The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident, an Irish man answered his door to find a grim-faced Garda officer waiting in the front yard. "We're sorry, Mr. O' Flynn, but we have some information about your dear wife, Maureen" said the officer.

“Tell me! Did you find her?" Michael Patrick O'Flynn asked. The Garda officer said, "I have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news. Which would you like to hear first?"

Fearing the worst, Mr. O' Flynn said, "Give me the bad news first." The officer said, "I'm sorry to tell you, sir, but early this morning we found your poor wife's body in the bay." "Lord sufferin' Jesus and Holy Mother of God!" exclaimed O' Flynn. Swallowing hard, he asked, "What could possibly be the good news?"

The officer continued, "When we pulled the late, departed poor Maureen up, she had 12 of the best-looking Atlantic lobsters that you have ever seen clinging to her. Haven't seen lobsters like that since the 1960's, and we feel you are ennoscriptd to a share in the catch."

Stunned, Mr. O' Flynn demanded, "Glory be to God, if that's the good news, then what's the really great news?" The officer replied, "We're gonna pull her up again tomorrow."
😁😁☘️

“The nightmare is over… God will look after me…” Alan Kelly briefly addresses cameras outside the Santa Cruz County courthouse in Nogales after prosecutors decide not to retry the case against him:

https://twitter.com/AliBradleyTV/status/1785051281754583402

If you build it, they will come.

Forklift Chad. English dub of the German original staplefarher Klaus.

A rope walks into a bar

The bartender looks at it and immediately says, “Get out. We don’t serve ropes here.”

The rope is understandably offended and says, “What? Why??”

The bartender shakes his head. “I’m sorry, but your kind have been too much trouble in the past. One of our staff getting accidentally hanged was the last straw. It’s nothing personal, but you have to leave.”

The rope complied, but felt very upset. He went home and talked to some friend ropes who encouraged him to stand up against the discrimination. Feeling emboldened, the rope tied himself up in various ways and pulled his ends apart until they were poofy. He was nearly unrecognizable. He walked back to the bar and confidently through the door.

The bartender peered at him with narrowed eyes. “Hey,” he said suspiciously, “aren’t you a rope?”

The rope replied, “Nope, I’m a frayed knot.”

Two idiots building a house

One looks over and sees the other keeps throwing nails over his shoulder.

Pulls a nail from his apron, nails it in. Pulls another nail from his apron, throws it over his shoulder.

Second idiot asks, “Why are you throwing half of the nails away?”

First idiot pulls a nail from his apron and holds it up to the house and says, “See? Some of these nails have the point on the wrong side!”

Second idiot shakes his head in disbelief. “You idiot! Those are for the other side of the house!”