LOS ANGELES, CA—There are several recognized problems with Christianity. Many of the adherents seem to stick to old, backward ways of thinking. They tend to be judgmental and look at things as “good” and “evil” based on their…

WASHINGTON, D.C. - After seeing Olympic gymnast Simone Biles's inspiring decision to quit the Olympics right before the finals, President Biden has announced that he too will be resigning from the presidency to focus on his own mental health. 'That pretty…

TOKYO—The U.S. Women’s Soccer Team's Olympic hopes are once again in jeopardy after opponents came up with a clever way to defeat them: playing the U.S. national anthem during every game so that the women have to kneel the entire time.

Team names that you think are just fine are actually racist. Just like everything in life. This is especially true of baseball, since it's the American pastime, and America is extra racist, unlike every other society in human history.We combed through every…

What’s my number one complaint about today’s society?Oh, yeah. Hatlessness. Men don't wear hats anymore. But what’s my number two complaint?That’s right: Everyone is a bunch of sissies.With this pandemic, it’s been sissy Christmas every day. Everyone is all…

U.S.—With Olympic teams like the Norwegian Women's handball team expressing interest in more modest Olympic attire, American Baptist women have debuted their proposed uniforms to be worn by U.S. Women in the Olympics 4 years from now.

WASHINGTON, D.C. - At the first hearing covering the January 6 insurrection, powerful, gripping testimony was given by the ghost of AOC, who passed away in the deadly riots. Committee members got out some candles and a Ouija board and attempted to summon…

U.S.—The latest retro-styled reboot of Oregon Trail will have you try to survive as you trek through a dangerous land filled with hazards and hostile natives: not the American West, but rather, modern-day Portland, Oregon.

YAVIN—In a shocking last-minute decision, talented young rebel pilot Luke Skywalker has pulled out of the Death Star trench run to focus on his mental health.

HEAVEN - A spokesperson for heaven confirmed today that church nursery workers will all be awarded a complimentary 'FastPass' once they arrive at the pearly gates.The complimentary FastPass will let them bypass the line outside the pearly gates as well as…

NEW YORK, NY - As the new Delta variant continues to wreak havoc in the U.S., a spokesman for drugmaker Pfizer admitted today that the true COVID vaccine isn’t what was injected into our bodies, but rather the friends we made along the way. 'The key to defeating…

ATLANTA, GA - The CDC is once again recommending face masks indoors - even for vaccinated individuals. While the exact effectiveness of face masks in preventing the spread of COVID-19 isn’t known, a new study has shown that face masks are highly ineffective…

It's almost that time of year again! Public schools will be starting in a few weeks! Time to send your conservative little tikes into a hostile den of godless commies. How will they survive? Make sure they're ready with this conservative shopping list! -Fireproof…

U.S. - In a groundbreaking study of over 328 million statements given by experts over the last 10 years, researchers discovered that 97% of those statements were totally made up.'According to our research, whenever you see the phrase 'experts say' followed…

WASHINGTON, D.C. - In a harrowing testimony before the January 6th Committee, Capitol Police Officer Lenny Burbo revealed his paralyzing fear as MAGA terrorist insurrectionist racists stormed the Capitol. 'I stood there, paralyzed by fear as I held the door…

SAN DIEGO, CA - According to sources, Democrats in Washington really want people to get vaccinated. When it comes to undocumented immigrants, however, Democrats don't really seem to care as much. This led local man Damien Cooper to pose as an illegal immigrant…

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Work on the bipartisan infrastructure bill in Congress has ground to a halt as nobody there is sure what number comes after trillion.