U.S. - Space Jam 2 hasn't been performing as well at the box office as Warner Bros. had hoped, prompting the movie studio to make drastic changes. The film has been frantically re-edited and re-released with Michael Jordan, the greatest basketball player…

U.S.—In a historic compromise, the world has agreed to come together despite different opinions on lockdowns, vaccinations, masks, and other COVID measures. To bridge the gap between the two broad groups of opinion, those who are still scared of COVID…

Sometimes, it can be hard to tell a quote from the person who said it! This is especially true of Joe Biden, the most popular president of all time, whose presidential quotes are often mistaken for the ramblings of this insane escaped asylum patient we met…

CLEVELAND, OH - Under intense pressure from the Native American community and progressive activists, the Cleveland Indians have finally retired their racist Chief Wahoo logo. They won't be changing their name, though, and instead are replacing the antiquated…

So, you still have guns in your house, huh?

TOKYO, JAPAN— A fresh round of controversy over the gender wage gap arose Sunday after a spokesman for the International Olympic Committee confirmed that the medals awarded to female participants only weigh 78% as much as those given to the men. For…

“We must retain the confidence of the American people!” said Nancy Pelosi. “I can think of no person better than Hilliard Clintock. We can’t have someone biased with a strong vendetta against Trump or his followers on this council.”

LOS ANGELES, CA—There are several recognized problems with Christianity. Many of the adherents seem to stick to old, backward ways of thinking. They tend to be judgmental and look at things as “good” and “evil” based on their…

WASHINGTON, D.C. - After seeing Olympic gymnast Simone Biles's inspiring decision to quit the Olympics right before the finals, President Biden has announced that he too will be resigning from the presidency to focus on his own mental health. 'That pretty…

TOKYO—The U.S. Women’s Soccer Team's Olympic hopes are once again in jeopardy after opponents came up with a clever way to defeat them: playing the U.S. national anthem during every game so that the women have to kneel the entire time.

Team names that you think are just fine are actually racist. Just like everything in life. This is especially true of baseball, since it's the American pastime, and America is extra racist, unlike every other society in human history.We combed through every…

What’s my number one complaint about today’s society?Oh, yeah. Hatlessness. Men don't wear hats anymore. But what’s my number two complaint?That’s right: Everyone is a bunch of sissies.With this pandemic, it’s been sissy Christmas every day. Everyone is all…

U.S.—With Olympic teams like the Norwegian Women's handball team expressing interest in more modest Olympic attire, American Baptist women have debuted their proposed uniforms to be worn by U.S. Women in the Olympics 4 years from now.

WASHINGTON, D.C. - At the first hearing covering the January 6 insurrection, powerful, gripping testimony was given by the ghost of AOC, who passed away in the deadly riots. Committee members got out some candles and a Ouija board and attempted to summon…

U.S.—The latest retro-styled reboot of Oregon Trail will have you try to survive as you trek through a dangerous land filled with hazards and hostile natives: not the American West, but rather, modern-day Portland, Oregon.

YAVIN—In a shocking last-minute decision, talented young rebel pilot Luke Skywalker has pulled out of the Death Star trench run to focus on his mental health.

HEAVEN - A spokesperson for heaven confirmed today that church nursery workers will all be awarded a complimentary 'FastPass' once they arrive at the pearly gates.The complimentary FastPass will let them bypass the line outside the pearly gates as well as…