The Prophets were Fathers of Daughters
http://dusunnah.com/article/the-prophets-were-fathers-of-daughters-ibn-qayyim/
http://dusunnah.com/article/the-prophets-were-fathers-of-daughters-ibn-qayyim/
💯5
Fear of Your Parents' Old Age
"There is a break in the family history, where the ages accumulate and overlap, and the natural order makes no sense: it’s when the child becomes the parent of their parent."
It’s when the father grows older and begins to move as if he were walking through fog. Slowly, slowly, imprecisely.
It’s when one of the parents who once held your hand firmly when you were little no longer wants to be alone.
It’s when the father, once strong and unbeatable, weakens and takes two breaths before rising from his seat.
It’s when the father, who once commanded and ordered, now only sighs, only groans, and searches for where the door and window are—every hallway now feels distant.
It’s when one of the parents, once willing and hardworking, struggles to dress themselves and forgets to take their medication.
And we, as their children, will do nothing but accept that we are responsible for that life.
The life that gave birth to us depends on our life to die in peace.
Every child is the parent of their parent's death. Perhaps the old age of a father or mother is, curiously, the final pregnancy.
Our last lesson. An opportunity to return the care and love they gave us for decades.
And just as we adapted our homes to care for our babies, blocking power outlets and setting up playpens, we will now rearrange the furniture for our parents.
The first transformation happens in the bathroom. We will be the parents of our parents, the ones who now install a grab bar in the shower.
The grab bar is emblematic. The grab bar is symbolic. The grab bar inaugurates the "unsteadiness of the waters."
Because the shower, simple and refreshing, now becomes a storm for the old feet of our protectors.
We cannot leave them for even a moment.
The home of someone who cares for their parents will have grab bars along the walls. And our arms will extend in the form of railings.
Aging is walking while holding onto objects; aging is even climbing stairs without steps. We will be strangers in our own homes. We will observe every detail with fear and unfamiliarity, with doubt and concern.
We will be architects, designers, frustrated engineers. How did we not foresee that our parents would get sick and need us?
We will regret the sofas, the statues, and the spiral staircase. We will regret all the obstacles and the carpet.
Happy is the child who becomes the parent of their parent before their death, and unfortunate is the child who only appears at the funeral and doesn't say goodbye a little each day.
My friend Joseph Klein accompanied his father until his final moments.
In the hospital, the nurse was maneuvering to move him from the bed to the stretcher, trying to change the sheets when Joe shouted from his seat: Let me help you. He gathered his strength and, for the first time, took his father into his arms. He placed his father's face against his chest.
He cradled his father, consumed by cancer: small, wrinkled, fragile, trembling. He held him for a long time, the time equivalent to his childhood, the time equivalent to his adolescence, a long time, an endless time. By Your Side Nothing Hurts
Rocking his father back and forth. Caressing his father. Calming his father. And he said softly:
- I'm here, I'm here, Dad! "What a father wants to hear at the end of his life is that his child is there."
I love you, Dad, wherever you are, I always think of you, I will never forget you...
Credits to the rightful owner
"There is a break in the family history, where the ages accumulate and overlap, and the natural order makes no sense: it’s when the child becomes the parent of their parent."
It’s when the father grows older and begins to move as if he were walking through fog. Slowly, slowly, imprecisely.
It’s when one of the parents who once held your hand firmly when you were little no longer wants to be alone.
It’s when the father, once strong and unbeatable, weakens and takes two breaths before rising from his seat.
It’s when the father, who once commanded and ordered, now only sighs, only groans, and searches for where the door and window are—every hallway now feels distant.
It’s when one of the parents, once willing and hardworking, struggles to dress themselves and forgets to take their medication.
And we, as their children, will do nothing but accept that we are responsible for that life.
The life that gave birth to us depends on our life to die in peace.
Every child is the parent of their parent's death. Perhaps the old age of a father or mother is, curiously, the final pregnancy.
Our last lesson. An opportunity to return the care and love they gave us for decades.
And just as we adapted our homes to care for our babies, blocking power outlets and setting up playpens, we will now rearrange the furniture for our parents.
The first transformation happens in the bathroom. We will be the parents of our parents, the ones who now install a grab bar in the shower.
The grab bar is emblematic. The grab bar is symbolic. The grab bar inaugurates the "unsteadiness of the waters."
Because the shower, simple and refreshing, now becomes a storm for the old feet of our protectors.
We cannot leave them for even a moment.
The home of someone who cares for their parents will have grab bars along the walls. And our arms will extend in the form of railings.
Aging is walking while holding onto objects; aging is even climbing stairs without steps. We will be strangers in our own homes. We will observe every detail with fear and unfamiliarity, with doubt and concern.
We will be architects, designers, frustrated engineers. How did we not foresee that our parents would get sick and need us?
We will regret the sofas, the statues, and the spiral staircase. We will regret all the obstacles and the carpet.
Happy is the child who becomes the parent of their parent before their death, and unfortunate is the child who only appears at the funeral and doesn't say goodbye a little each day.
My friend Joseph Klein accompanied his father until his final moments.
In the hospital, the nurse was maneuvering to move him from the bed to the stretcher, trying to change the sheets when Joe shouted from his seat: Let me help you. He gathered his strength and, for the first time, took his father into his arms. He placed his father's face against his chest.
He cradled his father, consumed by cancer: small, wrinkled, fragile, trembling. He held him for a long time, the time equivalent to his childhood, the time equivalent to his adolescence, a long time, an endless time. By Your Side Nothing Hurts
Rocking his father back and forth. Caressing his father. Calming his father. And he said softly:
- I'm here, I'm here, Dad! "What a father wants to hear at the end of his life is that his child is there."
I love you, Dad, wherever you are, I always think of you, I will never forget you...
Credits to the rightful owner
👍18
Hold me very tight son... and never abandon me, never forget about me.
Hold me closer, son, I can still feel your warmth; Those hugs of yours fill my heart with life.
Take me to see the sunrise, son, that I can still admire the beauty of a new day; Your company makes every sunrise more beautiful.
Take me to your house, son, on the weekends; Sharing with you and the grandchildren fills me with joy.
Listen to me patiently, son, don't be bothered by my repetitions; The years have made me talk about the past, but each story has a piece of my love for you.
Laugh with me, son, don't be angry at my mistakes; In every laugh I find a spark of youth and in every mistake, a life lesson.
Don't leave me alone, son, your presence is my greatest treasure; When you're around, the world is warmer and less lonely.
Come see me more often, son, don't forget me in the daily routine; Your visit is the best gift I can receive.
Don't take me away from your life, son, I need to feel like I'm still part of it; Doctors can say many things, but love is the best medicine for the heart.
Ctto
Hold me closer, son, I can still feel your warmth; Those hugs of yours fill my heart with life.
Take me to see the sunrise, son, that I can still admire the beauty of a new day; Your company makes every sunrise more beautiful.
Take me to your house, son, on the weekends; Sharing with you and the grandchildren fills me with joy.
Listen to me patiently, son, don't be bothered by my repetitions; The years have made me talk about the past, but each story has a piece of my love for you.
Laugh with me, son, don't be angry at my mistakes; In every laugh I find a spark of youth and in every mistake, a life lesson.
Don't leave me alone, son, your presence is my greatest treasure; When you're around, the world is warmer and less lonely.
Come see me more often, son, don't forget me in the daily routine; Your visit is the best gift I can receive.
Don't take me away from your life, son, I need to feel like I'm still part of it; Doctors can say many things, but love is the best medicine for the heart.
Ctto
👍18💯2
Forwarded from Muslim Marriage Tips
UNWORTHY OF LOVE
QUESTION:
I feel unworthy of love. Mayb bcoz my own parents didn't even show me love. I think it's affecting my iman. What should I do?
REPLY:
1. The nature of gifts is that V don't need to be worthy to be given them. Love can be a gift that v receive whether we're worthy or not.
2. But we might not actually receive that particular gift from those we want it from. Such is the nature of life. If v seek from the material world, the dunya, it will disappoint us repeatedly, even betray us - even those people v would expect to be the most likely to selflessly give to us, such as our parents.
3. If we truly wish to be loved, Allah tells us how to attain His love. Simply look at all the verses in the Qur'an about whom Allah loves. It's not hard to become one of those people. They include the good-doers, the just, the repentant (this might be the easiest), the self-purifiers, the patient, the trusting, the fighters, the prophetic followers.
4. Every single Muslim has repented & is in a state of continued repentance from disbelief, kufr. This repentance is greater than every other repentance. The act of Islam, of testifying to Allah & His messenger, (peace b upon him), is infinite in merit, greater than all other acts combined. Just being a Muslim is indication of Allah's infinite love for you. Dying on Islam is confirmation of it. And had Allah not loved you, He wouldn't have given you that gift of Islam.
5. How many a person loved by the Creator spends a ridiculous amount of time chasing love from the creation! It's like throwing away diamonds to chase animal droppings.
6. If you want love from creation, then how about the best of all creation, PEACE B UPON HIM? Allah chose to make you belong to the ummah of the best of messengers, PEACE B UPON HIM. He chose to make yu belong to... Muhammad. Peace b upon him. If the members of his ummah only realized how loved they are just for the fact that they belong to him, peace be upon him.
7. But you will forget how loved you are and how blessed you are unless you remind yourself. Because the Devil is busy at work whispering to you to make you forget. So counteract his suggestions with your own. Use the Mirror Exercise, for example, to remind yourself how loved and blessed you are by each day looking yourself in the eyes and reminding yourself.
8. As you look at your reflection and express your gratitude, don't see yourself as simply your own self. See yourself as an act of God. Literally. Your entire being, everything about you, is a manifestation of Allah's creative act. So see His acts when you look at yourself.
9. You never needed to be worthy of Allah's generosity. None of us is actually worthy, because none of us actually ever did anything independently. We are just the recipients of Allah's favor. And Allah's generosity is for whomever He wishes, not just for the worthy.
10. As the Burdah says, "The riches from him will not neglect a poor, dusty hand; / Indeed, the rain causes even hills to be flowery." Valleys are more fit to collect the rain than are hills, and yet the hills are not deprived of the benefit of rain. Similarly, poor, dusty hands that are raised are no less capable of receiving riches, even though hard-working, noble hands might be more worthy.
11. Aaaaand, a secret to riches that so few realize is that the one who recognizes his unworthiness, who raises his poor, dusty, empty hands, seeking generosity in his unworthiness, instead of seeking compensation for his worthiness, is actually *more* likely to receive greater gifts than the one who presents himself in all his worthiness. Because the one who sees himself as unworthy is more connected to his slavehood. He is the one who knows he has nothing and is coming to the King of Kings in utter destitution, empty-handed. That is the person whose hands actually get the most filled with divine riches.
12. So don’t deapire your so called Unworthiness. Rather embrace it. And call out, Ya Rabb! Present yourself to him completely empty, & get ready to receive from him everything.
QUESTION:
I feel unworthy of love. Mayb bcoz my own parents didn't even show me love. I think it's affecting my iman. What should I do?
REPLY:
1. The nature of gifts is that V don't need to be worthy to be given them. Love can be a gift that v receive whether we're worthy or not.
2. But we might not actually receive that particular gift from those we want it from. Such is the nature of life. If v seek from the material world, the dunya, it will disappoint us repeatedly, even betray us - even those people v would expect to be the most likely to selflessly give to us, such as our parents.
3. If we truly wish to be loved, Allah tells us how to attain His love. Simply look at all the verses in the Qur'an about whom Allah loves. It's not hard to become one of those people. They include the good-doers, the just, the repentant (this might be the easiest), the self-purifiers, the patient, the trusting, the fighters, the prophetic followers.
4. Every single Muslim has repented & is in a state of continued repentance from disbelief, kufr. This repentance is greater than every other repentance. The act of Islam, of testifying to Allah & His messenger, (peace b upon him), is infinite in merit, greater than all other acts combined. Just being a Muslim is indication of Allah's infinite love for you. Dying on Islam is confirmation of it. And had Allah not loved you, He wouldn't have given you that gift of Islam.
5. How many a person loved by the Creator spends a ridiculous amount of time chasing love from the creation! It's like throwing away diamonds to chase animal droppings.
6. If you want love from creation, then how about the best of all creation, PEACE B UPON HIM? Allah chose to make you belong to the ummah of the best of messengers, PEACE B UPON HIM. He chose to make yu belong to... Muhammad. Peace b upon him. If the members of his ummah only realized how loved they are just for the fact that they belong to him, peace be upon him.
7. But you will forget how loved you are and how blessed you are unless you remind yourself. Because the Devil is busy at work whispering to you to make you forget. So counteract his suggestions with your own. Use the Mirror Exercise, for example, to remind yourself how loved and blessed you are by each day looking yourself in the eyes and reminding yourself.
8. As you look at your reflection and express your gratitude, don't see yourself as simply your own self. See yourself as an act of God. Literally. Your entire being, everything about you, is a manifestation of Allah's creative act. So see His acts when you look at yourself.
9. You never needed to be worthy of Allah's generosity. None of us is actually worthy, because none of us actually ever did anything independently. We are just the recipients of Allah's favor. And Allah's generosity is for whomever He wishes, not just for the worthy.
10. As the Burdah says, "The riches from him will not neglect a poor, dusty hand; / Indeed, the rain causes even hills to be flowery." Valleys are more fit to collect the rain than are hills, and yet the hills are not deprived of the benefit of rain. Similarly, poor, dusty hands that are raised are no less capable of receiving riches, even though hard-working, noble hands might be more worthy.
11. Aaaaand, a secret to riches that so few realize is that the one who recognizes his unworthiness, who raises his poor, dusty, empty hands, seeking generosity in his unworthiness, instead of seeking compensation for his worthiness, is actually *more* likely to receive greater gifts than the one who presents himself in all his worthiness. Because the one who sees himself as unworthy is more connected to his slavehood. He is the one who knows he has nothing and is coming to the King of Kings in utter destitution, empty-handed. That is the person whose hands actually get the most filled with divine riches.
12. So don’t deapire your so called Unworthiness. Rather embrace it. And call out, Ya Rabb! Present yourself to him completely empty, & get ready to receive from him everything.
👍6💯2
We HAVE to talk about this because this is something we are NEVER taught:
❌YOUR anger is NOT a discipline tool!
We learned it is, because for many of us, that is what we grew up with - adults getting angry if we did something “wrong” - parents AND teachers
❌But it actually isn’t
Your anger MIGHT “control” your children when they are young, under 6/7ish but as they get older, what your anger does is teach them to get BETTER at hiding what they do from you💥
Most of us lean on the same 2 or 3 “strategies” for everything - usually from this list:
Shout
Take away toys/privileges
Spank
Time-out
Nag
Give up
And most of these when implemented, are implemented with anger
Now here’s the thing - we rely on the above because we don’t know what else to do-
And so we keep yelling, or keeping taking things away or keep nagging, increasing our frustration when nothing really changes
It doesn’t change because the above doesn’t work!
Who learns to do better when shouted at?
Who learns to do better when constantly nagged?
Who learns to do better when isolated in time-out?
❌They don’t
When kids are under 7, sure, maybe you can control them with those tactics
But as they get older, they are going to shout back
As they get older they are going to do things behind your back
As they get older you haven’t TAUGHT them you are on THEIR team
Children don’t do better when we make them feel worse - that’s punishment. Punishment doesn’t teach, it’s enforced to make children PAY for their errors
Discipline on the other hand, teaches. It corrects and teaches children to do better following their mistakes
Punishment and discipline are not the same thing
I’m going to say something that might split hairs, but my job as an Intentional Parenting coach is to push you towards positive action, not pacify and make excuses for you to feel better but stay stuck
📣Parenting is your job, not your children’s
🫵To see improvements to their behaviour, you have to first improve yours - where you lead, they will follow
ps. If you want to STOP using anger to control your children, I'm running a FREE No More Yelling coaching masterclass this Sunday insha'Allah
Get your free seat here
https://mumsunstuck.com/noyelling
❌YOUR anger is NOT a discipline tool!
We learned it is, because for many of us, that is what we grew up with - adults getting angry if we did something “wrong” - parents AND teachers
❌But it actually isn’t
Your anger MIGHT “control” your children when they are young, under 6/7ish but as they get older, what your anger does is teach them to get BETTER at hiding what they do from you💥
Most of us lean on the same 2 or 3 “strategies” for everything - usually from this list:
Shout
Take away toys/privileges
Spank
Time-out
Nag
Give up
And most of these when implemented, are implemented with anger
Now here’s the thing - we rely on the above because we don’t know what else to do-
And so we keep yelling, or keeping taking things away or keep nagging, increasing our frustration when nothing really changes
It doesn’t change because the above doesn’t work!
Who learns to do better when shouted at?
Who learns to do better when constantly nagged?
Who learns to do better when isolated in time-out?
❌They don’t
When kids are under 7, sure, maybe you can control them with those tactics
But as they get older, they are going to shout back
As they get older they are going to do things behind your back
As they get older you haven’t TAUGHT them you are on THEIR team
Children don’t do better when we make them feel worse - that’s punishment. Punishment doesn’t teach, it’s enforced to make children PAY for their errors
Discipline on the other hand, teaches. It corrects and teaches children to do better following their mistakes
Punishment and discipline are not the same thing
I’m going to say something that might split hairs, but my job as an Intentional Parenting coach is to push you towards positive action, not pacify and make excuses for you to feel better but stay stuck
📣Parenting is your job, not your children’s
🫵To see improvements to their behaviour, you have to first improve yours - where you lead, they will follow
ps. If you want to STOP using anger to control your children, I'm running a FREE No More Yelling coaching masterclass this Sunday insha'Allah
Get your free seat here
https://mumsunstuck.com/noyelling
Mumsunstuck
No More Yelling!
Break destructive parenting cycles that make you SHOUT and the kids hide! Free coaching masterclass for Muslim mumas!
💯8👍4
Not everyone has a 2 income family. Not everyone has money in the bank to fall back on. Every parent does not have a reliable babysitter. Some people only have THEMSELVES. Some people live paycheck to paycheck. These people deserve respect. So before telling people how they should deal with situations in their life, just don't. Show kindness instead.
Most of us are already doing the best we can.
Most of us are already doing the best we can.
💯17👍1
Forwarded from Authentic Duas
"The most intelligent one is he who complains about his grief to Allah (alone)."
-Ibn al-Qayyim (رحمه الله)
[al-Fawa'id | Pg. 127]
-Ibn al-Qayyim (رحمه الله)
[al-Fawa'id | Pg. 127]
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"Putting your child in an Islamic school or madrassah has little or no benefit if you don't put them in an Islamic home first"
#WIFE
#WIFE
👍27💯11
O Parents! Be Righteous!
Tafseer al-Baghawi (rahimahullah):
Abdullah ibn Mas’ood (radiyAllahu ‘anhu), used to pray at night (the night prayers) and (when he) would see his small child sleeping then he would say, “this is for your bright future” and whilst crying would recite:
وَكَانَ أَبُوهُمَا صَالِحًا
“And their father was righteous” Surat al-Kahf, 82
lbn Abbas (radiyAllahu ’anhu) said (commenting on this verse):
“They (the two orphans mentioned in Surah al-Kahf) were protected by the righteousness of their father.”
Saeed lbn Musayyib (radiyAllahu ‘anhu) said: “I worship, and then when I remember my child(ren), I increase in my worship"
[Tafseer al-Baghawee (rahimahullah), vol. 5, pg. 196]
The great Tabi’ee, Sa’eed Ibn Jubayr (radiyAllahu ‘anh) said:
I will increase my prayers for (the sake of) this son of mine.
Meaning: I will increase in my acts of worship of Allah so that He sets my children aright for me.
[al-Hilyah, 4/279]
-
Being Righteous is a Reason for Your Children to be Protected by Allah
Imam as-Sa'dee (rahimahullah):
“Allah will protect the righteous servant himself and will safeguard his children.”
[Tayseer Al-Kareem Ar-Rahmaan fee Tafseer Kalaam Al-Mannan, 3/979, Imam as-Sa'dee (rahimahullah), Dar Ibn al-Jawzee print]
Tafseer al-Baghawi (rahimahullah):
Abdullah ibn Mas’ood (radiyAllahu ‘anhu), used to pray at night (the night prayers) and (when he) would see his small child sleeping then he would say, “this is for your bright future” and whilst crying would recite:
وَكَانَ أَبُوهُمَا صَالِحًا
“And their father was righteous” Surat al-Kahf, 82
lbn Abbas (radiyAllahu ’anhu) said (commenting on this verse):
“They (the two orphans mentioned in Surah al-Kahf) were protected by the righteousness of their father.”
Saeed lbn Musayyib (radiyAllahu ‘anhu) said: “I worship, and then when I remember my child(ren), I increase in my worship"
[Tafseer al-Baghawee (rahimahullah), vol. 5, pg. 196]
The great Tabi’ee, Sa’eed Ibn Jubayr (radiyAllahu ‘anh) said:
I will increase my prayers for (the sake of) this son of mine.
Meaning: I will increase in my acts of worship of Allah so that He sets my children aright for me.
[al-Hilyah, 4/279]
-
Being Righteous is a Reason for Your Children to be Protected by Allah
Imam as-Sa'dee (rahimahullah):
“Allah will protect the righteous servant himself and will safeguard his children.”
[Tayseer Al-Kareem Ar-Rahmaan fee Tafseer Kalaam Al-Mannan, 3/979, Imam as-Sa'dee (rahimahullah), Dar Ibn al-Jawzee print]
👍18
A good read…
WHEN PARENTS GET OLD ...
Let them grow old with the same love that they let you grow ...
Let them speak and tell repeated stories with the same patience and interest that they heard yours as a child ...
Let them overcome, like so many times when they let you win ...
Let them enjoy their friends just as they let you …
Let them enjoy the talks with their grandchildren, because they see you in them ...
Let them enjoy living among the objects that have acompanied them for a long time, because they suffer when they feel that you tear pieces of this life away ...
Let them be wrong, like so many times you have been wrong and they didn’t embarass you by correcting you ...
LET THEM LIVE and try to make them happy the last stretch of the path they have left to go; give them your hand, just like they gave you their hand when you started your path!
Credit to Author Pervaiz Malik
WHEN PARENTS GET OLD ...
Let them grow old with the same love that they let you grow ...
Let them speak and tell repeated stories with the same patience and interest that they heard yours as a child ...
Let them overcome, like so many times when they let you win ...
Let them enjoy their friends just as they let you …
Let them enjoy the talks with their grandchildren, because they see you in them ...
Let them enjoy living among the objects that have acompanied them for a long time, because they suffer when they feel that you tear pieces of this life away ...
Let them be wrong, like so many times you have been wrong and they didn’t embarass you by correcting you ...
LET THEM LIVE and try to make them happy the last stretch of the path they have left to go; give them your hand, just like they gave you their hand when you started your path!
Credit to Author Pervaiz Malik
👍16
Don't treat your children as a retirement plan; instead, teach them birrul walidayn. As long as you give them love, they will return it to you without being asked.
✍🏼Ummu Salma
✍🏼Ummu Salma
💯22👍4
𝗕𝗘 𝗖𝗔𝗥𝗘𝗙𝗨𝗟 𝗪𝗜𝗧𝗛 𝗣𝗔𝗥𝗘𝗡𝗧𝗦
Sh Muqbil ibn hadi al wadi رحمه الله :
It is possible that a supplication from the parents may DESTROY a man and RUIN his Dunyā and also his Ākhirah due to a Duʿā made against him by his mother or his father.
[الرحلة الأخيرة صفحة ٢٤٠]
Sh Muqbil ibn hadi al wadi رحمه الله :
It is possible that a supplication from the parents may DESTROY a man and RUIN his Dunyā and also his Ākhirah due to a Duʿā made against him by his mother or his father.
[الرحلة الأخيرة صفحة ٢٤٠]
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Fathers of girls, be loving and affectionate with your daughters.
The importance of the father-daughter relationship cannot be overstated. In order for a young girl to grow up to be an upright, pious woman, she must be raised well by a strong and attentive father figure.
A father who is weak and incompetent, or absent and unprotective, or cold and undemonstrative, or overly authoritarian, or overly permissive--in these types of cases, many daughters grow up with a very skewed attitude toward men. Often, such girls will desperately and subconsciously seek out some type of a substitute for her father's love: *any* man's love.
Any man at all.
This is, in a nutshell, what we refer to as "daddy issues."
I was reminded of this reality as I read this passage in the book I'm currently reading, Gabor Maté's When the Body Says No:
"Gilda's relationship with her mother appears to have been intensely negative, and apparently marked by competition for her father's attention. Gilda maintained that her father had been "the love of my life." His death of brain cancer when she was 12 was an irreparable loss.
All her adult life, Gilda, out of sheer desperation, promiscuously sought male love and acceptance. "To a great extent, my life has been controlled by the men I loved," she wrote. She attempted to make herself into whatever woman she thought the man in her life preferred..."
The book is about a different, larger topic and not really about daddy issues, but these particular paragraphs caught my attention.
As is true for all children, both daughters and sons, childhood events deeply affect the trajectory of adult life. What happens in our childhood stays with us.
As parents now, our being healthy, attentive, responsive and responsible parents is absolutely essential. Our actions and inactions color not only our children's childhood, but their adulthood as well.
We must meet their physical, emotional, psychological, and spiritual needs, and balance between love and discipline, mercy and justice.
Of course, there are different combinations that are all important: father-son, mother-son, and mother-daughter. But for today, let's zero in on the father-daughter relationship.
The best role model for us, in parenting and in all things, sayyidna Muhammad صلى الله عليه وسلم , brought up four blessed daughters beautifully.
Fatima, رضي الله عنها , never had to seek out a replacement for her father's love. She and her sisters were regularly shown paternal affection and attention. As busy as their father was in his massive responsibility as خاتم النبيين (the Seal of Prophets), he still made time for his daughters.
We all know that her father, صلى الله عليه وسلم, would stand up to welcome her, and kiss her on the forehead to greet her whenever she came to him. He would take her hand and sit her down right next to him in a gathering.
عن عائشة -رضي الله عنها- قالت: "ما رأيت أحدًا كان أشبه كلامًا وحديثًا برسول الله -صلى الله عليه وسلم- من فاطمة، وكانت إذا دخلت عليه؛ قام إليها، وقبَّلها، ورحَّب بها، وأخذ بيدها، وأجلسها في مجلسه، وكانت هي إذا دخل عليها؛ قامت إليه، فقبَّلته، وأخذت بيده..."
Aisha, may Allah be pleased with her, narrated: "I have never seen anyone more similar to the Messenger of Allah صلى الله عليه وسلم in speech and mannerisms than Fatima. When she would enter his house, he would stand up for her, and kiss her, and welcome her warmly, and take her hand. He would seat her where he had been sitting. And she, whenever he would come visit her, would stand up for him, and kiss him, and take his hand..."
What a beautiful bond between father and daughter.
The importance of the father-daughter relationship cannot be overstated. In order for a young girl to grow up to be an upright, pious woman, she must be raised well by a strong and attentive father figure.
A father who is weak and incompetent, or absent and unprotective, or cold and undemonstrative, or overly authoritarian, or overly permissive--in these types of cases, many daughters grow up with a very skewed attitude toward men. Often, such girls will desperately and subconsciously seek out some type of a substitute for her father's love: *any* man's love.
Any man at all.
This is, in a nutshell, what we refer to as "daddy issues."
I was reminded of this reality as I read this passage in the book I'm currently reading, Gabor Maté's When the Body Says No:
"Gilda's relationship with her mother appears to have been intensely negative, and apparently marked by competition for her father's attention. Gilda maintained that her father had been "the love of my life." His death of brain cancer when she was 12 was an irreparable loss.
All her adult life, Gilda, out of sheer desperation, promiscuously sought male love and acceptance. "To a great extent, my life has been controlled by the men I loved," she wrote. She attempted to make herself into whatever woman she thought the man in her life preferred..."
The book is about a different, larger topic and not really about daddy issues, but these particular paragraphs caught my attention.
As is true for all children, both daughters and sons, childhood events deeply affect the trajectory of adult life. What happens in our childhood stays with us.
As parents now, our being healthy, attentive, responsive and responsible parents is absolutely essential. Our actions and inactions color not only our children's childhood, but their adulthood as well.
We must meet their physical, emotional, psychological, and spiritual needs, and balance between love and discipline, mercy and justice.
Of course, there are different combinations that are all important: father-son, mother-son, and mother-daughter. But for today, let's zero in on the father-daughter relationship.
The best role model for us, in parenting and in all things, sayyidna Muhammad صلى الله عليه وسلم , brought up four blessed daughters beautifully.
Fatima, رضي الله عنها , never had to seek out a replacement for her father's love. She and her sisters were regularly shown paternal affection and attention. As busy as their father was in his massive responsibility as خاتم النبيين (the Seal of Prophets), he still made time for his daughters.
We all know that her father, صلى الله عليه وسلم, would stand up to welcome her, and kiss her on the forehead to greet her whenever she came to him. He would take her hand and sit her down right next to him in a gathering.
عن عائشة -رضي الله عنها- قالت: "ما رأيت أحدًا كان أشبه كلامًا وحديثًا برسول الله -صلى الله عليه وسلم- من فاطمة، وكانت إذا دخلت عليه؛ قام إليها، وقبَّلها، ورحَّب بها، وأخذ بيدها، وأجلسها في مجلسه، وكانت هي إذا دخل عليها؛ قامت إليه، فقبَّلته، وأخذت بيده..."
Aisha, may Allah be pleased with her, narrated: "I have never seen anyone more similar to the Messenger of Allah صلى الله عليه وسلم in speech and mannerisms than Fatima. When she would enter his house, he would stand up for her, and kiss her, and welcome her warmly, and take her hand. He would seat her where he had been sitting. And she, whenever he would come visit her, would stand up for him, and kiss him, and take his hand..."
What a beautiful bond between father and daughter.
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📑Twelve Steps In Cultivating Our Children and Establishing a Pious Home
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Society is messed up because parents didn't teach us wisdom & life lessons. They left that to the schools & television.
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