil their children and baby them well into adulthood, mistaking this pampering behavior for the "unconditional love" that every child needs.
Far from it.
This isn't love; this is unhealthy coddling.
And it sets the child up for a lifetime of difficulty, disappointment, and depression.
Kids who grow up doing nothing for themselves or doing nothing hard or challenging don't learn much.
They live life on artificial easy mode, because they sit like pampered kings while their parent scurries around working and over-working, giving and over-giving, providing and over-providing.
Such kids never see the consequences of their own actions because the parents are always bailing them out. Such kids never learn the reality of the world because the parents always shield them from the natural results of their decisions. Such kids never develop any discipline because the parents never teach it, never put forth any punishment for misdeeds, never instill self-control in the child. Even Islam feels hard and burdensome to these people as adults, because the parents never woke them to pray fajr ("Oh, it's way too early and my teenager needs sleep!") or let them fast during Ramadan ("Oh no, my child needs to eat three meals a day and fasting is way too hard!!").
So this child learns to expect instant gratification, expects that every whim and wish of theirs should be immediately granted, and becomes weak and whiny.
Having all difficulty erased from their life by the coddling parent, these kids stay as incompetent and as helpless as a baby because they've never had to do anything for themselves. They never learned how to do chores or how to take care of themselves or how to acquire basic life skills. This creates a generalized anxiety and a sense of uncertainty and insecurity in the child. The coddled child knows on some level that, if the lifesavers were ever removed, he would instantly drown.
Having everything handed to them on a silver platter makes these people ennoscriptd takers with little self-awareness or awareness of the rights of others.
Having never faced any consequences of their own actions, this person becomes insensitive and callous and somewhat delusional.
Normal people dislike being around this spoiled ennoscriptd taker, and this realization makes the spoiled child insecure, anxious, and riddled with self-doubt. Not everyone is like their parent who "loves" them by catering to their every whim. It comes as a shock.
Much to the chagrin and surprise of the spoiled child, the real world has demands, expectations, standards, and rules that cannot be broken. There are actual skills that must be acquired and lessons that must be learned. Competence in certain areas must be gained. Failure to achieve is swiftly punished with negative results. Actions have consequences. Life is about choices and tradeoffs, and you can't have everything.
And all the skills the child never learned with the coddling parent (responsibility, discipline, self-control, empathy, resilience, hard work), the child now scrambles frantically to learn on the spot as an unprepared adult. It's usually a nightmare. Things like holding down a job or staying married or being a parent become almost impossible.
So, parents, prepare your children from the beginning for real life. You are not doing your kids any favors by being too lenient, too soft, too easy. You're not helping your kids by doing everything for them.
Here are 7 suggestions for solutions:
1. Chores and Work:
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Have your kids do age-appropriate chores around the house from a young age: pick up their toys, make their bed, wash dishes, clear the table, clean the livingroom, tidy their room, fold or hang up their clothes neatly. This is the beginning of personal responsibility and training in healthy obedience to parents. The more work your child does, the more skill and competence he gains, and the more self-confidence he naturally develops.
2. Life Skills:
Teach your kids basic life skills: the basics of cooking, kitchen safety, basic cleaning so they are able to clean up after themselves, good hygiene, laundry, the basics of how real-life processes work, like car bare-bones maintenance, defensive driving, financial literacy and saving/ spending/ money management, taxes, jobs, etc. The older the kids get, the more they need to know and do. This will also differ by the gender of your child. But there are basic essentials that everyone must know.
3. Practice Islam:
Enforce Islamic injunctions at the right time, as it teaches important skills: start training the children in salah at the age of seven, and by the age of ten, they should be praying all 5 prayers daily on time. This alone, the importance of salah, instills in children so many critical traits: consistency, discipline, respect, punctuality, awareness of time and time management, planning ahead (when and where will I pray dhuhr if I leave the house for this errand now?), self-control (I need to stop playing this fun game as soon as I hear the Adhan for salah), and delayed gratification (I must wait to do this thing I want to do because first I have to pray), etc.
4. Have Consequences:
Give appropriate consequences for actions; natural consequences teach the child how life works. Removing reality doesn't help your child. Giving punishments, allowing natural consequences, and setting limits doesn't mean you don't love your child. If your child misbehaves purposely or deliberately disobey the rules, there must be consequences. This instills a healthy understanding of hierarchy, obedience to legitimate authority, and a respect for authority. The child also learns responsibility, restraint, and self-control.
5. Relations with People:
Teach your child about relationships and how to deal with people: a relationship is a set of rights and responsibilities. One person's rights are the other person's responsibilities and vice versa. Relationships are a two-way street and do not go only one way. You have to both give and take; you cannot only take without giving. Islam teaches us about manners and etiquette and social graces: greeting people with salam, smiling in the face of your brother as a charity, helping the needy, staying out of other people's private business, knocking before you enter a room, not backbiting or gossiping, being truthful, gender roles, etc.
6. Allow Boredom:
Let your kids be bored. don't constantly feel obliged to entertain your kids. Allowing them boredom gives them the opportunity for creativity and imagination and thinking outside the box.
7. Teach gratitude:
Both gratitude to Allah and to people. Teach your kids to recognize every blessing as coming from Allah; Allah is the Source of all good. Saying "Alhamdulillah" is life-changing, and it even increases our blessings:
لَئِن شَكَرْتُمْ لَأَزِيدَنَّكُمْ
"If you are thankful, I will increase you." (Surat Ibrahim, 7).
After we thank Allah, we also must thank people who help us, as the hadith teaches us:
يقول النبي ﷺ : من لا يشكر الناس لا يشكر الله.
"He who doesn't thank people doesn't thank Allah."
May Allah help us raise strong, capable, righteous believers for His sake, ameen!
2. Life Skills:
Teach your kids basic life skills: the basics of cooking, kitchen safety, basic cleaning so they are able to clean up after themselves, good hygiene, laundry, the basics of how real-life processes work, like car bare-bones maintenance, defensive driving, financial literacy and saving/ spending/ money management, taxes, jobs, etc. The older the kids get, the more they need to know and do. This will also differ by the gender of your child. But there are basic essentials that everyone must know.
3. Practice Islam:
Enforce Islamic injunctions at the right time, as it teaches important skills: start training the children in salah at the age of seven, and by the age of ten, they should be praying all 5 prayers daily on time. This alone, the importance of salah, instills in children so many critical traits: consistency, discipline, respect, punctuality, awareness of time and time management, planning ahead (when and where will I pray dhuhr if I leave the house for this errand now?), self-control (I need to stop playing this fun game as soon as I hear the Adhan for salah), and delayed gratification (I must wait to do this thing I want to do because first I have to pray), etc.
4. Have Consequences:
Give appropriate consequences for actions; natural consequences teach the child how life works. Removing reality doesn't help your child. Giving punishments, allowing natural consequences, and setting limits doesn't mean you don't love your child. If your child misbehaves purposely or deliberately disobey the rules, there must be consequences. This instills a healthy understanding of hierarchy, obedience to legitimate authority, and a respect for authority. The child also learns responsibility, restraint, and self-control.
5. Relations with People:
Teach your child about relationships and how to deal with people: a relationship is a set of rights and responsibilities. One person's rights are the other person's responsibilities and vice versa. Relationships are a two-way street and do not go only one way. You have to both give and take; you cannot only take without giving. Islam teaches us about manners and etiquette and social graces: greeting people with salam, smiling in the face of your brother as a charity, helping the needy, staying out of other people's private business, knocking before you enter a room, not backbiting or gossiping, being truthful, gender roles, etc.
6. Allow Boredom:
Let your kids be bored. don't constantly feel obliged to entertain your kids. Allowing them boredom gives them the opportunity for creativity and imagination and thinking outside the box.
7. Teach gratitude:
Both gratitude to Allah and to people. Teach your kids to recognize every blessing as coming from Allah; Allah is the Source of all good. Saying "Alhamdulillah" is life-changing, and it even increases our blessings:
لَئِن شَكَرْتُمْ لَأَزِيدَنَّكُمْ
"If you are thankful, I will increase you." (Surat Ibrahim, 7).
After we thank Allah, we also must thank people who help us, as the hadith teaches us:
يقول النبي ﷺ : من لا يشكر الناس لا يشكر الله.
"He who doesn't thank people doesn't thank Allah."
May Allah help us raise strong, capable, righteous believers for His sake, ameen!
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[Mercy Towards Children]:
al-Imaam as-S’adee, may Allah have mercy on him, said:
Showing mercy towards children, being gentle towards them, and doing things to make them happy are all forms of mercy.
Just as not paying them any attention and a lack of gentleness are forms of roughness, sternness, and cruelty.
An example of this is when some rough bedouins saw the Prophet (ﷺ) and his Companions kissing their small children, one of the bedouins said:
I have ten children; I have not kissed any of them.
The Prophet (ﷺ) said:
Am I able to do anything for you, if Allah has removed mercy from your heart?! [1]/[2]
_
[1]: Collected by al-Bukhaaree, #6279 and Muslim, #923.
[2]: See “Joy for the Hearts of the Righteous”, by Imaam as-S’adee, pg. 239.
al-Imaam as-S’adee, may Allah have mercy on him, said:
Showing mercy towards children, being gentle towards them, and doing things to make them happy are all forms of mercy.
Just as not paying them any attention and a lack of gentleness are forms of roughness, sternness, and cruelty.
An example of this is when some rough bedouins saw the Prophet (ﷺ) and his Companions kissing their small children, one of the bedouins said:
I have ten children; I have not kissed any of them.
The Prophet (ﷺ) said:
Am I able to do anything for you, if Allah has removed mercy from your heart?! [1]/[2]
_
[1]: Collected by al-Bukhaaree, #6279 and Muslim, #923.
[2]: See “Joy for the Hearts of the Righteous”, by Imaam as-S’adee, pg. 239.
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Teaching children the Halaal and Haraam at young age
Narrated Abu Huraira:
Al-Hasan bin `Ali took a date from the dates given in charity and put it in his mouth. The Prophet (ﷺ) said,
"Expel it from your mouth.
Don't you know that we do not eat a thing which is given in charity?" [al-Bukhari 1491]
Narrated Abu Huraira:
Al-Hasan bin `Ali took a date from the dates given in charity and put it in his mouth. The Prophet (ﷺ) said,
"Expel it from your mouth.
Don't you know that we do not eat a thing which is given in charity?" [al-Bukhari 1491]
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