Some notes regarding television
Research has found that children spend an average of three to four hours watching television each day. In a 65-year lifespan, that means s/he will have spent nine of those years in front of a box. With these statistics, we realize that children spend significant amounts of time in the fictional world, engaging with this virtual world often more than they do in the real world. It suddenly becomes worrisome when you begin to realize this fact and understand its implications. Television viewing is harmful to the intellectual, psychological, and social development of children. Even more frightening is that children may be harming their souls at a very young age; often never to recover their purity and wholesomeness again.
Dangers to intellectual, psychological, and social development
When a child is born, s/he possesses all of the brain cells (or neutrons) that s/he will have for his or her lifetime, although these cells are not yet fully developed. This progression occurs early in life though interaction with others, stimulation from the outside world, and love and care of a parent. Television has actually been found to be harmful for the process, not allowing the brain to complete its full development. This is because television viewing is a passive activity, not an active one. The American Academy of Pediatrics has itself provided a warning that children under two years of age should not be allowed to watch any television, primarily for this reason. Much of the development occurs early in childhood, but it does continue into adolescence, so this applies to children of all ages.
Nurturing Eeman in Children by Dr. Aisha Utz (formerly Hamdan); pg. 199
https://news.1rj.ru/str/MuslimChildrenTips
Research has found that children spend an average of three to four hours watching television each day. In a 65-year lifespan, that means s/he will have spent nine of those years in front of a box. With these statistics, we realize that children spend significant amounts of time in the fictional world, engaging with this virtual world often more than they do in the real world. It suddenly becomes worrisome when you begin to realize this fact and understand its implications. Television viewing is harmful to the intellectual, psychological, and social development of children. Even more frightening is that children may be harming their souls at a very young age; often never to recover their purity and wholesomeness again.
Dangers to intellectual, psychological, and social development
When a child is born, s/he possesses all of the brain cells (or neutrons) that s/he will have for his or her lifetime, although these cells are not yet fully developed. This progression occurs early in life though interaction with others, stimulation from the outside world, and love and care of a parent. Television has actually been found to be harmful for the process, not allowing the brain to complete its full development. This is because television viewing is a passive activity, not an active one. The American Academy of Pediatrics has itself provided a warning that children under two years of age should not be allowed to watch any television, primarily for this reason. Much of the development occurs early in childhood, but it does continue into adolescence, so this applies to children of all ages.
Nurturing Eeman in Children by Dr. Aisha Utz (formerly Hamdan); pg. 199
https://news.1rj.ru/str/MuslimChildrenTips
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Muslim Children Tips
"A woman should train her children properly, for her children represent the men and women of the future."
Shaykh Saalih ibn Uthaymeen (rahimahullaah)
from The Uprightness of a Woman.
Shaykh Saalih ibn Uthaymeen (rahimahullaah)
from The Uprightness of a Woman.
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The Father's Role in Selecting a Good Name for his Child
One of the first responsibilities of the father when he has a child is to give him or her a proper name. A good name has a nice meaning and bears dignity. The Prophet (ﷺ) urged us to give the newborn a good name and instructed us to avoid a bad name that might have an improper meaning [and reflect badly on the child].
Book: Reviving the Spirit of the Youth
By Shaykh Salih Al-Fawzan حفظه الله
The Father's Role in Selecting a Good Name for his Child
One of the first responsibilities of the father when he has a child is to give him or her a proper name. A good name has a nice meaning and bears dignity. The Prophet (ﷺ) urged us to give the newborn a good name and instructed us to avoid a bad name that might have an improper meaning [and reflect badly on the child].
Book: Reviving the Spirit of the Youth
By Shaykh Salih Al-Fawzan حفظه الله
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"Between you and Allāh is your prayer, and between you and people is your Akhlaq"
That's how we should raise our children.
That's how we should raise our children.
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For you my son!:
These rakaat (units of prayer) can save the future of one’s children!
For Abdullah ibn Masud used to pray during the night while his little son was sleeping, and he would look at him and say:
“For your sake, my son!”
And he would cry and recite His words, exalted and high:
وكان أبوهما صالحاً…
“And their father was a righteous man…”
(Quran 18:82)
These rakaat (units of prayer) can save the future of one’s children!
For Abdullah ibn Masud used to pray during the night while his little son was sleeping, and he would look at him and say:
“For your sake, my son!”
And he would cry and recite His words, exalted and high:
وكان أبوهما صالحاً…
“And their father was a righteous man…”
(Quran 18:82)
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A child who is obedient and on deen is a GIFT FROM ALLAH. Give gratitude where it's due. It's not your parenting. Many excellent and exemplary parents are tested with disobedient and harsh children. Children who have no rehma for their parents or guardians.
If your children are a coolness of your eyes - it's Allah's gift.
Alhumdulillah!
Reflect on the story of Nuh (aleyhi salaam). I don't want to undermine efforts of good Muslim parents but don't let the blessings of good children make you arrogant or judgy about someone else's parenting.
Majority of Muslim parents are trying their best.
And as Allah says, sometimes children are a test.
And know that your properties and your children are but a trial and that Allah has with Him a great reward.
{Surah Al-'Anfāl 8: Verse 28}
Parents who are being tested with children, don't blame yourself. Continue to guide with kindness, love and make dua. <3
If your children are a coolness of your eyes - it's Allah's gift.
Alhumdulillah!
Reflect on the story of Nuh (aleyhi salaam). I don't want to undermine efforts of good Muslim parents but don't let the blessings of good children make you arrogant or judgy about someone else's parenting.
Majority of Muslim parents are trying their best.
And as Allah says, sometimes children are a test.
And know that your properties and your children are but a trial and that Allah has with Him a great reward.
{Surah Al-'Anfāl 8: Verse 28}
Parents who are being tested with children, don't blame yourself. Continue to guide with kindness, love and make dua. <3
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Muslim Children Tips
Photo
Uphold the Rights of your Father not just on Father's Day but every day!
The Rights Of The Father Upon His Son
Shaykh Hammād Al-Ansārī رحمه الله narrated that Al-Layth Ibn Sa'ad رحمه الله said:
"The father has ten rights over his son:
1. When he needs food, he feeds him.
2. When he needs clothing, he clothes him if he is able to and this is some of the explanation of Allāh’s statement, 'Behave with them kindly in the world.' [31:15].
3. When one of his parents needs his service, he serves them.
4. When he calls him, he replies and attends to him.
5. When he commands him to do an affair, he obeys him as long as it is not an act of disobedience to Allāh or backbiting.
6. To speak with him with kind and lenient speech.
7. To not address him by his name.
8. To walk behind him.
9. To love for him what he loves for himself and dislike for him what he dislikes upon himself.
10. To supplicate for mercy for him.”
[Mukhtasar Al-Huqūq, pg.216-217. @MuSunnah]
The Rights Of The Father Upon His Son
Shaykh Hammād Al-Ansārī رحمه الله narrated that Al-Layth Ibn Sa'ad رحمه الله said:
"The father has ten rights over his son:
1. When he needs food, he feeds him.
2. When he needs clothing, he clothes him if he is able to and this is some of the explanation of Allāh’s statement, 'Behave with them kindly in the world.' [31:15].
3. When one of his parents needs his service, he serves them.
4. When he calls him, he replies and attends to him.
5. When he commands him to do an affair, he obeys him as long as it is not an act of disobedience to Allāh or backbiting.
6. To speak with him with kind and lenient speech.
7. To not address him by his name.
8. To walk behind him.
9. To love for him what he loves for himself and dislike for him what he dislikes upon himself.
10. To supplicate for mercy for him.”
[Mukhtasar Al-Huqūq, pg.216-217. @MuSunnah]
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TEN THINGS YOU MUST NOT DO WITH YOUR CHILD
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1. Screaming
Some say its worst than beating, and leaves one with long-term mental and emotional scars. Remember, the Prophet ﷺ never raised his voice on a child, women, a friend or otherwise.
2. Blaming
Blaming weakens relations, lowers self-esteem and prompts children to be on the defense, even when they haven’t done something wrong. Anas b. Malik, then a 10 year old child, said: “I served the Prophet ﷺ for nine years. He never said about anything I did, why I did that, or about anything I didn’t do, why didn’t you.”
3. Nonstop Orders
Orders and instructions, without without first convincing or persuading, turn the child into a robot and this is not healthy. When growing up, they blindly emulate and obey any authority, regardless of its values.
4. Threatening
Threatening is used because it’s a quick fix for resistance, but not a solution in the long run. Any attitude driven by [just] fear is hypocritical, and does not indicate real change.
5. Sarcasm
Making fun of a child is an unacceptable behavior in Islam: “O you who believe let not a group scoff at another group… “(49:11). Mocking a child hurts their sense of worth and self-esteem.
6. Cursing
Cursing teaches the child cursing, which he will use against others, including relatives, friends and parents. The hadith says: “A believer is never a defamer nor a curser nor coarse nor obscene.”
7. Comparing
Never compare your child to anyone, especially siblings. Comparing creates jealousy, anger and [puts them] on the defense.
8. Continuous Advising
The normal attention span is 3 to 5 minutes per year of a child’s age. Therefore, a 2-year-old should be able to concentrate on a particular task for at least 6 minutes, and a child entering kindergarten should be able to concentrate for at least 15 minutes. In the hadith “The Prophet used to take care of us by preaching during [some] days [and not others] fearing that we may get bored.”
9. Mistrust
Not giving the child the benefit of doubt weakens mutual trust, shuts frank communication and hurts self-confidence.
10. Beating
In most cases, beating a child is about parents venting anger than wisely and calmly wanting to improve a behavior. Beating, similar to a pain killer, is a temporary fix only for the parent, not a cure for the child. It creates trauma and a coward personality, which will continue to do bad things as long as “nobody is watching”.
Dr. Hesham Al-Awadi, author of "Children Around the Prophet: How Muhammad ﷺ Raised the Young Companions"
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1. Screaming
Some say its worst than beating, and leaves one with long-term mental and emotional scars. Remember, the Prophet ﷺ never raised his voice on a child, women, a friend or otherwise.
2. Blaming
Blaming weakens relations, lowers self-esteem and prompts children to be on the defense, even when they haven’t done something wrong. Anas b. Malik, then a 10 year old child, said: “I served the Prophet ﷺ for nine years. He never said about anything I did, why I did that, or about anything I didn’t do, why didn’t you.”
3. Nonstop Orders
Orders and instructions, without without first convincing or persuading, turn the child into a robot and this is not healthy. When growing up, they blindly emulate and obey any authority, regardless of its values.
4. Threatening
Threatening is used because it’s a quick fix for resistance, but not a solution in the long run. Any attitude driven by [just] fear is hypocritical, and does not indicate real change.
5. Sarcasm
Making fun of a child is an unacceptable behavior in Islam: “O you who believe let not a group scoff at another group… “(49:11). Mocking a child hurts their sense of worth and self-esteem.
6. Cursing
Cursing teaches the child cursing, which he will use against others, including relatives, friends and parents. The hadith says: “A believer is never a defamer nor a curser nor coarse nor obscene.”
7. Comparing
Never compare your child to anyone, especially siblings. Comparing creates jealousy, anger and [puts them] on the defense.
8. Continuous Advising
The normal attention span is 3 to 5 minutes per year of a child’s age. Therefore, a 2-year-old should be able to concentrate on a particular task for at least 6 minutes, and a child entering kindergarten should be able to concentrate for at least 15 minutes. In the hadith “The Prophet used to take care of us by preaching during [some] days [and not others] fearing that we may get bored.”
9. Mistrust
Not giving the child the benefit of doubt weakens mutual trust, shuts frank communication and hurts self-confidence.
10. Beating
In most cases, beating a child is about parents venting anger than wisely and calmly wanting to improve a behavior. Beating, similar to a pain killer, is a temporary fix only for the parent, not a cure for the child. It creates trauma and a coward personality, which will continue to do bad things as long as “nobody is watching”.
Dr. Hesham Al-Awadi, author of "Children Around the Prophet: How Muhammad ﷺ Raised the Young Companions"
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Some Muslim families will watch a movie full of shirk ,then tell the kids to close their eyes in a panic if a kissing scene comes
Yes Zina is bad ,you done correct to get them to turn away
However it's important to seek knowledge of your Deen most importantly Aqeedah
If you truly understood Tawheed and Shirk, you wouldn't let them watch such filth to begin with, because shirk is the worst sin ,yet most think it's ok to watch movies full of it
The same goes for education,everyone is checking books and the curriculum now to make sure the kids aren't being taught sexual stuff or the many colours ,I agree but you should be more vigilant in checking for disbelief and Shirk .
Many will pull the kids out of sex education lessons
Yet let them join in with Xmas
Like I said good that you're doing that ,but remember shirk /magic is more filthy and disgusting
May Allah guide and protect us all
Ameen
*I understand not everyone is in a situation to remove them from the learning these things at school,but we should be checking what they learn to talk the kids about it and refute it ,the energy we put in to protect them from the other filth ,we should be doing more than that for shirk ,most importantly by educating ourselves first and foremost
Yes Zina is bad ,you done correct to get them to turn away
However it's important to seek knowledge of your Deen most importantly Aqeedah
If you truly understood Tawheed and Shirk, you wouldn't let them watch such filth to begin with, because shirk is the worst sin ,yet most think it's ok to watch movies full of it
The same goes for education,everyone is checking books and the curriculum now to make sure the kids aren't being taught sexual stuff or the many colours ,I agree but you should be more vigilant in checking for disbelief and Shirk .
Many will pull the kids out of sex education lessons
Yet let them join in with Xmas
Like I said good that you're doing that ,but remember shirk /magic is more filthy and disgusting
May Allah guide and protect us all
Ameen
*I understand not everyone is in a situation to remove them from the learning these things at school,but we should be checking what they learn to talk the kids about it and refute it ,the energy we put in to protect them from the other filth ,we should be doing more than that for shirk ,most importantly by educating ourselves first and foremost
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Everyone Has Great Parents.
Indeed Very Less Parents has The Great Children.
So Brothers Be A great Son Who Behave Good For The Parents And Society Stops Himself From Bad..
Indeed Very Less Parents has The Great Children.
So Brothers Be A great Son Who Behave Good For The Parents And Society Stops Himself From Bad..
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As a father, you have to show your daughters positive attention. Girls are prone to seeking attention, and usually a girls hero is her father and the one she seeks attention from.
This is especially important in these times of fitahn. If you do not do that, there's a high probability that they will grow up with a feeling of emptiness, seeking attention from other [wrong] men and end up emotionally [and even physically] abused, as well as looking for the wrong type of attention.
As a father, you are your daughters whole world, she will likely seek in a future husband what she saw in you, so be careful and be vigilant in showing her how a man is supposed to be. Your actions are like the rings formed in water when throwing stone pebbles, they might seem insignificant, but they will have an impact on future generations even after you, when it's her time to raise your grandchildren and they in turn raise their children.
Jabir ibn Abdullah reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Whoever has three daughters and he cares for them, he is merciful to them, and he clothes them, then Paradise is certainly required for him.” It was said, “O Messenger of Allah, what if he has only two?” The Prophet said, “Even two.” Some people thought that if they had said to him one, the Prophet would have said even one.
Source: Musnad Aḥmad 14247
Grade: Sahih (authentic) according to Al-Arna’ut
عَنْ جَابِرِ بْنِ عَبْدِ اللهِ قَالَ قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ مَنْ كُنَّ لَهُ ثَلَاثُ بَنَاتٍ يُؤْوِيهِنَّ وَيَرْحَمُهُنَّ وَيَكْفُلُهُنَّ وَجَبَتْ لَهُ الْجَنَّةُ الْبَتَّةَ قَالَ قِيلَ يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ فَإِنْ كَانَتْ اثْنَتَيْنِ قَالَ وَإِنْ كَانَتْ اثْنَتَيْنِ قَالَ فَرَأَى بَعْضُ الْقَوْمِ أَنْ لَوْ قَالُوا لَهُ وَاحِدَةً لَقَالَ وَاحِدَةً
14247 مسند أحمد بن حنبل
22/150 المحدث شعيب الأرناؤوط خلاصة حكم المحدث صحيح في تخريج المسند
This is especially important in these times of fitahn. If you do not do that, there's a high probability that they will grow up with a feeling of emptiness, seeking attention from other [wrong] men and end up emotionally [and even physically] abused, as well as looking for the wrong type of attention.
As a father, you are your daughters whole world, she will likely seek in a future husband what she saw in you, so be careful and be vigilant in showing her how a man is supposed to be. Your actions are like the rings formed in water when throwing stone pebbles, they might seem insignificant, but they will have an impact on future generations even after you, when it's her time to raise your grandchildren and they in turn raise their children.
Jabir ibn Abdullah reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Whoever has three daughters and he cares for them, he is merciful to them, and he clothes them, then Paradise is certainly required for him.” It was said, “O Messenger of Allah, what if he has only two?” The Prophet said, “Even two.” Some people thought that if they had said to him one, the Prophet would have said even one.
Source: Musnad Aḥmad 14247
Grade: Sahih (authentic) according to Al-Arna’ut
عَنْ جَابِرِ بْنِ عَبْدِ اللهِ قَالَ قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ مَنْ كُنَّ لَهُ ثَلَاثُ بَنَاتٍ يُؤْوِيهِنَّ وَيَرْحَمُهُنَّ وَيَكْفُلُهُنَّ وَجَبَتْ لَهُ الْجَنَّةُ الْبَتَّةَ قَالَ قِيلَ يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ فَإِنْ كَانَتْ اثْنَتَيْنِ قَالَ وَإِنْ كَانَتْ اثْنَتَيْنِ قَالَ فَرَأَى بَعْضُ الْقَوْمِ أَنْ لَوْ قَالُوا لَهُ وَاحِدَةً لَقَالَ وَاحِدَةً
14247 مسند أحمد بن حنبل
22/150 المحدث شعيب الأرناؤوط خلاصة حكم المحدث صحيح في تخريج المسند
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Try to look at your mother's face,
Her skin getting too old, her hair getting whiten every single day, and keep it in your mind that one day you will wake up without her,you will no longer witness her smile, her laughters,her effort just for you, and lastly try not to cry😢.
Reality hits us when we realised all things that can possible happen, that's why love your parents nothings ganna stay forever, NOTHING.
Her skin getting too old, her hair getting whiten every single day, and keep it in your mind that one day you will wake up without her,you will no longer witness her smile, her laughters,her effort just for you, and lastly try not to cry😢.
Reality hits us when we realised all things that can possible happen, that's why love your parents nothings ganna stay forever, NOTHING.
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Unpopular Opinion👇
If you want to raise good muslim children? Then take that phone away from them. It is one of the biggest causes of destruction and evilness❗️
Be extra cautious with your daughters and don’t give her access to her own phone until after she gets married. Let them cry and whine, but don’t budge. Stand your grounds and you will see her appreciating you a couple of years down the road.
If you want to raise good muslim children? Then take that phone away from them. It is one of the biggest causes of destruction and evilness❗️
Be extra cautious with your daughters and don’t give her access to her own phone until after she gets married. Let them cry and whine, but don’t budge. Stand your grounds and you will see her appreciating you a couple of years down the road.
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"Connection Over Correction" and
"Understanding Must Precede Advice"
9. Mistrust
Not giving the child the benefit of doubt weakens mutual trust, shuts frank communication and hurts self-confidence.
10. Beating
In most cases, beating a child is about parents venting anger than wisely and calmly wanting to improve a behavior. Beating, similar to a pain killer, is a temporary fix only for the parent, not a cure for the child. It creates trauma and a coward personality, which will continue to do bad things as long as nobody is watching. Beating also teaches your child to be abusive or accept abuse when they become adults.
I know parenting is difficult, and there's no such thing as a perfect parent. However we as parents have a massive responsibility and we need to be reminded and change any toxic parenting practices we've adopted.
Source: Dr. Hesham Al-Awadi, author of "Children Around the Prophet: How Muhammad ﷺ Raised the Young Companions. I've added some of my own words to the explanations.
#RaisingChildren #Parenting #IslamicReminders #TheCouplesCounsellor #mrcounselling
"Understanding Must Precede Advice"
9. Mistrust
Not giving the child the benefit of doubt weakens mutual trust, shuts frank communication and hurts self-confidence.
10. Beating
In most cases, beating a child is about parents venting anger than wisely and calmly wanting to improve a behavior. Beating, similar to a pain killer, is a temporary fix only for the parent, not a cure for the child. It creates trauma and a coward personality, which will continue to do bad things as long as nobody is watching. Beating also teaches your child to be abusive or accept abuse when they become adults.
I know parenting is difficult, and there's no such thing as a perfect parent. However we as parents have a massive responsibility and we need to be reminded and change any toxic parenting practices we've adopted.
Source: Dr. Hesham Al-Awadi, author of "Children Around the Prophet: How Muhammad ﷺ Raised the Young Companions. I've added some of my own words to the explanations.
#RaisingChildren #Parenting #IslamicReminders #TheCouplesCounsellor #mrcounselling
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TEN THINGS YOU MUST NOT DO WITH YOUR CHILD
1. Screaming
Some say it's worst than beating, and leaves one with long-term mental and emotional scars. Remember, the Prophet ﷺ never raised his voice on a child, women, a friend or otherwise. Regulate yourself when you hear your voice starting to get louder. When the parent screams at the child, the child's nervous system shuts down and the brain can't absorb anything you're saying. If you scream, or make mistakes (we all do), the best thing you can do is apologise to your child. You will teach them how to repair after making mistakes and how to take responsibility. If you struggle with apologising to your child because you don't want to look small, you got some work to do.
2. Blaming
Blaming weakens relations, lowers self-esteem and prompts children to be on the defense, even when they haven’t done something wrong. Anas b. Malik, then a 10 year old child, said: “I served the Prophet ﷺ for nine years and he never said about anything I did, why I did that, or about anything I didn’t do, why didn’t you.” When the only thing that comes out your mouth when addressing your child is criticism, blame, and orders and there's very minimal praise, loving words, affection or fun you as a parent become a source of negativity for their child instead of someone they want to come to for affection or support.
3. Nonstop Orders
Orders and instructions, without first convincing, persuading, educating, or leading by example, turn the child into a robot and this is not healthy. When growing up, they blindly emulate and obey any authority, regardless of its values. Balance out your orders with appreciations each day. Make sure you share more appreciations and positive moments than orders and criticisms in a day. The research shows the ratio of positive interactions to outweigh negative interactions is 5:1. That is 5 positive interactions to every 1 negative interaction. This is because as humans, the impact of hurt and pain lasts longer than happiness. Trauma has a lasting effect.
4. Threatening
Threatening is used because it’s a quick fix for resistance, but not a solution in the long run. Any attitude driven by fear is hypocritical, and does not indicate real change. (Eg, go to bed or I'll... or stop that before I get up and ...) This is useless parenting and the child learns to do things only when their fear is increased. You are literally teaching them to threaten their way through life or to not do anything unless they are threatened.
5. Sarcasm
Making fun of a child is an unacceptable behavior in Islam: “O you who believe let not a group scoff at another group… “(49:11). Mocking a child hurts their sense of worth and self-esteem. Any parent who mocks their child is displaying their major toxic insecurities that they need to work on. The parent needs to make their child feel safe, not tease and bully them.
6. Cursing
Cursing teaches the child cursing, which he will use against others, including relatives, friends and parents. The hadith says: “A believer is never a defamer nor a curser nor coarse nor obscene." What's worse than cursing around your child is cursing and swearing at them.
7. Comparing
Never compare your child to anyone, especially siblings. Comparing creates jealousy, anger and puts them on the defense. You are literally saying to your child that they, as a human, are not good enough and should be like others. They grow up with low self-esteem and never feeling accepted or good enough. They will excessively seek acceptance and validation from others even in unhealthy and harmful ways.
8. Continuous Advising
The normal attention span is 3 to 5 minutes per year of a child’s age. Therefore, a 2-year-old should be able to concentrate on a particular task for at least 6 minutes, and a child entering kindergarten should be able to concentrate for at least 15 minutes. In the hadith “The Prophet used to take care of us by preaching during some days and not others fearing that we may get bored.” My favourite mottos are
1. Screaming
Some say it's worst than beating, and leaves one with long-term mental and emotional scars. Remember, the Prophet ﷺ never raised his voice on a child, women, a friend or otherwise. Regulate yourself when you hear your voice starting to get louder. When the parent screams at the child, the child's nervous system shuts down and the brain can't absorb anything you're saying. If you scream, or make mistakes (we all do), the best thing you can do is apologise to your child. You will teach them how to repair after making mistakes and how to take responsibility. If you struggle with apologising to your child because you don't want to look small, you got some work to do.
2. Blaming
Blaming weakens relations, lowers self-esteem and prompts children to be on the defense, even when they haven’t done something wrong. Anas b. Malik, then a 10 year old child, said: “I served the Prophet ﷺ for nine years and he never said about anything I did, why I did that, or about anything I didn’t do, why didn’t you.” When the only thing that comes out your mouth when addressing your child is criticism, blame, and orders and there's very minimal praise, loving words, affection or fun you as a parent become a source of negativity for their child instead of someone they want to come to for affection or support.
3. Nonstop Orders
Orders and instructions, without first convincing, persuading, educating, or leading by example, turn the child into a robot and this is not healthy. When growing up, they blindly emulate and obey any authority, regardless of its values. Balance out your orders with appreciations each day. Make sure you share more appreciations and positive moments than orders and criticisms in a day. The research shows the ratio of positive interactions to outweigh negative interactions is 5:1. That is 5 positive interactions to every 1 negative interaction. This is because as humans, the impact of hurt and pain lasts longer than happiness. Trauma has a lasting effect.
4. Threatening
Threatening is used because it’s a quick fix for resistance, but not a solution in the long run. Any attitude driven by fear is hypocritical, and does not indicate real change. (Eg, go to bed or I'll... or stop that before I get up and ...) This is useless parenting and the child learns to do things only when their fear is increased. You are literally teaching them to threaten their way through life or to not do anything unless they are threatened.
5. Sarcasm
Making fun of a child is an unacceptable behavior in Islam: “O you who believe let not a group scoff at another group… “(49:11). Mocking a child hurts their sense of worth and self-esteem. Any parent who mocks their child is displaying their major toxic insecurities that they need to work on. The parent needs to make their child feel safe, not tease and bully them.
6. Cursing
Cursing teaches the child cursing, which he will use against others, including relatives, friends and parents. The hadith says: “A believer is never a defamer nor a curser nor coarse nor obscene." What's worse than cursing around your child is cursing and swearing at them.
7. Comparing
Never compare your child to anyone, especially siblings. Comparing creates jealousy, anger and puts them on the defense. You are literally saying to your child that they, as a human, are not good enough and should be like others. They grow up with low self-esteem and never feeling accepted or good enough. They will excessively seek acceptance and validation from others even in unhealthy and harmful ways.
8. Continuous Advising
The normal attention span is 3 to 5 minutes per year of a child’s age. Therefore, a 2-year-old should be able to concentrate on a particular task for at least 6 minutes, and a child entering kindergarten should be able to concentrate for at least 15 minutes. In the hadith “The Prophet used to take care of us by preaching during some days and not others fearing that we may get bored.” My favourite mottos are
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