I found this one funny but sad

If it takes 0.5 seconds on back swing, and 0.3 seconds on the fore swing, how many times can you hit a gorilla with a golf club in one minute? Once.

My wife wanted to go shopping and after following her through several stores I told her I was going to wander off, call when she needed me. So about two hours later my phone rings. She wants to know where I am. I said "do you remember that jewelry store in the mall with that diamond and ruby necklace you said you wanted last year?.... I'm in the bar right next to it."